I joined SI many years ago believing that I would never ever survive and am back to encourage those who feel the same today. It is going to be hard but you will survive and live again!
Looking back, I just saw hopelessness. So many here gave me support and I just wanted the pain to go. I wanted him to choose ME and not my friend (Double Betrayal), I suffered false R, his moving in with her and our divorce (He is still living with her). I went through all the emotions - a damn rollercoaster of serious proportion - nuclear at times, depressed at others. I hated that advice "give it TIME", "TIME will heal", "TIME" - I did not want TIME, I wanted an immediate cure.
I reluctantly began to work on ME - note the word reluctant. I went to IC, I discovered who I was, I joined a "Divorce Care" group. I got laid off forcing me to find a new job (best thing for me although I did not see it as that at the time) and gradually started living again. I embraced my children and focused on us and did a lot of DIY (on a budget) at home. I did not want any relationship - I trusted no one. I kept reading stories here and drew support from so many of those who were in the same situation as I.
Having been on my own for about two years, I started chatting with an ex colleague who had been through the same infidelity CRAP as all on this site are only too familiar with. We both distrusted everyone - but through writing to each other we were able to open up again and vent. As he worked in another country, I felt safe that he could not just arrive on my doorstep (I had serious relationship issues). Fast forward - we are now engaged and we have the most amazing relationship, built on trust and it feels GOOD. We are taking it slow and focus on communication.
As for the WWH - he is still a massive thorn in my side, especially since I got engaged, and even MORE SO since all my children really get on with my fiancé. He still argues about child support and throws curved balls at me but I NO LONGER RESPOND - not even a sound no matter what he says - I will NOT rise to the bait and live in the gutter with him. My older children see it for what it is now. I laugh and remind myself that if he is so very happy with OW then he would not have reason to keep stabbing at me. My children have opted not to spend nights at OW's house and report that when the go during the day (every alternate weekend) that she ignores them. I know I am healing as I really don't care about them being together now or how long it will last etc. Good luck to the two of them. I value ME and in so doing I have a fiancé who values me.
Sure there are things I would have done differently, I wish I had walked away when pregnant and not fought for him. But at least I know that I did everything possible to save the marriage.
So while I so feel for those of you on this forum and wish to God that you are not living this life changing nightmare, know that there is hope, and coming from me who never believed I would survive, trust me, THERE is hope but you have to give it TIME and climb this mountain of pain until you reach the top and see the real view and what lies ahead and not in the past!