Honestly, I'm not sure it is healthy to be so much into another person like that. I don't know if that is infidelity and pain talking, but I just don't think so.
I was ENGAGED at 5 months. Talk about fast!
The good relationships that I know don't have that. Yes, they care deeply for each other. They do things for each other…but it isn't so "out in the open". It doesn't need to be. It isn't to impress other people, like changing your FB status immediately. That is for other people. Does that make sense? Flowers at your office? To impress who? Profile pics? To impress who? Those sound like things my ex does with his current partner. It is always "proclaimed to the world!!" Why??
The good relationships do the things that mean something to the other person. "He brought home my favorite chicken salad." "He picks out the best necklaces when he travels for me." My BIL put his FB status (on SIL's birthday), as an old rumpled photo of my SIL that he carries in his wallet and says, "Still as beautiful as ever." Neither needed to change the photos on their FB…they all have their own photos.
Good relationships, each person has a solid sense of "self" and a solid sense of "together". Each is separate. The attention/affection is personal and meaningful.
But, on the other hand, when I was your age, the over-the-top stuff seemed romantic. Now, not so much. I want solid and respectful and cares about ME. You've had the chance to see love-bombing. Now you have to look for "normal", watch for those smaller, intimate things that shows the guy is getting to know YOU.
To this day, ex probably couldn't tell you what my favorite flower is. He bought what HE liked to give me. Jewelry was what HE liked. It looked nice from the outside, "Wow, he sent her flowers for no reason!!" But, they weren't even flowers I liked. Or, when I agreed to relocate with him, he sent this HUGE bouquet of flowers to my work. But, he didn't actually say the words to me: "thank you for relocating, I know this is going to be hard moving away from your family". No empathy. No emotional understanding. But, big, showy gifts. At work.
You gotta pull apart why you want huge amounts of attention and affection. In all the things you mention you liked…none of it was an emotional connection.
My new guy….one of the things I noticed is how he compliments me. NOT how I look. But, when I was telling him about an interaction with my dd and ex, he said, "Wow. That really shows what a good person you are and how well you handle your situation." THUD. Or, when he came to my house for the first time, "You house is so warm and inviting." THUD. I was massaging his very knotted legs and my arm got tired, so I stopped. He rubbed my arm, then made sure I put ice on it when I got home. THUD. If he compliments me, he tells me what a great smile I have, or that I said "Dang it!" 14 times when we played ping-pong and it made him laugh.
I'm not saying new guy is perfect and all is happy. What I"m saying is I want someone who is looking at these emotional connections and therefore is noticing ME. Not how I make him feel, not showing "us" off to the world. Who cares what other people think? It is like the people on FB who change their photo once a day of a new pouty duck face, looking for attention and affirmation.
Ex felt like a pouty, duck-face attention seeking 17 year old girl on FB. New guy doesn't have an active FB account.
[This message edited by cmego at 8:27 PM, June 5th (Thursday)]