SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

tryinginmi posted 6/5/2014 18:07 PM

So I am a farmer and sell at a local farmers market. WH stops in to help me man the booth af ter he gets out of work. MIL and cOW both work at the same company. MIL also stopped to say hi and see the new baby. I've been doing my best to be civil if not downright friendly with this woman who has done her best to destroy my marriage. Needless to say today she moved back onto my shit list. She proceeds to tell WH the latest gossip about his cOW. I swear to God my mouth dropped open. I was in complete shock that this woman thought this was a suitable topic of conversation. She is very aware of the entire situation and knows exactly what damage has been done to my marriage. Thank God I was playing with the baby and nobody could see my face. I really am astounded.

Daughter-in-law of the year award belongs to me for not going off on her. WH totally failed to say or do anything to express to his mother that this is not a suitable topic.

Oh a good note, cOW was fired. On a bad note they changed their minds and gave her three days off instead.

mchercheur posted 6/5/2014 20:43 PM

I have not had anything to do with my MIL since Dday because she blamed me for WH's A, enabled him to continue contact with OW, & told him that he was entitled. BTW, she is an unremorseful WW/OW herself who broke up 2 families.

LadyLove posted 6/5/2014 21:49 PM

My MIL is an asshole too. I too have had nothing to do with her since DDay. She enabled my WH's A to be carried on at her home and encouraged WH to leave me for MOW. She told him he deserved to be happy and needed to do whatever it takes to make himself happy...

MakingMyFuture posted 6/5/2014 21:49 PM

My MIL, who I had called "mom" for almost 15 years, had taken her into my home (that I owned before we were married) to support her for 1 1/2 years so she could get on her feet, 15 years of Bday, Xmas, and M-Day gifts from me with her son (maybe) signing his own name. I pushed for her to be included in family dinners and family vacations. What did she have to say to me when she found out?

1. "You work too much" (FU, just because I earn 70% of my families income that provides the lifestyle your son and grandchildren enjoy does not mean I work too much...I was averaging 30 hours per week at the time)

2. "My father had an affair" (you mean the father you adored who was married to your mother nobody could stand who you bragged about had given up his true love to stay with a shrew just for you and your siblings?... Gee, thanks for drawing the analogy...and hmmm maybe now I know how she became a shrew)

3. "You should go see a Dr.......because you might be going through early menapause" (your right, at the age of 40 it must be my hormones, it couldn't possibly be that my husband has betrayed me in every possible way and has been making sex videos & having phone sex with my friend and making plans to screw her brains out...your golden child couldn't POSSIBLY be the one who needs to see the Dr)

4. And after steroids were discovered "he just hasn't been the same since his brain injury" (oh, well since you can't blame the drugs on me, sure... lets live in fantasy land where his accident from 20 years ago has all of the sudden turned him from loving husband/father with highest integrity into a Total POS!)

She acts like baking cookies and doing other grandma shit matters. Well, when my family really needed you, where were you? So now she gets nothing from me, which basically means she has minimal contact since I was her main connection. I make nice at required family gatherings, but she is in for a rude awakening when she gets older and needs someone to live with!

I considered my husbands family MY family, now they are just like 3rd cousins I'm stuck having to tolerate at some family functions. Another thing the A destroyed for me.

[This message edited by MakingMyFuture at 9:51 PM, June 5th (Thursday)]

Chicky posted 6/5/2014 22:07 PM

Mine was and still is BFF's with the slut. Had the nerve to tell me after one of my DDay's that she "can't just cut her out of my life because she has been been there for me like a real friend". Excuse the f*ck out of me?!?! I politely stated, "Since you're too dense to figure it out on your own, the only and I mean ONLY reason she is your *friend* is because that gives her an avenue to continue screwing MY husband! I pray for your sake she continues to be there for you because if you ever need anyone, you damn well better call her because I AM DONE!"

freeatlast72 posted 6/5/2014 22:27 PM

It completely amazes me how ex-MIL's can be so insensitive!

I called her "Mom" for 15 years as well and we always got along!

Ex-MIL treated OW's kids like her own....I got pissed and told STBXH that I was highly disappointed at how insensitive his parents were about this whole situation. His response "my parents are extremely upset about your accusations, etc" Well, asshole, I am extremely upset that you screwed around on me during our marriage with someone I considered my "friend".

It will never be the same, she actually blocked me on facebook....really? Wonder why? Makes me think she doesn't want to see things she posts...maybe if OW's kids...who knows! I am done!

[This message edited by freeatlast72 at 10:28 PM, June 5th (Thursday)]

LadyLove posted 6/5/2014 22:50 PM

I think some of us have the same MIL lol.. I too was married 15 years and called her 'mom' (almost 17 years now) when I found out what a two-faced, back stabbing c**t she is.. excuse my language.. thinking of her still enrages me . Haven't seen nor spoken to her in almost 2 years.

Raven96 posted 6/6/2014 06:46 AM

Mine is super old-school, very submissive in her marriage. She waits on FIL hand and foot. When all this happened and I was trying to work it out, she was supportive, saying, "This is unacceptable behavior and will not be tolerated in this family." At that point I was still trying to work on my M. After a few months and the anger set in, she got exasperated with ME, saying, "You need to move forward from this. You can't keep living in the past. He comes home every night. You both need marriage counseling."

Never mind the fact that he isn't doing a damn thing to fix this. Never mind the fact that the "past" was only four months ago (at the time). Never mind the fact that he came home every night while he was having his A, too. Never mind the fact that I found a counselor and he lied his way through the three sessions we went to.

Yeah, my relationship with her is gone. I pretend, but only for the sake of my daughter. Kind of like my M.

Imissmyhusb posted 6/6/2014 09:38 AM

My MIL sent me this txt aftr she said she sees thgs in me that could use some adjustg as it relates to being married, a better wife, person, etc. I askd her to tell me what she saw:

"I really don't want to do that because I don't want to chance hurting your feelings or changing your love and respect for me. I love you and I want you as well as my son to be happy -- together, but that is something you both will have to want to figure out and build together. I love you. If you insist, of course I will comply, but with serious hesitation."

Serious hesitation! Kinda makes me wonder if she even likes me and feels i am good enuf for her son. I never worried or wonderd about how she felt until recently.

mchercheur posted 6/6/2014 09:45 AM

IMO, the only thing a MIL should say to her DIL if her son cheats on his wife is:

I am so sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve this. What can I do to help?

and, this is what she should say to her son:

"How could you do this to your wife?"

Imissmyhusb posted 6/6/2014 10:34 AM

IMO, the only thing a MIL should say to her DIL if her son cheats on his wife is:
I am so sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve this. What can I do to help?

and, this is what she should say to her son:

"How could you do this to your wife?"

Mine did, and she told me she told Wh he was wrong

LadyLove posted 6/6/2014 11:35 AM

mchercheur - that's it in a nutshell.. I have a son and once he's married, you can bet I'd be tearing him a new one if he ever goes down the A road. Unfortunately for some of us - our MIL's are blatant enablers and epitomize exactly how NOT to behave in these situations.

mchercheur posted 6/6/2014 18:58 PM

Agree Ladylove. I am praying that at least my children got a birdseye view of what NOT to do.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 7:15 PM, June 6th (Friday)]