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Alyssamd24 (original poster member #39005) posted at 1:31 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
My husband has an older sister who lives in our neighborhood....she has a 7 yr old DD who is close to my DD. Lately she has been spending a lot of time on the weekends at our house playing with my DD....so much I am starting to feel like she is my second kid.
My SIL is more laidback than I am when it comes to parenting....her DD is allowed to ride her bike around the neighborhood without a parent and she frequently goes from one friends house to another. They dont really make her eat real meals but are more prone to let her snack...she was at my house this past Sunday playing in the kiddie pool with my DD all day ( it was 80 degrees and very sunny) and she came with no sunscreen on and complained when I put it on her.
Both Sunday and tonight (cuz I watched her tonight for two and a half hours) when it was time to eat dinner she (my niece) asked me if she could have soda with her food....I said no she could have something else to drink...I know for a fact her parents and my MIL will let her drink soda but I dont think a 7yr old needs to drink soda and wont give it to her.
Is it ok to do this even though i know her parents let her drink it? Is it appropriate to set my own limits or am I crossing boundaries?
What do other parents do in situations like this?
Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you.....the thing you think you can't survive....its the thing that makes you better than you used to be.
jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 1:35 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
Your house... your rules! If they don't like it, she doesn't have to come over.
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 1:46 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
Your house your rules. You are not parenting her at their home, you are establishing house rules. These are not freakish unreasonable things like spanking her. At dinner, you do not drink soda. You do not need to let her drink soda. If she is swimming at your home, she wears sunscreen. If she doesn't want to abide by your house rules then she doesn't play at your home.
Things I consider crossing the line:
Physically striking a child (even if you believe in spanking).
Allowing a child to watch films/videos that you know their parents are not okay with (e.g. Rated PG-13 or R).
Forcing a child to participate in religious activities if they are a different religion.
Denying them a soda at dinner? Nothing.
Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single
Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 1:51 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
Everything these two wise ladies said. ^^
Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again
Staying together for the kids
D-day 2010
meaniemouse ( member #10798) posted at 2:58 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
Alyssamd--you are NOT crossing a line. All kids want to know that there is someone who cares enough about them to make them behave, wear sunscreen, eat healthy and do what they're supposed to. You're being the grown-up so she can be free to be the kid. Children want boundaries, even if they say they don't. I think you're going to be seeing a lot more of this little girl because she knows you care, you're in charge, and that makes your home a safe place for her.
Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 3:32 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
Alyssa, I had this rule, too. For years.
Your house...your rules.
Dreamboat ( member #10506) posted at 3:49 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
Your house... your rules!
This, 1000000% It does not matter if she can drink soda with meals at home. At YOUR house, no one drinks soda with dinner. Period. She will learn your rules and if she does not like them then too bad, she can stop coming over.
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine
confused girl ( member #10649) posted at 5:22 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
And, she won't stop coming over. She knows you care and she probably likes the structure. Even if she can't verbalize it and probably doesn't realize it.
Alyssamd24 (original poster member #39005) posted at 11:19 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
Thanks everyone. I think she does kinda realize it cuz she made a comment to me that her parents dont miss her when she isnt home and they want to"send her away in a box".
That broke my heart
Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you.....the thing you think you can't survive....its the thing that makes you better than you used to be.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:06 PM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
Nope Not crossing a line.
I had a best friend that lived four houses away from me when I was young. Her mom was a SAHM, and she was Green before it was cool, and my friend was her first born, I was the second kid.
They had all kinds of rules. Some were freaking weird, like not flushing the toilet (to save water) unless it was solid. No snacking between meals of any kind (I always came home from their house starving). And no playing in direct sunshine for more than 30 minutes (I'm a kid of the 70's and there wasn't much use of sunscreen, and my friend was almost transparent).
I had no problem following those rules that's how they did it. No biggie.
I'm sure your niece feels the same way, but that doesn't mean she won't try to push the rules and boundaries every time she can.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
sadone29 ( member #38597) posted at 7:08 PM on Friday, June 6th, 2014
That's so sad, Alyssa.
And I agree that you're not crossing a line. If there are kids coming over, they have to live by our rules while they're here.
[This message edited by sadone29 at 1:09 PM, June 6th (Friday)]
DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"It is an act of self-respect and preservation to not forgive."
He finally moved out only because I became on obstacle in his new affair.
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