I noticed my WH distancing himself while struggling with turning 50. I was going through menopause and fighting some depression at the time. This started in late 2009.
We went to Las Vegas for our 25th anniversary in summer of 2010. WH did not want sex...odd I thought. When we got back home I looked at our cell phone bill and noticed a number several times. When I asked him about it he said it must be someone from work. At that time he used his personal phone for work, as his work Blackberry only had email capabilities.
Fast forward to June 2011. My husband went out one night to meet the guys at the bar to watch the Stanley Cup. I had been having that nagging feeling more and more that something was not right. I again pulled up our cell phone bill and low and behold...there was page after page after page of their texts. No picture texts and no phone calls. I reversed search the number and paid for the report. A female, 28 yrs old.
When he got home I confronted him. His "story" was she was "just a friend" and was calling him about problems with her boyfriend, which was close friends with my husband. I demanded he stop. He agreed and only a couple of texts came after that.
Now at the end of 2012 I start again having that weird feeling. Even though he is staying home more than ever and we are trying to do more things together. I check the phone bill in May 2013 and notice there are several calls at night to numbers I'm not familiar with.
What I finally figured out by the beginning of August 2013 was that my husband had been going to a local strip club after bowling or poker or golf. The phone number that showed up so often back in 2010 turned out to be a stripper at that club. She is half his age. He said that he could go there and talk with her and she would listen to his problems. He was also heavily drinking at this time. DUI in November 2011.
We talked and he promised no more contact with her at all. He asked if he could stop and say hi to the bartender and the manager (male) of the club, as they had all become friends. I told him I didn't even want him within miles of the property. He agreed.
We had been working on things and our sex life had really taken off. More sex than our early years of marriage. Doing more things together. Long story short, one stripper hit the stripper he always went to talk to. Charges were filed. The manager of the club called my husband after lunch on that Friday 3/28, as a detective wanted to ask him some questions about it.
We were at my brothers family's house April 19th for Easter. As I was still having that weird feeling; while my WH was gone golfing, he left his personal and work phone in the nightstand of the guestroom. I had watched him get into the work phone during the week so I would know the password. While looking through his work phone I looked at the camera and tapped on the little square in the corner to see pictures taken. WOW!! There for me to see was this young stripper with a dildo in her ass and a vibrator on her clit, masturbating for him. There were some other selfies with her sexy underwear and bra on and him in his tighty whities.
My husband denied being in those pictures until I sent him a copy of the text where I had sent a text to this stripper (you bet I knew the number) and she said yes he was at the club and they were in a back room. She was pretty up front that she talks to older well to do men that are stress from work and home life. I told her the pictures were pretty sexual in nature.
To be honest, she was very forthcoming and said that yes they were and she does those so the men have something of the sexual fantasy to take with them. She apologized for causing problems in my family and said she never thought about these type of ramifications. She said they have never had intercourse, as she does not see him in that way, and she does not f**k men for money. Play sexual fantasies yes, but that is it. I explained to her it is my husband's fault and only his, I do not blame her. There was no intercourse, but really does that matter at this point??
I fought with my WH today about why he would see her again if things were going so good between us. After much badgering and badgering and badgering, he got mad and said because the manager bought them shots after the detective left on the fight complaint. He did it because he wanted to. She took his work phone and ran to the back. He had paid for a'dancers drink' for her.While I know my husband can be a hothead and doesn't think about how hurtful the things he says can be (until way after the fact)...it cut deep.
Do any WH's have any insight on this for me. I know there had to be an EA at one time in the past. From everything I can check the texting has not continued. Well this always be a temptation for him??