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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: When a friend encourages you to date their brother.....
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
What?  Posted: 9:01 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay....so one of my friends...whom was in my wedding as a bridesmaid back in 2005....worked with her for 3 years as a dispatcher etc. etc. is encouraging me to go out with her brother who is about 5 years younger than me. His age (30) isn't bad to me.....but its the idea of dating the brother of a close friend that concerns me. It may or may not go anywhere.....if we went out....BUT...if it went bad....or did not go anywhere.....what would happen??? She would inevitably choose her brother over me and then I've lost a friend! IMHO.....I don't think its worth it! Her brother contacted me on that dating website......and I knew exactly who it was. He is sweet.....kinda cute....and seems responsible......HOWEVER.....I love my friend. She is pregnant and I want to be a part of her and her child's life..... and despite her encouraging me to go on a date with her baby brother..... I think its most likely a bad idea.

Thoughts? Have any of you ever ventured into uncharted territory and dated anyone basically socially "forbidden?" It kinda goes hand in hand with my rule of not dating co-workers. Don't crap where you eat type of thing.... IDK.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah this is one of those "all or nothing" situations... proceed with extreme caution. It's good that you have her blessing but if it doesn't work out (especially if it ends badly)...


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15343 | Registered: Jun 2006
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah....that is what I'm saying....I think I'm going to avoid this situation at all costs. He's probably a great guy....but its not worth losing a friend.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THen go ahead and tell her just like that "Your brother is obviously a great guy. However, I know that even relationships with the best intentions don't always work out. You are one of my dear friends and I would hate for it to end if things with him don't work out. I appreciate that you're looking out for me. Don't hesitate to send me other good men!"


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15343 | Registered: Jun 2006
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, June 5th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought you were taking a break from dating?


"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron

Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16


Posts: 18688 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
nolight
♀ 32785
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you've made the right decision Shelly :)


Did she make you cry, make you breakdown and shatter your illusion of love? And is it over now and do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home? - Fleetwood Mac

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
stronger08
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:52 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally would never date a close relative of any of my friends. Same goes for dating at work, its a disaster waiting to happen.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5905 | Registered: Nov 2007
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lots of people are able to navigate these situations - I am not one of them. Especially as I get older and my friends are actual friends, not just party buddies/acquaintances.

I say trust your gut on this one - could you navigate it?

It kind of sucks though - don't most people meet through work or friends of friends? Isn't that the best way to meet people? This friend sounds particularly close though so I would be loathe to risk it.

The friends brothers friends? Go for it.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5734 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought you were taking a break from dating?

I am! This situation fell into my lap and was a big fluke! I would have never responded to his email on the dating site but I knew him and consider him a friend. I should have just ignored him but then it would be awkward because it would have been read as I blew him off. Just seemed like a fine line. I'm going to have to deactivate my account. But, I told him that I'm taking a break and that dating is just too hard for me right now with trying to find time to date and being a single mom with a toddler. I told my friend the same thing. I hope she understands but I know when to walk away.

I made plans instead for next Friday to go to a movie with Piper's Godmother (my friend of 29 years) instead. And, my best friend is awesome....and is planning a birthday party for me in July! She's got a pool and we are going to go get Mexican food on half price margarita night! WOO-HOO! Life is sweet and I don't need a man to make it that way!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 7:41 AM, June 6th (Friday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do you think it's a bad idea? Is there any other reason, except for the part that he's your friend's brother?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
soulsearcher4
♂ 29540
Member # 29540
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"End badly?"

How?

What are you going to do to him that is so bad that your friend would choose her brother over you?

If he likes you, and you don't like him, he should respect that and move on.

We're adults here. Sometimes relationships don't work out. It shouldn't affect anyone's relationships besides you and her brother.


Me: BS
Her: WS

Divorced.

Remarried to a supremely wonderful person!


Posts: 178 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: So.Cal.
foxglove
♀ 21791
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My significant other is the brother of a good friend.

At the time, I was asking select friends and colleagues if they knew someone that they thought might be a good match to let me know about them. I actually consider this to be a good strategy, because it's someone who knows you and they know the other person.



Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1462 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
notmeanymore
♀ 9772
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Situations like this can be awkward but if everyone is capable of acting like an adult it doesn't have to be catastrophic if it doesn't work out.

I dated a guy at work, way too soon after I split from X. Things didn't work out, and yeah it sucked at first because I felt rejected. But now we're just friends again.


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 877 | Registered: Feb 2006
Topic Posts: 13

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