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So My "Wayward" Phoned Me Long Distance ...

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BlackHorse posted 6/5/2014 22:04 PM

So I woke up this morning with a myriad of things to bother me - and the day seemed to get progressively worse as the afternoon went by.

I had the day off and I felt the walls close in on me. The loneliness was so bad I started thinking about getting another cat to keep me company. I am a cat person at heart and my last one died over two years ago at the age of 18 years.

My "wayward" had a dog when she came to live with me - but I sent the dog to her three weeks ago by plane to her new home in the USA. Days after the dog arrived to her - communication was severed between us because she wanted time to think.

It is five weeks since "D-Day" and eighteen days since I last spoke to her.

The phone rang just before dinner and I stupidly picked it up before I checked "call display" It was my "wayward" calling long distance - she had computer problems and wanted my help to fix it.

I was not expecting her to phone - I was not expecting her to ask for my help - and I was not expecting her to especially ask for help with the very device that made it so easy for her to become "wayward" - her damn laptop.

I imagine you can guess what I did ...

... Like a total fool - I helped her as best I could.

I hope her friend "Bob" appreciates what I did for him tonight!!!

I even asked my "wayward" during the computer repair if she understood how ludicrous this situation was for me. I told her I soon expected everything to change from color to "black & white" - and "Rod Serling" would be speaking into a camera in the corner soon - as the beginning of "The Twilight Zone" episode started - with me in the lead role.

Submitted for your approval - a man who just mistakenly answered a long distance phone call from "The Twilight Zone".

I wish I could see some humor in all of it - but I do not.

Some people do not believe in "hell" - but it exists! It is in my apartment (that she and I shared) and I cannot escape it.

- BlackHorse.

hardtimesinlife posted 6/5/2014 22:31 PM

You are a good person to help her in the face of what she did. Don't be too hard on yourself.

BlackHorse posted 6/5/2014 23:10 PM

"hardtimesinlife" - thank you very much for your gentle words. I sort of need them tonight after what I did for her.

My "wayward" asked if her calling me tonight for help with her laptop set me back - and I told her that it did. I knew she could tell by how my voice sounded - if not by my actual words.

I am forever "that guy" who always tells the truth and always does what is right. That is apparently what attracted her to me in the first place - so she told me so long ago.

I hate being me ...

coldshot posted 6/5/2014 23:31 PM

Don't be hard on yourself for being who you are. By the same token, do not feel obligated in any way to someone who has betrayed you like your WW has. It is mind boggling to me the disconnectedness of an unremorseful wayward... my wife asked me to help her fix fence posts when the night before she had snuck out to rendezvous with her pathetic AP in a parking lot. I laughed at her, and said a few things she didn't care to hear.
Get a cat! F--k her, I know it hurts but you need to detach, concentrate on your healing. I think a cat is a great idea. Be strong, don't hate yourself, brother. You are a good man.

5454real posted 6/5/2014 23:52 PM

Brother, I am sorry.

Submitted for your approval - a man who just mistakenly answered a long distance phone call from "The Twilight Zone".

I wish I could see some humor in all of it - but I do not.

Really? Sometimes, it's the darkest of humor that gets us through. In that spirit.....

Sending strength

EvenKeel posted 6/6/2014 11:49 AM

You were caught off guard with the phone call and instincts just kicked in. It is ok.

NOW that you know she WILL call for help, you have time to think of a response so you do not get sucked in again.

It is all a new learning process.

stronger08 posted 6/6/2014 12:54 PM

You have to pull your hands away from the whipping post in order not to be whipped. I think its time you pulled away, don't you ?

Junebug0525 posted 6/6/2014 13:13 PM

Don't feel bad. I actually kind of helped XH and OW get back together after I found out the truth about everything (story in my profile).

Skan posted 6/6/2014 15:13 PM

Hey. Shit happens. You just gotta scrape it off of you and keep going.

So. Now you know that she has no problems contacting you when SHE needs something and, to hell with what it does to you. It's a lesson. What have you learned from it? Don't pick up the phone unless you check the caller ID. If this is a mobile phone, I would suggest that you put a very distinctive ringer on it maybe a pig oinking? This way you'll know right up front that it's from her. You'll want to block her number the minute you have everything separated, but for now, guard your privacy and your heart. Also, "NO" is a complete sentence. You need not justify nor explain yourself. Also, "you fired me from the job of being your support. Good by." accompanied by a hang-up works really well too.

Pretty much everyone has these lapses early on. Don't be too hard on yourself, but do learn from it.

BlackHorse posted 6/7/2014 13:07 PM

Thank you all for your very compassionate and thoughtful responses. They all helped me a great deal as I am forced to process yet more things thanks to my "wayward" - and my need to make myself feel worse because of it.

Five days before she phoned me long-distance (June 5th) - she had also called out to me in a message on "Facebook" (May 31st) because she was sad and lonely. She also called out to others that same evening in the middle of the night on another general on-line support group.

I did not see her "Facebook" message because I was asleep - plus I do not keep "Facebook" up and running anymore since her and I are no more. It use to run always in case she needed me whenever she was away for medical reasons. I was always there for her - and I suppose that she thinks that is still so.

Yes the phone call from her caught me off guard when I heard her voice. It was a long couple of hours since she knows very little about computers and I had to advise her slowly in what to do - plus I was not sure of the source of the problem making it longer than I would have liked.

In pondering what happened with her contacting me via "Facebook" - and also with her computer problem phone call - I can see she is truly messed up "Big Time". I also see how completely selfish she is - worrying only about herself and not about anyone else. That was not how "the old her" use to be - or maybe I really never saw it because I did not want to see it since I loved her so much.

She still is fine with causing me more pain and suffering - as long as it serves her own purpose.

Though at the time I was unaware of her "Facebook" message to me - I was aware she had called on anyone to help keep her company in the early hours on the "Loneliness" group on the other on-line support group. I mentioned it to her during the phone call. I said how can you be "lonely and sad" when you now reside in a place with two other family members - two cats - and two dogs (with one dog being hers which I sent to her three weeks ago)?

I compared her living conditions to mine (now that she and her dog are gone from here) - I told her "what I have here is truly lonely and sad". She gave no response that I can remember.

She suffers chronic pain (24/7) from a near death car accident decades ago - her body is coming up with new medical issues all the time - she has suffered greatly at the hands of other men in her youth and her abusive and manipulative estranged husband ...

... but that is no reason to pass along pain to others - which she seems to do so easily without a thought or a care to the consequences of her actions to others.

I no longer know what I saw in her - I just wish I could forget who I thought she was in my own version from before - and fully see her for what and who she truly is now and who she probably always was - but I was in love and could not see beyond the "rose colored glasses".

In regards to "Facebook" and the other on-line support group - I deleted both my accounts so I will not have to see her messages any longer. In time I will change my phone number but right now I cannot since I am looking for better employment and my phone number is out on many resumes.

Thank you once again to all. This is a horrible situation to have to deal with where strong emotions are involved - our love and our hearts - and how carelessly they were treated by the ones we thought we could trust the most above all.

I shall continue on my path to recovery - and be more careful when the phone rings.

- BlackHorse.

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