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One year--how was it for you?

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Saadnblu posted 6/6/2014 08:54 AM

June 11, last year, I read his email. I had had an epiphany: he had been even more remote and mean to me in the preceding weeks. So I read his emails. He had gone off to another country for work, and we had decided that he would miss my son's end of school year events, so that we could join him there for a vacation. The emails I found were full of begging her to come to meet him there BEFORE we arrived. To come back to the city to our apartment (while MY BOY AND I were here in the country), and sleep in our bed with her. And they were also full of talk about the times they spend all over the world together, while he was "working" and I was home taking care of our child. I remember the countless sessions of MC in which I was inevitably blamed for one thing after another --WHILE HE WAS HAVING HIS FUCKING AFFAIR!

It's as though the year of healing didn't happen! I am full of rage and hurt again.

How about it--has anyone else experienced this? Please tell me so I can make it through the next couple weeks!

Thinkingtoomuch posted 6/6/2014 11:03 AM

It's been 3 yrs. out for me, and I'm sure my circumstances are different than yours (together 8, engaged and living together 7 1/2, x at DD 3 yrs. ago, therefore abandoned and life changed suddenly). But I still have triggers around that have changed me and affected my daily life with people and surroundings, and how I'll navigate the rest of my life. People, my job, and past life experiences have all added to the effects.

Realizing the timeline of his behaviors and what you were experiencing and dealing with during the A, or after, at those times is rough. I had gotten weirdly sick that went on and on in such strange ways, I kept trying to figure out what and why I was going thru these symptoms (I'm a very detailed RN and bottom liner scientific problem solver).

So after I got more distance from the whole mess, the pieces of the puzzle started to make sense(?) and I got MAD. Xwf put my health at great risk, and put me thru hell during 2 yrs., and cost me alot of money and stress, made me very ill. That's why I figured the A started long before he said.

I don't get sad too much anymore, but I will allow myself to get mad, just to keep me on my toes. It reminds me just how to view other peoples' treatment of me in everyday life now too.

[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 11:06 AM, June 6th (Friday)]

one2ndchance posted 6/6/2014 11:21 AM

We've all experienced the rage. The rage is what propels you through divorce.

For me, as the years have gone by, the rage is all but gone. All that's left is a sadness that someone I loved and trusted would betray me, not once, but twice.

Gemini71 posted 6/6/2014 16:29 PM

I found that the days leading up to an Antiversary were harder than the actual date. Stay strong. Vent here. We'll listen.

Saadnblu posted 6/9/2014 14:36 PM

Thank you so much for your replies. I'm just taking it one day at a time now--and hoping I can come through ok. Will try to take care of myself and my son. Just helps to know I'm not alone.

Angeles85 posted 6/9/2014 15:00 PM

So after I got more distance from the whole mess, the pieces of the puzzle started to make sense(?) and I got MAD.
^^This, after some time when I could actually analyze our relationship I realized so many things that I ignored/didn't see at that moment. I felt soo stupid because I ignored red flags and because I realized he was VERY manipulative. Don't feel bad, it's been 5 months for me and there are days where I feel as if it just happened (I feel sad, angry, etc)
You are not alone.

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