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bunni972 posted 6/6/2014 09:22 AM

If you found an email account where your FWH was looking for a "discreet married man" to perform a certain sexual act that his BS does not like or want to perform.

Tred posted 6/6/2014 09:31 AM

I think I'd drop the F off of've already had two DDays. And I wouldn't have sex again until he had an STD panel done.

EvenKeel posted 6/6/2014 09:57 AM

I would be performing a certain act that he does not like or want to perform.....serving him D papers.

Edited: Sorry - I did not mean to sound short. I read your history and he has a history that includes making you feel like you have done something to result in As. I don't see how this time will be any different, he is going to say he is doing this because you aren't willing.

None of that was your fault. He has other choices if he is not happy in the marriage.

Please stop letting him convince you that your actions creative his "recipe" for A(s). He has a problem that he needs to address.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 10:05 AM, June 6th (Friday)]

confused615 posted 6/6/2014 11:47 AM

This happened to me. I found his secret email account. Only he was looking to give..not receive.

A straight man doesn't look for other men to have sex..of any kind with. He is either bi, or gay. You need to know.

Have you confronted him yet? If not, start investigating, but don't let him know what you know. It'll be hard. But if you confront too soon he will tell you it's a joke, he was curious,blah,blah,blah.

Keylogger...VAR...etc. doesn't matter if you will give him oral sex or not. He has no right to look outside the marriage.

Im so sorry. It's a tough situation. And scary. And shocking. And so very painful. Im so sorry.

LostSamurai posted 6/6/2014 12:11 PM

I be deeply worried that he is looking for Other Men...

Have you confronted him about this? That too me is very troublesome.

Rebreather posted 6/6/2014 12:21 PM

I would do nothing other than see a lawyer and file for divorce. Probably with some shock and awe included.*

*this has nothing to do with the gender involved, but with the added dday

bunni972 posted 6/6/2014 12:22 PM

I have not said anything to him yet. I just happened to see it this morning when I set down at his computer. He had a window minimized so I looked at it and that's when I saw it. I just read the headlines of the email notifications from Craigslist because I didn't have his password for this email account I didn't know he even had.
He was sleeping when I left for work this morning. That's all I have heard about this week is how he wants, needs, deserves a blow job. WTF ever!! He knows I don't like to do it, this isn't some big surprise, I never had. I have done it in the past but its harder for me to do it know, knowing the places he has put that thing! Yes it does it for me occasionally but that is the only way that I get any pleasure from our love making. Ughh.....

suckstobeme posted 6/6/2014 13:45 PM

Wow. I'm so sorry. I would think what everyone else has thought - he's going to cheat again. It doesn't matter if it's with a man or a woman - he's no longer a Former wayward and likely never was.

You have to do everything you can to protect yourself. It's bad enough when they develop a relationship with one person as the AP, but soliciting sex acts from total strangers on the internet is even worse. You have no idea who these people are, where they've been, and even if they do this as a "profession".

While I know it's a drastic move, I'm with the other posters who have said to just get your ducks in a row and file for divorce. He's not going to turn into a caring, compassionate husband who understands why his wife is uncomfortable with certain things. He's obviously extremely selfish and immature - almost like that 17 year old boyfriend we all had who would (not so subtly) shove your head in that direction during a make out session. That's manipulative, cruel, and toxic and it won't change unless/until he sees that it's wrong and does some serious work on himself. I wouldn't wait around for that to happen.

Get away from him. He's dangerous.

Schadenfreude posted 6/6/2014 13:50 PM

I'd think HIV testing right away for both of you especially if I'm reading between the lines accurately. As well as STD battery.

Because I'm on a transplant list, I'm HIV tested annually. And I get the same official-sounding letter every year that I'm negative. But I don't have a spouse who is "gay curious" with men.

Confused isn't confused. Straight men just don't have sex with other men. We're not even touchy feely like you women are with each other. Adding to that, straight men don't have an interest in playing catcher, if you know what I mean.

gonnabe2016 posted 6/6/2014 13:50 PM

I would
1) be concerned about the true nature of his sexuality; and/or
2) be concerned that his *desire* was so overwhelming that he's looking for a 'loophole'. I have no idea why, but when I read your post the first thing I thought was that, if caught by you, his response would be his behavior's not 'cheating' because it was with a man -- followed by blameshifting since *you* won't do 'that'.

Ostrich80 posted 6/6/2014 14:01 PM

Triple post

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:08 PM, June 6th (Friday)]

Ostrich80 posted 6/6/2014 14:01 PM

Oops triple post

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:08 PM, June 6th (Friday)]

Ostrich80 posted 6/6/2014 14:01 PM

Two DD's, both what I would call risky..craigslist and working girls, and now some random stranger to get a bj. Personally, I wouldn't perform any sex act with him, he's dangerous for your health not to mention what he's doing to you emotionally. I'm so sorry. I don't usually say this to members but really, I hope you find the strength to put him in the past. He's chipping your life away and there will eventually be just a shell left I'm afraid. A person can only take so much before they break. Please take care of yourself, you being priority, him not even close.

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