SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

told WW about SI

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Pages: 1 · 2

LostSamurai posted 6/6/2014 10:01 AM

WW and I had a conversation when I was playing with my DD. What started as a conversation about hacking into her email then turned into a conversation about me getting a divorce from her.

She asked where this come from and I said SI has basically guided me into making the decisions. It is part of my healing and moving on.

Well, she asked if I could send her the link.

I told her sure, I don't care. I am thinking of saying here is a link, register, and post here to defend yourself and then say who your STBXBS is.

What you recommend?

Schadenfreude posted 6/6/2014 10:09 AM

Equally opportunity website. WWs are welcomed,,too.

The only issue is your privacy. I haven't reviewed all your posts, but you should check to see if there is anything in them that might be used against you in D proceedings. She'll never catch up to your 800+ posts, so you'll never have the same quantity of "ammo" to use against her.

Suggestion: send her to Reddit or similar. Shel go nuts trying to figure out which poster is you.

yearsofpain25 posted 6/6/2014 10:12 AM

*sigh* LS, go ahead and give her the link if you want to. I fear what you are expecting is that she's going to sign up and "fix her shit". The problem is she doesn't see that she has any "shit" to fix. I fear that if you give her the links she is going to read and then start to use them against you. I fear that she would especially use your posts against you in a divorce. Look what you said about attacking OM. That's going to freak the shit outta her and she is going to start blaming you for stuff. I'm afraid your sitch will get uglier than it already is and she'll say slander and type of crap.

If she truly has a desire to fix herself and work on herself, then go for it. Even if she does that, DO NOT confuse her working on her shit with her miraculously "getting it" and suddenly you will be in R. Doesn't work that way.

Personally, I wouldn't let her know you were here and show her your stuff. I know where your heart is LS and I'm afraid it's not going to have the effect that you desire.

yop

eta - typos

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 10:14 AM, June 6th (Friday)]

sisoon posted 6/6/2014 10:15 AM

Gently, I think you're missing what detachment means.

Send her the link or not. Detach from your desire to affect the outcome.

For SI to be useful to her, she needs to want to heal, not defend herself.

And if she finds your posts, she may very well have a roadmap for hoovering you so badly your head will spin, so prepare yourself.

LostSamurai posted 6/6/2014 10:21 AM

No, I doubt if she is GTFHS. I haven't sent it to her. Truthfully because I sent it to her a long time ago. I was just wondering. I am not afraid of anything here because all of it is just venting, or telling the truth about the situation.

And, lets be honest, if it went to court.
"Your honor, he said he was going to attack the man I been screwing for 3 years."

Judge: What do you expect? And did he.

"No."

Judge: Not guilty.

The reality of going to a website and posting what you feel or experiencing or seeing is a much further cry from actually doing something. In MC, I said I did things to work on myself, such as go to anger management and so forth.

I said she hasn't done anything. She claims taken medicine and going to a few sessions means you done something. The truth is taking medicine is not doing anything to fix the situation at all. It is just to help calm your nerves and to hopefully help you think clearer but it's not going to be the proper way to get to a solution.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 10:23 AM, June 6th (Friday)]

Aubrie posted 6/6/2014 10:28 AM

LS, aren't you getting a D? Wasn't that the last update?

If so, d-e-t-a-c-h. 180. NC. All that jazz.

You cannot change her. You keep trying to make her see. And now you want to give her access to your safe place? Who says she will see the light? I cannot tell you how many BS have given their WS this site and the WS used it as a tool to do "just enough" to keep the BS on the hook. They played the game. Then burned their BS over and over and over. And ultimately, NEVER CHANGED. All it did was prolong the inevitable.

Do you want that for yourself? Do you want her to keep hurting you?

Aubrie posted 6/6/2014 10:38 AM

I will add.....

If she was doing the work she could, if she was at least trying to "get it", if you were attempting R, I would be all for her joining.

But she hasn't.done.jack LS.

I feel this will blow up on you.

brokenblackbird posted 6/6/2014 10:41 AM

What happened to NC except for DD? That dissolved quickly, it seems like it was only yesterday...

craig2001 posted 6/6/2014 10:42 AM

Send it to her. I don't think it can hurt you if she already knows your intentions as you posted them here. And who knows, maybe she will read something in the WS forum or the healing library that will finally sink in.

As far as attacking the OM. Is there a BH in this world who hasn't threatened that before.

LostSamurai posted 6/6/2014 10:45 AM

It's a little hard to go 100% NC unless it's about DD and Finances. I couldn't take my daughter with me any where because she wasn't feeling well, so I played with her at her Grandparents house where they are both staying. I already called a few law offices and have to set up some appointments.

I know I am not doing the 180 successfully, and this is really the REAL first time I attempted it. I am probably doing a 90 but trying to get that other 90 out there. It is hard.

confused615 posted 6/6/2014 10:54 AM

Please don't do this.

She is unremorseful. She is highly manipulative. She is emotionally abusive.

She will pick your posts apart.

You are trying to detach..right?

If you show her this site and your posts, you know full well she will pick your posts apart. She will text you abuse over and over..and over. She will use this against you. She will bring things up that you have put to rest.

She will use this to cause you more pain.

Im all for WS's coming to SI.

But unremorseful WS who are especially cruel..like your WW? AND...you...the BH.. obviously still in love with her and hoping she will wake up..AND you are going to get a divorce?

NO.

[This message edited by confused615 at 10:55 AM, June 6th (Friday)]

brokenblackbird posted 6/6/2014 10:59 AM

It's a little hard to go 100% NC unless it's about DD and Finances. I couldn't take my daughter with me any where because she wasn't feeling well, so I played with her at her Grandparents house where they are both staying.

I get it. We all get it. Life can be crappy and HARD, but we gotta pull up our bitch boots and deal with it even when we just wanna wear our slippers and cry all day.

Every day will not be 100%, but you aren't just not doing the 180, you are feeding her more of you in the hopes that she will change.

What was your motivation in giving SI to her?

LostSamurai posted 6/6/2014 10:59 AM

There was a part of me that wanted to do things for her to turn around, but if it's not on her own accord, and willing to try then I am wasting my time. I know.

It's hard. Loving someone and then saying good bye possibly forever is hard. It hurts when you think the person doesn't want you after they hurt you.

DrJekyll posted 6/6/2014 11:01 AM

WS here, hope thats ok

post here to defend yourself

this definitely sounds like you will be destroying your safe place. Keep this for yourself. IMHO the last thing you want is for her to read through and confuse you by being half-hearted about it. I am not familiar with your story. But only you will be able to understand her intentions. You will feel it. I am sure she has been manipulating you as all WS do. But I am betting you are on high alert. My knew that I was still manipulating between DDay1 and DDay2. I am sure that you still sense this as you are moving forward with D. Trust your guts. BS guts are usually spot on.

I will say, that SI is what gave me the courage to be truthful. But trust your gut. Only you can guess how she will react.

Best wishes for you.

hardtimesinlife posted 6/6/2014 11:04 AM

She is going to tell you that you are "Throwing away your marriage, your daughter and everything else based on what a bunch of women hating betrayed spouses are telling you" Then she's going to tell you that "You don't even know these people yet you are letting them run your life"

Been there, done that.
Sorry, I think it's a bad bad bad idea unless and until the WS is remorseful and wants their marriage to recover.

brokenblackbird posted 6/6/2014 11:09 AM

It's hard. Loving someone and then saying good bye possibly forever is hard

You are not saying 'good bye' to her. Even if you get divorced, this woman is going to be in your life for a long time because you share a child.

What makes you think she would change now?


How are you doing with the 180 today? How many times have you talked to her?

LostSamurai posted 6/6/2014 11:09 AM

WS always welcome on my site. I appreciate the feedback and I will just follow the advice. She doesn't get it and probably never will.

ButterflyGirl posted 6/6/2014 11:22 AM

I think ANY conversation besides DD and finances is you looking for hope. Sending her this link, is you looking for hope.

But honestly, I totally agree with this:

She is going to tell you that you are "Throwing away your marriage, your daughter and everything else based on what a bunch of women hating betrayed spouses are telling you" Then she's going to tell you that "You don't even know these people yet you are letting them run your life"

Your WW asked "where is this coming from?" I think she did that because she wants to know why she is losing control of you. Why aren't you willing to sit around and be plan B? And now you've given her what's been a source of strength for you, and she's going to try to destroy it so that SHE has control over your emotions again.

She doesn't DESERVE to know about your life, where you are getting your strength, what you are doing with your time, NOTHING. Has she been totally honest with YOU about her actions? Well, obviously not. So I wish you wouldn't feel the need to give something to her that she obviously hasn't been willing to give to you.

I think SI is for REMORSEFUL waywards. It says so right on the welcome tab. Your wife has proven to NOT be remorseful at this point, so I think opening this world up to her is a mistake.

betrayedidiot posted 6/6/2014 11:29 AM

Unfortunately, I would bet that she already googled and found the site. You had better prepare yourself for the fall out.

I think it can be damaging for some WWs to come here. There is basically a road map here to teach WWs how to act remorseful. Lying, manipulative people get exact instuctions on how to act and be believed. Whether they really are or not remorseful inside. They see their BS posting and know how to react to stay in the game. JMO.

LostSamurai posted 6/6/2014 11:41 AM

Prepare for FALLOUT... where I am now. It can't be any worst. As far as talk today. She only asked me if I called the doctor about my medicine. She told me about DD and that was it.

Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy