Appalachian Gal:
I am sorry you are here.
Just want you to know other people hear you and understand your dilemma.
Please see an attorney before you tell him goodbye.
You need to know your rights regarding financial issues like pensions, social security, etc.
Also, some people can get vindictive when things are ending and empty the bank account.
Don't do that because you will likely have to pay it back, but do let the attorney freeze the accounts.
As for how to tell him goodbye.... I am still trying to work that out myself.
With my wayward, I only know of one affair, but I suspect others. I can't prove those. But there is damning evidence like condoms found 15 years ago, when we did not use them. Friends seeming uncomfortable, and as if they wanted to tell me something, then changed their minds.
I am still with my wayward for the children, but thinking of filing soon.
The special connection is gone.
I, too, no longer feel safe with my husband.
I now know that the guy I thought was my best friend, is a liar, a thief and a cheat.
A friend said to me once, if your wayward was a business partner who did things that could hurt you behind your back, lied to you and embezzled money to spend on something other than the business, wouldn't you dissolve the partnership?
That comment really woke me up to the reality of my daily life.
I don't know what woke you up, but maybe it's a good thing.
You could always ask the attorney what his opinion of the best way to say goodbye is.
Some people I know simply file and never talk to the wayward again. The attorney talks to them.