So, some of you may remember me. A little background for those that are new here or do not remember me. I was married to a narcissistic , sociopathic, pedophile that is now serving time for abusing my son. His trial was two years ago.
I have been divorced for 6 years. But due to the instability of my son and the trial for my ex, dating was the last thing on my mind. But, after some encouragement from my friend, I signed up for OLD over a year ago. I met some nice guys, no creepers, but no connections until I met "Billy" last June.
Billy was recently divorced. Billy had very recently(as in a few days) moved to my city from out of state. He knew no one. He clearly stated that he was just looking for friends to help him acclimate to his new city. So, I sent him a message. He responded. We exchanged a few messages, then on to phone conversations, then we met. I went to the hotel to pick him up for our first meeting over coffee. When he opened the door (even though I had seen his photo) my first thought was,"I am toast" but I kept it under wraps. We then went on the hunt for an apartment for him. At the coffee shop, we zeroed in on areas for the apartment search. After several hours of apartment hunting, we shifted gears and I showed him some highlights of the city. We enjoyed a nice dinner. We got along very well, and really hit it off. Good communication, similar sense of humor, etc. We ended the day by making out.
For the next week, I would spend time every morning looking for apartments on Craigslist. I would email him the link and he would check them out. After a week, he rented an apartment. He had issues with getting his furniture and personal belongings delivered, and was in his apartment for over a month and still did not have his things. So due to my extensive experience in the legal world, I wrote an email to the company and demanded delivery. He had his things within the week.
During the time he did not have his personal items, I brought over cooking items, an air mattress,sheets, towels, etc etc. I wanted to make his living experience as good as it could be under the circumstances. He was forever telling me that I was an "angel", that he was telling people of my kindness and how easy I had made his transition.
He would text me first thing in the morning, during the day, and last thing at night. We talked everyday, and I saw him several times a week. I felt a little smothered, but I felt he was so clingy because he knew no one but me.
The first red flag showed up when his belonging were delivered. I live 30 minutes away from his apartment. It was a Saturday, and I was home catching up on my own chores. I sent a text as to how the move was going, and clearly he was distressed. he asked me to come, so I dropped everything and went to assist him. When I arrived, he was overwhelmed. I was struck by how few belonging he had, but still there were several boxes. I spent the next several hours unpacking his things, washing the dishes, organizing the kitchen, etc, etc. I unpacked all but two boxes which he unpacked at a snails pace. It is now nearly 10 pm, and I am starved. He suggested we get take-out. Unfortunately, most places were closed. However, a pizza place was open so we went in to order. He asked me what type of pizza I wanted, he ordered, and I said,"Oh, and add on one of those cinnamon pizzas too!" To which Billy turned to me and said,"Are you paying?' Are you serious? It was $4.99. When I replied,"No". He said, "Well then don't be ordering things you are not paying for." I was stunned. Yet, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
The next few months were yo-yoing back and forth. I would tire of his bullshit, leave, and then he would lure me back. There was drama at Christmas(his gift was 3 cashmere sweaters from Goodwill. All sized XS or S, I wear a large. When he noted I noticed the size, he said,"Well, you wanted to lose weight." (Yes, I wanted to get in better shape, but I am not obese but I am busty. The odds of me wearing an XS or S are slim to none) and New year's. It was exhausting. Billy would never want to discuss things, but rather just move on from where we are.
Finally, a week before Valentine's Day, and two weeks before my birthday, I had been to his house to make a VERY nice dinner. Shortly after dinner, he picked yet another fight. I paused, left the room, and contemplated what I wanted to do. I am not a fighter. I don't scream. I very rarely get mad. But I knew I could no longer tolerate his behavior. So I calmly gathered up my things, and left his apartment. I have not been back.
Did I hear from him on Valentine's day? Nope. Did I hear from him on my birthday? Nope. But, two weeks after my birthday and 6 days before his birthday, He called. I answered. He wished me a happy belated birthday. He then went on to "casually" mention that he would be 56 on Tuesday. I engaged in conversation, but he did not ask to see me. I realized after i hung up the phone that his call was to "remind" me of his birthday with hopes that I would honor him in some way. I did not. I did not call. I did not text. I did not send a card nor go by his place. Nothing. Nada. The next morning he called when I was in the shower. He left a message regarding his birthday. he was clearly miffed.
So that was in March. He still had a few of my things so I met him at a neutral spot in April to retrieve them.
Billy has had a music business for over twenty years. He mentioned throughout our relationship that he wanted to update his logo. Before I get into that, I should also mention that Billy always had "projects" for me. Assemble furniture, fix his glasses, sew on a button, etc. So he had asked me if I could create a new logo, and get his business going. Despite the fact that I consider myself to be quite creative, I said I didn't have a clue as to how to go about that. Perhaps he should find a graphic artist.
Well, during our break in January, he went to a meet up, and low and behold, he met a graphic artist. In April, he posted a new logo on Facebook. I am fairly well versed in the artist community here, and know the part of town that she lives in. Billy LOVES modern architecture, and that is where she lives. His lease is up on July 1st, and I would not be surprised if he moved in with her.
So, here is my dilemma. Do I give miss graphic artist an anonymous heads up to proceed with caution? Yes, I know most will say to MMOB. But, I will tell you I am really conflicted about this. Yes, my friends told me throughout my relationship with Billy that he was a user. I would not listen. So she may not listen either. But, here is why I am conflicted. I did not see who my ex was. Yet, I was aware that others knew something that I did not. When he lost his first job(he was a physician), I knew something was up, but no one was talking. He could not find a job in the state we were in, so we were forced to move. Do you have any idea how easy it was for most physicians to find at job at that time? EASY. So we moved to an adjoining state. Four years later, he is fired again. NO ONE WAS TALKING. But, yet again, he could not find a job so we had to move out of state. Years later, when my ex was arrested and convicted for sexually assaulting my son, it was in the local paper. One posted comment on line stated that she was a nurse, and that she was sure other victims would be coming forward. Ugh. I now know that at the very least my ex was having affairs with patients. The fact is, I was looking for concrete proof of his affairs throughout our marriage as he always denied affairs. When I had proof, I ended the marriage. If someone had shed some light on that for me, I would not have left the place I loved to live. There is a good chance my son would not have been repeated raped by his father as he would not have been living in the same house with his father. My ex would have had to move out of state for employment, and I would be miles away raising my children. It breaks my heart that possibly because everyone minded their own business, our lives were turned upside down.
So do I give miss graphic artist a heads up? It appears she owns her very nice, very expensive, modern town home. My boss let a woman move in with him. I asked if he was letting her pay part of the mortgage. He replied,"Absolutely not! I did my research and in this state, if I took money earmarked for the mortgage, and we broke up, she could state claim to part of the house." Billy moved in with a woman(in her house) a year after his first marriage ended. When they divorced, the house was under water so he did not go after proceeds. BUT HE KNEW THERE WAS NO EQUITY.
So, if you are still with me, what would you do? What should I do? AS I stated, I have figured out a way to contact her anonymously.
I do appreciate anyone who to not only took the time to read this, but to give me some feedback.
PS
I just want to clarify that I DO NOT want this man back. This is not about him, but rather, a more than likely victim.
I recognize I cannot protect the world from him. But, in this case, I see the writing on the wall...