OMG!!! As if its not bad enough that I am an emotional wreck, going from anger, rage, sadness, grief, utter gut wrenching despair, Now I am so fixated on all the intimate details of my husbands affair (D-Day was just one month ago) I find myself sitting there imagining how they would meet up and get into her car. I keep thinking about how she performed oral sex on him and how he must've have touched her breasts. I imagine them kissing and all of the other gory details of their repeated intimate encounters. I AM OBSESSED. It is KILLING ME!!! Some days I try and keep those thoughts at bay but then there are days (most days) that I cant get those images out of my head. My obsession with the "what did they do" "how often did they do it" etc. makes me insane. I end up calling my H or texting H (I kicked him out the day I found out and he wants desperately to set me back, has NC with OW and never loved her) I text him all these crazy questions and I end up exploding and telling him "this is never going to work, I will never EVER get past this, I want a divorce!!"
I don't know how some BS know so soon that they want to work it out and try to R. I am beyond destroyed and don't know if I am coming or going!
I don't think I/we will ever make any progress when I am obsessing over these things. These very things that ruined my life. HELP ME!!!!