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sunsetslost posted 6/6/2014 19:53 PM

One week today in my new home. It's been good for the most part but strange. Kind of like the old cliche of a dog chasing a car. What's he going to do with it when he catches it?
I've been working non stop since last September to get here. It's where I belong. I know that for sure.
But now that I'm here I'm finding it hard to "get started". I'm in no hurry. I'm staying with my grandmother (an unremourseful WW so I gotta watch the way I talk about dummy so I don't upset her). We get along fine. Her husband is in a home and isn't coming back. I do chores, some yard work and stuff. I'm not imposing. She tells me everyday that she sleeps better knowing I'm here and she has somebody to talk to.

Something happened last Friday that I'm just now starting to work through. I went to the beach and I swear I saw dummy. Same body style. Same posture. Red bathing suit and beach towels from a previous vacation. Same hair. I couldn't get a look at her face though. I was freaked out. My first reaction was "No! This is MY place now!" I left, blamed it on the weather. I had to know. I'm waiting on a check for vacation payout so I had a reason to call. I didn't ask anything about where she was because I had calmed down enough to realize that it's a free country and she can go where she wants. She volunteered that she was working back in TN. I chose to believe her. A few days later I saw the same couple. It wasn't dummy after all. Stupid brain.

I blame fatigue for now. I'm May I drove more than 4500 miles, had my brother's wedding, left two jobs, said goodbye to lots of friends and family, packed up all my stuff and moved. I don't think too far into the future. One step at a time. I force myself to leave everyday and do something. I went to a movie today. Explored the last couple days. I've read three books. I went out with my uncle and his friends. I have dinner plans Sunday. I want to look into a meetup group soon. Maybe find something part time while I look into a career or further schooling.

So it's not all sunsets and beach beers. I knew it wouldn't be. I've got a ton more work to do but I am here. An it's comforting to know that whenever I need it the sunset and beach beers are 20 minutes away.

Jrazz posted 6/7/2014 01:07 AM

I'm glad you're getting settled... it's such a huge change! Sounds like the locale is ideal. I hope you're able to feel more relaxed and centered as time progresses.

devistatedmom posted 6/8/2014 16:01 PM

Dang triggers. Banish them from your new location!! Glad it wasn't her, glad you are settling in. Yes, when you work towards something for so long, it's kinda a shock when you finally have it done and can't think of what to do with your time! You will figure it out, I'm sure.