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User Topic: Dealing with a stage 5 clinger without being an a-hole
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I seem to find myself in a bit of a predicament. This past week, the staffs of our two local schools got together for drinks to celebrate the end of the school year. The director of the other center, who happens to be one of my favorite friends, is one of those people who likes to check into places and tag everybody who is there. I think that's a little silly but up to this point, I've never really seen the harm.

So to get to the point, one of the teachers from the other school friend requested me and has been pursuing me like crazy for a few days now. Apparently my phone number wasn't hidden in my profile (I could swear it was... It is now!) I'm not even remotely interested and crimson red flags have been shooting up into the air ever since she sent me the first text. Basically, this woman is right around my age and not bad looking but she seems to be totally nuts. She has two kids and has posts on her wall about actively seeking a father figure for them. Apparently, I'm it at the moment in her mind. I've been basically ignoring her texts and she keeps sending me novels. It's sort of creeping me out and I don't know what to do about it.

Everybody I've told about it has given me the same piece of advice: Tell her I'm dating someone. I could do that but I don't like to lie to people and frankly, I'm not dating anyone and probably won't be fore the foreseeable future. I've already told her that I'm not interested in dating anyone right now and that I definitely don't date people who work for the same company as I do but it didn't work.

So what do I do? I'm really not sure this rises to the level of sexual harassment because she hasn't said anything that was over that line at this point. Still, though, I'm really uncomfortable with the attention and I don't know how exactly I should handle it.

[This message edited by h0peless at 11:02 PM, June 6th (Friday)]


Posts: 1850 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Sadmumma
♀ 42192
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Thanks, I find it really flattering and you seem like a lovely woman, but I'm really not interested In Dating or expanding my friendship group right now".

Some people dont get the hint.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
LineInTheSand
♀ 20399
Member # 20399
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simple! Block her.

Posts: 502 | Registered: Jul 2008
Myname
♂ 23138
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^This^^^^^^


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
Jrazz
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being direct isn't being an a-hole, despite what our guilt reflex tells us.

Quite honestly, if someone grabbed my # off of fb (I don't think I would ever put it there in the first place ) I would tell them that their use of it made me uncomfortable.

"I'm sure you are a very nice person, but I am not interested. Please stop texting me." Anything else, and she will hear what she wants to hear and interpret it to the tune of her own delusion.

It's not an asshole move. It's the truth, and this cray cray (she IS) needs to back up.


"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron

Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16


Posts: 18682 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
absolut
♀ 37933
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's very alarming that she is contacting you when you never gave her your number.

I would hardly worry about being an asshole.

"Please stop contacting me at this number. Your constant texts are not welcome. I expect my request to be honored."

Then block her number.

She sounds mentally ill.

Telling her you don't want to date anyone or already have a gf won't do.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't even tell her she is a nice person, that just opens the door for discussion and possibly hope on her end.

But, since the possibility that you know/have/may have mutual work acquaintances, you don't want it to be completely awkward if you run into her again.

How about:
"I appreciate your interest in me, but you are not my type and I have no interest in taking this any further. Good luck in your future."

If she follows up with anything beyond "Thanks, good luck to you too." Then be very blunt, "Please stop contacting me."


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4279 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
ruinedandbroken
♀ 29250
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I appreciate your interest but I am not interesting in dating right now. Best of luck to you."

After that I wouldn't respond to her any further. If she continues I would tell her that the texting is making you uncomfortable and to please stop. Or you could just simply block her if your phone has that ability.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've already told her that you do not date people who work for the same company and that you're not interested in dating.

At this point, I'd say:
"I'm not interested. Do not contact me again."

Don't sugar-coat it, don't use words like "flattered, nice, or at this time" because she'll just see that as you playing hard to get.

Then block her.
If she persists, you may want to consider going to HR...especially before she tries to flip it on you and say you were pursuing HER.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6736 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am bad with clingers - and I cannot bring myself to be as direct with people as many here post. Unless I have no ties to the person and can make a clean break AND feel creeped out or threatened by them.

Since you already told her you don't want to date, she's not taking the hint. My reaction in situations like this is always the same - I don't tell them I'm seeing someone, but instead I ask for advice about dating. It's the ultimate friendzone move, because if you're even remotely interested in someone, you would NEVER ask their advice about someone else to date.

Of course, if you didn't want to be nice about it, "who is this?" followed up by, "I think you have the wrong number, I don't know a [name]" is pretty effective at shooting people down too.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13928 | Registered: Jul 2011
doggiediva
♀ 33806
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crickets.. and more crickets..
Sometimes when people are genuinely and certifiably CRAZY,directly responding and saying that you don't want contact with that person can buy you even more trouble and harassment..
So don't say anything at all to her...Nothing..Polite detachment when face to face..No texts in response to hers..And block her too..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1418 | Registered: Nov 2011
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so fucking creepy. Are you responding at all? Did you accept her friend request?

I'd block her ASAP and not accept friend requests unless you know the person well. I've accepted acquaintance friend requests but restricted what they could see to basically my public profile ie: no info, no pics - nothing.

If she's a nutter you'll be an arsehole no matter how kindly you put it. You need to make it crystal clear with this kind of person - any way you try to soften it will be seen as encouragement.

I wouldn't worry about the bad mouthing you'll get as I'm guessing this isn't the first time she has exhibited clinger traits. You just keep doing you.

I'm with cmego:

"I appreciate your interest in me, but you are not my type and I have no interest in taking this any further. Good luck in your future."

If she follows up with anything beyond "Thanks, good luck to you too." Then be very blunt, "Please stop contacting me."


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5733 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the others that said this is creepy. This isn't being clingy, because that implies you have some type of relationship with her. You don't. Cut off all contact - block her. If she persist, look at asking the police to talk to her. This is beyond frightening.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15340 | Registered: Jun 2006
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not responding anymore. It seemed like she was just being sociable at first and I wasn't worried that it would escalate like this. I haven't responded to anything she texted me since Thursday afternoon but she keeps trying to find a subject I'll respond to. I'm hoping crickets gets the point across. Otherwise, I'll probably just block her.

Posts: 1850 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Topic Posts: 14

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