SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

set off triggers for anyone?

From a lot of the posts many WS's used these places to start up with their A's

Does the thought of using OLD make you think of what happened or make you fear you might unknowingly become an OP?

Wondered if I am the only one who wrestles with this.

You could unknowingly become a OP regardless of where you meet someone. It is all about proceeding with caution. I don't meet anyone without a full name and a serious Google search. If they don't have many photos posted, won't give you a lot of information, won't give you a name etc: yellow/red flag.

I tell guys up front I will do a Google search on them before we meet.

Yup. All of the above, My exH didn't meet the OP I found out about on OLD but in my sleuth mode I discovered he had all sorts of memberships on Adult Friend Finder, Fuckbook Hookups etc. He was dumb enough to have me set up his email account and so of course I cracked into it and found emails from those sites that took me right to his profiles, I was sickened to read his emails to other women looking for hookups and was hit with the realization this had been going on for a very long time.

Second to that, somehow in my state of shock on my way to divorce I had joined POF. I met this guy, he seemed sweet and very very very smooth. I dated him for seven months. He seemed legit, he knew all sorts of mutual people I have known my entire life. Our relationship was getting pretty serious when he had to go to Europe to visit his family. He wanted me to go and at the last minute decided he wanted to go alone. This triggered me hard and after he was gone on his trip I snooped. I discovered he had a wife and son overseas and found all the paperwork he was completing to bring them to Canada! I was physically sick when I found out. I literally threw up all night, thats how hard the emotions hit!

So in answer to your question, yes OLD is trigger city for me. My problem is its really hard to meet single men where I live, compounded by the fact I don't drink or party (bars are out) OLD seems my only option. I had joined e harmony but just caught a scammer trying to con me and reported him. They removed his profile, and I removed mine. Not sure if or when I will go back. It seems to bring up too many headaches for me.

Burnedcanuckems,

My heart goes out to you..you sure do have a lot of reasons to trigger with OLD.

You are so young yet & things will turn in your favor very quickly.

Don't date for awhile but instead go out with friends as a group where you can watch and observe people, learn about them before you even accept that first date.

Why I bet the guys are just getting in line right now for a chance to meet you...you just don't see it yet.

You'll be just fine from now on.

At the beginning, I had triggers with OLD. It didn't last long.

But after I pushed myself a little, it's actually been good for self esteem. I did it slowly, in small steps, as I do everything.

I can't let him ruin everything.

One thing for triggers that helped me immensely, is kind of like going to get a shot or blood test. I always plan a very small reward for a difficult thing I have to do and when I am preparing for the event, I think only of the reward. It diminishes the hard part.

When I'm on the other side, for that reward, I do one tiny thing that's whatever the heck I want. It's amazing how much it's helped.

This has gotten me through some major life events all alone.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 11:41 AM, June 8th (Sunday)]