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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: I just want the madness to stop
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For real.

I don't give a shit what he does, who he does, or where he does it anymore. I haven't for a long time. I am perfectly content in my life as long as I do not have to deal with him.

And typically, I don't have to deal with him. But Friday marked the last day of school... Which is where we had the majority of kid exchanges happening. I didn't need to arrange for anything. It was all set and I didn't even have to set my eyes on him. Win!

Not anymore, and I have no desire to deal with his ridiculous NPD demands. I just don't.

He is apparently going out of town tomorrow. He has asked (re: TOLD) me to pick up my son at 9am. I cannot.. The reason isn't important enough to tell him, but I have to take my other daughter to the airport.

So his answer is that I can call his whore and make arrangements thru her to get my child since she will be in charge of him when the doosh leaves. Uh, hell no.

This is a problem waiting to happen. He is doing this to bait me, and it's not going to work. I am just so over his stupid ass games. He refused to work out a mutually agreeable time. He thinks he just gets to decide and that is it? And that he can leave my child with her?? FTG.

So over this tonight. I don't respond to his 8 paragraph emails that are full of blame and projection because I do not need to defend myself, but that just makes him write even larger ones- and cc my attorney. Sigh.

So tired of this. I want off the ride. I don't know how to respond to his ridiculous bullshit emails without my response turning into an 8 paragraph rebuttal. If I wasn't so tired of this it would be comical....


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((PurpleRose)))

must be something in the air tonight. Someone missed their regularly scheduled run of dust-cropping us with anti-bullshit spray.

I'm sorry he's being such a PITA. How old is your son? Can he be alone for awhile?


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for posting this. He is baiting you, and it helped me to realize the same is being done to me.


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2391 | Registered: Jan 2012
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's ccing your attorney?

That's funny. Do yourself a favor and instruct your attorney that their not to read/file/charge you for anything HE sends them. If it comes from his attorney - fine.

He is baiting you, how will your son get back from his parenting time?


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5746 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, he cc's my attorney even though I have repeatedly told him to stop. Yeah, he does what he wants. I guess he thinks he is tattling on me? All his emails do is reinforce my attorney's belief that he is a complete Doosh. Recently she actually began an email to me with "Does everything always have to be difficult with him?" And the very next one was "That Doosh, being ridiculous again!" (Except she used his first name, not my moniker.)

My son is 10. He could be left alone, I suppose, but due to a restraining order I refuse to go to the doosh's house. Ever.

And now I have no idea how to get my son back tomorrow. And I'm just tired. So tired of the drama from this ass. I do not understand why everything has to be so difficult with him! Everyone thinks he is just the biggest moron.

I really don't know what to do. I asked him to meet me tonight. That's what any reasonable person would do-- but he refused. He actually said "that is not one of the options- sorry"

So according to him, my options are 9am at the court ordered parking lot, or I can call the whore and make arrangements with her to get my kid tomorrow evening or Monday. And then he gave me her phone number.

As. If.

I just can't deal with the absolute disregard for anyone but him any more. I just can't.

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 10:35 PM, June 7th (Saturday)]


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Angeles85
♀ 42107
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really sorry Purple...I really admire u and all those BS with kids dealing with infidelity/divorce, CS, visitations,etc etc. I don't think I could handle it. You guys are great and very brave. (((purple)))

Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
peridot
♀ 18334
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would be tempted to show up at the time and place you are supposed to pick him up and when neither of them show up, call the police to report him kidnapped. You have a restraining order and you can not break it. How do you know he won't be at her house waiting for you to show up?


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4801 | Registered: Feb 2008
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((PR))))) Honey, I'm honestly surprised he waited this long to start his bullshit up full-force. He's probably been plotting for MONTHS how he's finally going to be able to TEACH YOU A LESSON! He'll show you!

Plot twist - Doosh is still a doosh. I'm so very sorry.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26546 | Registered: Aug 2011
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. I want this madness to stop for you and your DS. What does your parenting plan state?


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2340 | Registered: Oct 2012
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pick up is Sunday night, 6pm.

He cannot make that work, so now he is informing me that I can pick up at 9am Sunday, or deal with the OW to get my son back.

Those "options" don't work for me so I suggested an alternative. He refused and said "that is not one of the options" like he is the Chief of the Universe and I am supposed to bow to the all-knowing Oz. Who died and made him boss?


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
peridot
♀ 18334
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my XH played this game with the visitation, I simply told him that if he isn't there at the time and place he is supposed to be, then I would file kidnapping charges and have him arrested. He knew I would do just that and he always had them there when he was supposed to. He tested me one time and never did it again.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4801 | Registered: Feb 2008
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pick up is at 6:00 on Sunday and does the parenting plan specify who does the handing off of child? If it says it has to be him, then you can point that out to him. If it says agreed upon person, then maybe you both could list alternatives and choose one.

So if you don't pick up son at 9:00 in the morning, then DS will be with OW until 6:00? Has DS had to stay with OW by himself in the past?

I am so sorry that he is playing these games with you. Especially at the expense of the child. I hope you are able to figure out a solution soon. Thinking of you, PR!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2340 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:08 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my XH played this game with the visitation, I simply told him that if he isn't there at the time and place he is supposed to be, then I would file kidnapping charges and have him arrested. He knew I would do just that and he always had them there when he was supposed to. He tested me one time and never did it again.

I'm curious, can you do this if the kid is at the appointed time/place with OW?
PR, the way I see it you have 2 options. Arrange for someone else to pick him at 9am or someone else to drive your DD to the airport.

Either has to be better than him staying with OW 9am-6pm. He can't refuse you nominating another given he is insisting on nominating another. He can but it's a harder position for him.

I have been in the opposite position to you.

The sad clown and I had a stoush over a rare change request by me. I had a work event to attend and asked if he would pick the girls up from school/daycare that day and swap for another day. He said he couldn't but could pick them up from me at my place at 7pm. I said his FRR was to pick them up from school/daycare not 7pm as it was too late for my plans and I refused to be forced to see him. He was saying I would have to be late to my event. I refused and said he could not decline FRR AND veto me arranging other care. If he chose not to accept I would make other arrangements. He said he would show up with the cops at 7pm because I was breaching our FRR agreement.

I ignored the threat, made other care arrangements and from what I understand he tried to get the police involved but they told him I was right.

Most agreements don't have a clause for situations such as this. Anyone currently setting their agreements should take heed. Remember it works both ways and you can't have it so watertight that either party can decline AND veto other arrangements. Unless a no-AP/SO/partner clause is specifically stated.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5735 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would be tempted to show up at the time and place you are supposed to pick him up and when neither of them show up, call the police to report him kidnapped. You have a restraining order and you can not break it. How do you know he won't be at her house waiting for you to show up?

I agree with Peridot. You have an agreement in place. Douche is asking you a favor by requesting DS be picked up early. This does not work with your schedule and you are not obliged to change it. It is his parenting time so it is the Douche's responsibility to get DS to the appointed pickup.

Making exceptions just feeds their belief that they control everything. Good luck.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 2101 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went ahead and let him "win" this one because I truly don't care. I texted him his morning and said I could be there a little past 9:00.

Are you all sitting down?

Of course, that no longer worked for the Doosh! Ha! Of-fucking-course! Now that I can do it, he cannot. He wrote to the attorneys his morning and says "I am trying to accommodate you here, but you texted me 45 minutes before the time I gave you and it doesn't work now."

Good Lord.

So he picked a new place and a new time.. I texted back "ok"

And he sends this gem to both attorneys-- "Let the record show that PR has agreed to this exchange with her reply of OK."

Is he in a court of law? Did he get a law degree in the past few weeks?? What a joke. He then texted me 30 minutes prior to say they might be 10 minutes late.

This guy, for reals.

When I arrived they were already there so I didn't have to wait. Just glad DS is home.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope that douche ends up with attorney fees. I mean, give me a break.


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
thebighurt
♀ 34722
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry for everyone dealing with these situations with such pieces of sh!t waywards. It almost makes me glad I put up with the abuse so long that there were none of these issues left between us. He's created enough as it is.

I do think, after he made such a deal of sending everything to both Ls, I would forward the one saying he would be late to both of them, just to complete the records on this. They should know "the rest of the story", too.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2588 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad your son is home with you. It just INFURIATES me that you had to go through this unnecessary mind-fuckery. It's examples like these that make me feel grateful that my kids are older.

And what the fuck is with the "let the record show .."? He's watched too much Law and Order or Judge Judy.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2340 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a problem waiting to happen. He is doing this to bait me, and it's not going to work. I am just so over his stupid ass games. He refused to work out a mutually agreeable time. He thinks he just gets to decide and that is it? And that he can leave my child with her?? FTG.

I've learned that the sad clown won't do anything he doesn't HAVE to do. No matter how accommodating I am.

The way around this is to expect this behaviour and choose the hills you will die on.

Expect that he will change pickups to earlier times and if you don't accept he will try to leave DS with OW - he won't work out a mutually agreeable time unless you force him to legally. Unless you can force him to legally he won't do it.

Work around it and you'll save yourself getting into unwinnable situations like this.

TBH if the sad clown refused a pickup time and agreed 45m earlier I would also refuse if I had made other plans. Whether or not the douche did make other plans is irrelevant - you have to assume he did.

What takes the sting out it for me is telling myself he MAY have a semi valid reason. He's not a parent like me who works my life around my kids vs the other way around. He works his kids around his life.

I also remind myself that me accepting his changes without a stoush doesn't float his boat or make him feel like he wins - it's me refusing and being painted into a corner like this that gets him frothing at the mouth.

I know it sucks and I know it feels like he's playing you but changing your perspective will take the win/lose aspect out of this for you.

It is what it is. Expecting things to be different just leads to frustration and disappointment.

Please know I know this shit isn't easy. I am as outraged as you are. Vent away absolutely but in terms of getting into stoushes with him you are better off only getting into battles you KNOW you can win. That way you reduce contact/conflict for yourself and he doesn't get a hit of 'win' like he did on this issue.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5735 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear ya SBB, and I totally agree. I would never have agreed to all the whack a do bullshit this morning if I hadn't talked to my son and heard the sadness in his voice at the possibility of his dad leaving him with the whore.

No fucking WAY was I going to allow them to force my kid into the middle of their disgusting game. No fucking way.

So I did what I had to do and brought my boy home. Although I did say I let the Dooosh win today - the "W" is only in his muppet head. The real winner was DS because he didn't have to endure the torture of staying with the chicken plucker. He got to come home, spend time with his family, and have fun at the Xgames. :)


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Topic Posts: 20

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