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Newest Member: Sunflower96

New Beginnings :
Time moves on.

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 Amazonia (original poster member #32810) posted at 2:41 PM on Sunday, June 8th, 2014

Three years and a couple of months ago, my ex husband and I got in a fight on a Thursday night, and he walked out, without really explaining why. That first night I cried. Saturday we had a wedding to go to together, with six other couples from our church - his friends more than mine, since I'd just moved to town a few months earlier when we got married.

My friend A texted me to confirm we would still carpool with them. I texted to ask if he wanted to go. He said no. I couldn't just sit home all night Saturday with my thoughts, so I made an excuse for him and went alone.

At that wedding, I broke down to another friend, K, told her he'd walked out, told her I was terrified, told her I didn't know what to do. K is ten years older than me and was close to ten years into marriage. She told me it would be okay, assured me the first year is always hard, but that we would get through it. And then we drank together, bottle after bottle of wine from the open bar.

The bride and groom gave all the children a little box of toys, including a small stuffed bear. They also had those little disposable windup cameras on each table. Another friend of ours (T) had her son's bear sitting on the table, and, drunk and emotionally exhausted, K and I took it upon ourselves to take the most ridiculous, mildly offensive pictures of the bear we could. He smoked, he looked down a busty friend's dress, he drank, he passed out on an empty bottle, he went into the men's bathroom and used the urinal courtesy of K's husband.

That was the night I sat on the corner of the dance floor and cried, pretending the bride couldn't see me. It was the night I passed out in K's husband's car as they drove me home. It was the night I felt like my whole world was falling apart. It was the night before I found out my ex was cheating on me.

When we left, me almost too drunk to walk, K's husband half carried me to their car and K fed me macadamia chocolates that she found in the back seat from her recent trip to Hawaii. We left the disposable camera on the table, and the bear went home with T, the mama whose child he belonged to. Weeks later the bride and groom thanked us all for the photos, saying they'd gotten a good laugh out of it all. Months after that, the bride found out I was by then divorced and finally asked why I'd been such a mess at her wedding, and apologized profusely for things that were never her fault.

Today T posted a picture of that bear drinking coffee on facebook and tagged everyone from our table at that wedding, made a witty comment about how he needed coffee to drink off his hangover, naughty bear.

And I laughed when I saw it. My mind flooded back to those pictures, to the laughter that night, which, while masking obvious pain and often interrupted with tears even as I was snapping pictures, was still real. My mind went back to the good part of that night, not the bad part.

I even commented, 'What an epic night!' and then stopped to think how incredibly awkward it should all feel for me, so I edited my comment to add that I consider it personal growth that I feel that way.

Time moves on. Wounds heal. Pain fades. The good is stronger than the bad. Laughter is a stronger memory than tears. And I am content with where I am.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6828837
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Myname ( member #23138) posted at 3:07 PM on Sunday, June 8th, 2014

Great post. Very well written too.

You really have come so far.

DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 45
12-08-10: S
Divorced and moved on with my life.

posts: 4060   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2009   ·   location: Inside your computer.
id 6828860
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fraeuken ( member #30742) posted at 6:05 PM on Sunday, June 8th, 2014

Very nice post. I have a different story, but this is my outcome as well:

Time moves on. Wounds heal. Pain fades. The good is stronger than the bad. Laughter is a stronger memory than tears. And I am content with where I am.

Happiness to you.

Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

posts: 1334   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6828962
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FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 6:15 PM on Sunday, June 8th, 2014

*like*

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21594   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 6828972
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Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 6:30 PM on Sunday, June 8th, 2014

Nice!

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

posts: 9299   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2009   ·   location: Western PA
id 6828980
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heartbroken_kk ( member #22722) posted at 6:30 PM on Sunday, June 8th, 2014

Thanks for sharing Amazonia!

I also second that you are a very good writer.

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 6828982
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Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 6:40 PM on Sunday, June 8th, 2014

You've come far--and gone far--and you're an amazingly put-together person for such a young kid

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

posts: 25351   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: Arizona
id 6828999
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ProbableIceCream ( member #37468) posted at 11:09 PM on Sunday, June 8th, 2014

That is fantastic!

posts: 881   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012
id 6829174
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InnerLight ( member #19946) posted at 3:47 AM on Monday, June 9th, 2014

A beautiful story. The end of a marriage is not the end of the world or of you. It's great you had caring friends.

BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

posts: 6688   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2008   ·   location: Rural California
id 6829368
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norabird ( member #42092) posted at 3:24 PM on Monday, June 9th, 2014

How wonderful.

Sit. Feast on your life.

posts: 4324   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2014   ·   location: NYC
id 6829632
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better4me ( member #30341) posted at 3:37 PM on Monday, June 9th, 2014

Epic night. Epic story.

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:58
Happily remarried!

posts: 4246   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: Missouri
id 6829647
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cmego ( member #30346) posted at 4:51 PM on Monday, June 9th, 2014

Beautifully written, Ama. Time does heal

me...BS, 46 years old.
Divorced

posts: 4745   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2010   ·   location: South
id 6829719
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gahurts ( member #33699) posted at 8:22 PM on Monday, June 9th, 2014

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

posts: 3991   ·   registered: Oct. 22nd, 2011   ·   location: Georgia
id 6829959
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imwideawake ( member #23386) posted at 8:56 PM on Monday, June 9th, 2014

Friggin awesome!!

Together 21 years.
Married 19
Me: BW
Him XWH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now grown
Divorced 12/04/12

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2009   ·   location: currently in school getting my degree
id 6830021
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tesla ( member #34697) posted at 3:18 PM on Tuesday, June 10th, 2014

I love this story.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

posts: 5066   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012
id 6830767
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marlie2014 ( member #40981) posted at 3:19 PM on Tuesday, June 10th, 2014

Thank you, I loved this story, too.

Married: 9 years
1 stepchild
DDay: 9/2/2013
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

posts: 225   ·   registered: Oct. 14th, 2013
id 6830771
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getnbtr1 ( member #40540) posted at 3:25 PM on Tuesday, June 10th, 2014

Nice post. And, um, is it bad that I want to see some of those photos? lol

posts: 148   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2013   ·   location: CT
id 6830780
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