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Newest Member: Thankful (46008)

User Topic: Time moves on.
Amazonia
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Three years and a couple of months ago, my ex husband and I got in a fight on a Thursday night, and he walked out, without really explaining why. That first night I cried. Saturday we had a wedding to go to together, with six other couples from our church - his friends more than mine, since I'd just moved to town a few months earlier when we got married.

My friend A texted me to confirm we would still carpool with them. I texted to ask if he wanted to go. He said no. I couldn't just sit home all night Saturday with my thoughts, so I made an excuse for him and went alone.

At that wedding, I broke down to another friend, K, told her he'd walked out, told her I was terrified, told her I didn't know what to do. K is ten years older than me and was close to ten years into marriage. She told me it would be okay, assured me the first year is always hard, but that we would get through it. And then we drank together, bottle after bottle of wine from the open bar.

The bride and groom gave all the children a little box of toys, including a small stuffed bear. They also had those little disposable windup cameras on each table. Another friend of ours (T) had her son's bear sitting on the table, and, drunk and emotionally exhausted, K and I took it upon ourselves to take the most ridiculous, mildly offensive pictures of the bear we could. He smoked, he looked down a busty friend's dress, he drank, he passed out on an empty bottle, he went into the men's bathroom and used the urinal courtesy of K's husband.

That was the night I sat on the corner of the dance floor and cried, pretending the bride couldn't see me. It was the night I passed out in K's husband's car as they drove me home. It was the night I felt like my whole world was falling apart. It was the night before I found out my ex was cheating on me.

When we left, me almost too drunk to walk, K's husband half carried me to their car and K fed me macadamia chocolates that she found in the back seat from her recent trip to Hawaii. We left the disposable camera on the table, and the bear went home with T, the mama whose child he belonged to. Weeks later the bride and groom thanked us all for the photos, saying they'd gotten a good laugh out of it all. Months after that, the bride found out I was by then divorced and finally asked why I'd been such a mess at her wedding, and apologized profusely for things that were never her fault.

Today T posted a picture of that bear drinking coffee on facebook and tagged everyone from our table at that wedding, made a witty comment about how he needed coffee to drink off his hangover, naughty bear.

And I laughed when I saw it. My mind flooded back to those pictures, to the laughter that night, which, while masking obvious pain and often interrupted with tears even as I was snapping pictures, was still real. My mind went back to the good part of that night, not the bad part.

I even commented, 'What an epic night!' and then stopped to think how incredibly awkward it should all feel for me, so I edited my comment to add that I consider it personal growth that I feel that way.

Time moves on. Wounds heal. Pain fades. The good is stronger than the bad. Laughter is a stronger memory than tears. And I am content with where I am.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13925 | Registered: Jul 2011
Myname
♂ 23138
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post. Very well written too.

You really have come so far.


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
fraeuken
♀ 30742
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very nice post. I have a different story, but this is my outcome as well:

Time moves on. Wounds heal. Pain fades. The good is stronger than the bad. Laughter is a stronger memory than tears. And I am content with where I am.

Happiness to you.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*like*


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17787 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice!


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7862 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
heartbroken_kk
♀ 22722
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing Amazonia!

I also second that you are a very good writer.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1252 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've come far--and gone far--and you're an amazingly put-together person for such a young kid


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20544 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
ProbableIceCream
♂ 37468
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is fantastic!


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 848 | Registered: Nov 2012
InnerLight
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A beautiful story. The end of a marriage is not the end of the world or of you. It's great you had caring friends.


BS, now age 54, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years M and 20 together. In some ways I have not 'gotten over it'. But I am resilient and have created a good life where I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5939 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How wonderful.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4232 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Epic night. Epic story.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3264 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautifully written, Ama. Time does heal


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4279 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
gahurts
♂ 33699
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3516 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
imwideawake
♀ 23386
Member # 23386
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Friggin awesome!!


Together 21 years.
Married 19
Me: BW, now 45
Him XWH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now 20, 19, & 16
Divorced 12/04/12

Posts: 917 | Registered: Mar 2009
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love this story.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4819 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
marlie2014
♀ 40981
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, I loved this story, too.


BS: 34
WS: 36 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
2 OC, one 6 yrs old and the other a few months (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
getnbtr1
♀ 40540
Member # 40540
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice post. And, um, is it bad that I want to see some of those photos? lol

Posts: 99 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: CT
Topic Posts: 17

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