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Fwb went horribly wrong - just need hugs

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FirstLoveGone posted 6/8/2014 19:43 PM

I feel the need to,post this so it doesn't fester inside. . .

I have a college friend with whom I had a very infrequent FWB situation over the past three years. It's been quite some time since our last visit with each other. He has always been a good friend. This weekend I had the opportunity to see him.

I don't need to go into the details, but last night he left me feeling needy, confused, and shameful. He also was quite rough sexually, which was a bit scary. This is not the person I used to know.

After leaving his place this morning I met up with friends (which already been planned). Husbands and kids came along too. Of course, I was the only single one. I managed to fake it through the afternoon. Even though I was with close friends and laughing and conversing, I felt so utterly alone inside.

I left this evening for the two hour ride home and cried the whole way to my house. As soon as I got home I defriended my FWB from Facebook and deleted his contact info from my phone.

I am sitting here with my two wonderful kitties, trying to forget the awfulness of last night with mindless reality TV.

Thanks for listening.

Williesmom posted 6/8/2014 19:49 PM


I'm so sorry that this happened. Did he say anything while it was happening? That is weird.

I truly know the feeling of faking it to get through, and have cried during the drive home many times.

Take some time, and be kind to yourself.

FirstLoveGone posted 6/8/2014 20:11 PM

Thanks for posting Williesmom.

It was weird the entire night. He was giving me mixed signals. We would start to be intimate and then he would abruptly stop. I would then initiate and he would get really aggressive sexually. He was always a bit rough, but tempered it with being sweet as well. Last night was a whole different story. It was like he wanted to hurt me while having sex. He also took the "dirty talk" to a really vulgar level.

He actually called me "needy." I think it was because I asked him to be less rough and "go slow." Or maybe because I was being gentle while initiating. Or maybe because I was initiating at all.

I never want to see or speak to him again. The saddest part is that he used to be a kind and sweet guy. I have no idea who I was with last night.

persevere posted 6/8/2014 20:14 PM

I'm so sorry that happened. NC sounds like the right decision. WM is right - be kind to yourself.

Williesmom posted 6/8/2014 20:30 PM

Clearly, he was trying to push you away in a very passive aggressive fashion. That sounds awful.

You deserve so much more than that.

PurpleRose posted 6/8/2014 20:33 PM

What a prick. I am glad you've deleted his info, and hope he leaves you alone. :(

I'm sorry you are dealing with the emotional fallout from such a horrible experience. Take care of yourself and be kind to YOU.

nowiknow23 posted 6/8/2014 21:24 PM


InnerLight posted 6/8/2014 21:34 PM

I am so sorry to hear you had this experience. He sounds like he totally sexually disrespected you. How awful! This is despicable behavior. And then have to fake it through the social time. I know how horrible that is. Sending you loads of hugs.

courageous posted 6/8/2014 21:57 PM

How horrible for you! I'm sorry you had to go through that. You deserve a lot better than him.


FirstLoveGone posted 6/8/2014 22:07 PM

Thank you so much for the support. I really appreciate it.

I am trying to be gentle with myself. But of course I am utterly flabbergasted as to how my life has tuned out. How in the hell did i end up like this? I feel humiliated and traumatized all over again.

I feel like crawling in a hole and never coming out again. Of course I can't do that - my DD comes home tomorrow after spending this weekend with my ex.

My faith in love and now friendship is nil. My faith in family is nil as well - i have a strained relationship with my parents. I feel so alone tonight.

PhoenixRisen posted 6/8/2014 22:41 PM

Don't feel humiliated.
You did nothing wrong.
He treated you badly. That is on him, not you.
You did the right thing to cut off the relationship.
You have acted with strength.

Jrazz posted 6/8/2014 22:48 PM


burnedcanuckEMS posted 6/8/2014 23:29 PM

(((FLG))) so sorry this happened to you, he is no friend if he is behaving like that! You didn't do anything wrong!
Personally I have learned I cannot do FWB. It always gets complicated somehow and I always want more of an intimate connection. I would rather have a ONS with a total stranger or just totally go without... like I have since my last relationship blew up over a year ago.
Take care, I am glad you defriended thisnjerk!

absolut posted 6/9/2014 00:21 AM


Block his means of contacting you. It will be just a little easier to move on that way. Take care of yourself. You did nothing wrong.

heartbroken_kk posted 6/9/2014 00:26 AM

Sending hugs. What a jerk.


risingfromashes posted 6/9/2014 06:32 AM


little turtle posted 6/9/2014 07:44 AM


What a jerk. I'm glad you removed him from your life. I hope he stays gone.

Kajem posted 6/9/2014 08:03 AM


Hoping today is a bit better. Sending love.


FirstLoveGone posted 6/9/2014 08:25 AM

I feel better after getting a good night's sleep. And reading all your posts this morning has helped me so much.

The shock of what happened the other night is slowly dissipating. Work will keep me distracted today and my DD is coming home so that will help with moving on.

With a clearer head I am now a bit concerned about STIs. He managed to convince me to not use protection. And although he stated he had been tested and was in the clear, I still feel so stupid for being so easily convinced. I definitely need to get tested now. I obviously cannot trust him.

I am kicking myself for being so god damn stupid.

wildbananas posted 6/9/2014 08:26 AM


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