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beenstruggling posted 6/9/2014 08:09 AM

Four months after Dday and a hell of a roller coaster of emotions I am currently 5 weeks into a separation. My WH and I kept it casual in the sense of there's isn't a no contact rule (between us) and I have been struggling to keep him at an arm's length. I'm currently living with a friend. I've tried keeping busy with my friends and family but it's tough not to meet him or keep my distance. I don't initiate contact he does but he still has this power over me and I can't seem to say no. Any advice on how to make it clear this separation is serious and to fight my urges to see him?

Gemini71 posted 6/9/2014 08:19 AM

Your best bet is the 180 and NC except for finances. No more keeping it casual when you are really serious.

Thinkingtoomuch posted 6/9/2014 10:56 AM

Did you read the Healing Library? In FAQ's the 180 is explained in great detail and offers all the ways to do 180. Doesn't have to be perfect, but you'll learn and feel better about it.

I printed out the list and kept it around for me to see often for quite a while. It really helped for me to get stronger and get thru the pain too.

I still have that list and glance at it once in a great while. It actually helps with everyday aftereffects of the A (self esteem issues) that help me with other issues and people: self respect, personal growth, and how to notice boundary issues right away.

Thinkingtoomuch posted 6/9/2014 11:05 AM

By the way, beenstruggling,

The 180 keeps you from being sucked into the ws verbal mental hoovering to sideswipe you with blameshifting that ws may do in the blink of an eye after boohooing or loveydoveying you. Any conversation in and of itself can rapidly turn into this within moments.

That's why NC in every form works everytime. NC = no new pain.