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NikkiD posted 6/9/2014 11:08 AM

I was in the back for a while, and now I am in the middle. Some days I am indifferent other days, I am mad. Today is one of those days.

This man has been living with this woman since January. When my childern see him, its at her house with them. They go on picnics, to play mini golf....outtings families do.

Why won't he just get a divorce? I dont have the money because I have bills to pay. He essentially doesnt. If he wants to be with her, as he is always with her....why doesnt he file? He is the one who said he would chose her 90% of the time. Ok, so why not officially choose her? I don't to spend another dime regarding him.

I still wonder why he married me in the first place, when he could have very well married her, or neither of us for that matter?

UGH! Not a good day.

Angeles85 posted 6/9/2014 11:25 AM

Sorry Nikki

Sad in AZ posted 6/9/2014 13:09 PM

Why don't you file? See an attorney and find out if a default divorce is possible in your jurisdiction. Push him off the fence.

NikkiD posted 6/9/2014 13:28 PM

I don't have the money to file right now.

KeepOnMovin posted 6/9/2014 13:29 PM

I agree with AZ. Consult with an attorney and file yourself. Get a temporary support order in place and let WH pay some of the bills. Take your power back. You will feel better.

Kajem posted 6/9/2014 14:27 PM

In some states you can file AND you can petition the court to award him the lawyers fees. I'd ask about that. He's been gone 5 years, living with someone else - he obviously doesn't want to be married. And you can't afford a divorce. File let him foot the bill.


josie11 posted 6/9/2014 14:34 PM

Depending on where you live, some/all of these can be had for the asking in a divorce petition:

- temporary child support paid by respondent
- temporary spousal support paid by respondent
- exclusive use of the home (you can change the locks)
- financial restraining order (neither of you can change retirement/investment accounts or insurance policies)
- actual restraining order
- legal fees must be paid by respondent

And more! You only have to ask (put it in the petition). If a family court official signs it, it is law.

MinorBee posted 6/9/2014 15:34 PM

Why doesn't he file for divorce?

My guess is...although he likes living with the OW, he doesn't want to feel pressured to marry her.

"I'm still legally married to bitchy NikkiD" is a convenient excuse for him not to make a commitment to her without looking like a I'm-just-using-you-as-a-flop-house-and-walking-sex-toy jerk.

You have no idea what he may saying to her about his martial status and it's not likely that she will elicit sympathy from anyone in her life when she complains about the fact that her married boyfriend won't marry her, so she'll keep quiet and keep hoping...which is probably how he likes it.

StillLivin posted 6/10/2014 11:53 AM

I was in much the same boat as you.
We had court paperwork that he was supposed to file, but it never occurred to me or my L to put in an end date.
Everytime I brought it up he said he didn't have the money, but he could afford to clothe and house his mistress (she didn't work).
I finally had to bit the bullet and pay for D myself. It took me about 8 months to save up the deposit. He has dragged the D on as well, so I've had to keep pouring money in.
I suggest looking in to see if there is free legal aid somewhere in your county. They can assist in filing the paperwork pro se. In the meantime, save those pennies. Turn in cans and bottles, and pinch pennies where you can.
Don't even try and make sense of what he is doing and not doing. It's senseless and you will end up driving yourself batshit crazy. Personally, it's my opinion that they delude themselves that 1) if they don't file for D that they can somehow come back home one day when they are done playing house with the HO, and 2) they can always blame us when Ho starts putting pressure on them to marry them. "I can't marry you because NikkiD won't ever let me go."
I am in a covenant M so my STBX literally cannot D me. He used this excuse with Shrek until I filed and had him served in front of her at their lurrrve nest!
Just do you and keep moving forward.

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