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Xnpdbf and my Dd and Gd.

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BelleStar posted 6/9/2014 11:32 AM

Not sure where to post this. It has been over a year since I officially left WBF. I have my own place now and my DD and GD (5yrs old) live with me.

I have been moving out into the dating world but I am having difficulty with my XBF still wanting to be a part of my GD's life. Constant gift giving, wants her to come visit her "papa". He is no blood relation, but is the only Grand father she has known as I was with him over 10years.

XWBF is NPD and thrives on the attention he gets from GD and often uses lame excuses to come over to the house. He showed up on Saturday with a puppy from his litter (last one) even though my daughter and I had said NO! we already have a dog. He left it for GD to play with for the day. I made GD take it outside to play as it was loaded with fleas. My DD then rips into XWBF that they are no relation to him and that he didnt respect her as the mother of GD an goes behind her back and gives GD things without running it past her first. She then told him that he was a bad influence on her daughter and she didnt want him around her.

Well XWBF got all huffy and pissed off that she "spoke to him like that" and left mad as hell.

My DD was right in everything she said to him and I wish I could have told him what I really think of him, but I still have 2 horses Im trying to sell at his I feel I must play nice for now.

But what about GD? She loves her papa and he has never ever been mean to her and he is very good with her...Im torn as I really should end her relationship with him as there could be someone in my life someday that will be her Papa by marriage....long way off but its possible.

Having him out of my life and daughters life is a good thing but how do I get a 5 yr old to understand? Infidelity fallout when you least expect it, Sigh!

cvs2kkids posted 6/9/2014 12:39 PM

So, in other words..

He doesn't respect your boundaries...

Uses GD to feed his NPD...

Brings over a fleas infested puppy.. signs of animal abuse.

Is a WBF who can't get over himself...

Can you remind me again why he's a good influence?

It's in her best interest to end this relationship now. I can forsee big trouble down the road as she gets older and less likely to feed him ego bits

Sad in AZ posted 6/9/2014 13:04 PM

Everything cvs2kkids said. How are you going to feel if she starts mimicing his behavior?

Let him become a fond memory for her.

BelleStar posted 6/9/2014 13:25 PM

Thank you for the replies. I will try to prevent him from coming over and she will just have to stop missing him. It's sad as GD's own father has nothing to with her and he was the only male in her life until her "papa".

It is so very true that he isnt a good influence on her as in my opinion he is an animal hoarder and does just enough to get buy with caring for all his animals. That was one of the reasons I left him...he wouldnt take proper care of them and he just kept adding more animals on expecting me to care for them all...I know Im not that old (58) but working fulltime, commuting 1.5 hours one way to and from work and then trying to take care of 27 horses, 32 goats, 4 hogs, 17 dogs and take of the house was just impossible for me. Maybe someone younger could do it but not me.

BLEH! Oh and I forgot about the 32 chickens and 4 guinea hens and the calfs.....

[This message edited by BelleStar at 1:26 PM, June 9th (Monday)]

sparkysable posted 6/9/2014 15:00 PM

Maybe I'm paranoid, but I would be awfully suspicious about male attention paid to a little girl by a non-relative.

I think it's best to cut all contact.

Kajem posted 6/9/2014 15:37 PM

The thing about growing up with NPD adults in her life. She'll think NPD is normal and be comfortable around other NPD people. She may even marry a NPD guy... And start the cycle all over again.

It would be better if his contact with her was severely limited or completely cut.

Hope this helps, hugs,

MCGar posted 6/11/2014 12:02 PM

If you have horses on his property, please find another place for them. Board them somewhere or see if there is anyone willing to foster them for a limited time.

If he barely keeps up with all his animals, then when you aren't there to keep an eye on things your horses could be neglected

BelleStar posted 6/12/2014 11:02 AM

Yes I only have 2 left on his property. Probably going to sell them. I have to keep an eye on them to make sure they are treated well.

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