It's not like I plan to do it, it just comes out. I want better boundaries, but I have no idea how? It seems like dday broke something inside me. Once I realise I'm oversharing, I can stop, but in the moment, usually when feeling hurt/scared, it just seems to happen. I don't like it. I want to change. I need help, but have no way to go to a counsellor.
[This message edited by Softcentre at 3:24 PM, June 9th, 2014 (Monday)]
Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning
We were asked to introduce ourselves and tell a little about ourselves. I went first and expressed that I has recently moved due to separation from my H because I didn't like his girlfriend She meant we should relay some professional information about ourselves It didn't hurt me in anyway, though.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Anyways, they say awareness is the first step towards change so now that you notice yourself doing it, it will probably slowly stop being an issue.
I don't do it near as much as I did in the beginning, so time has helped. In the beginning of it all I think I was just mostly in shock....hurt and confused and just trying to figure out what the hell had happened.
As time has passed I noticed that I'm more prone to over share when I'm emotional because the idiot has increased his level of stupid and has either hurt me or our kids in the process, or he has pissed me off again. So now when that happens and I have to be around other people I repeat to myself that I WILL keep my mouth shut, and my problems to myself, over and over again. Most of the time that helps.
Maybe you are trying to show yourself this way, to connect. Or to "apologize."
You have to forgive yourself, you did the best you could with what information you had at the time. I decided from that day forward I am not talking about it today, took one day at a time.
It was hard in the beginning but got easier. I now only talk about it here or if someone is asking directly or for advice and it would help to talk about I have been through.
What happened to me and our children was horrible but I am not going to let it define who I am.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
I have always held emotions and that kind of thing close to the vest, so for me, sharing openly is probably a good thing. Sure, there have been times, when i think that i should not have said what i said. But, i am no longer embarrassed about my marriage falling apart, and that i was betrayed. usually, i feel better after sharing.
Oh yeah...oversharing quite a bit as well.
But for me it's been a good swing. I used to not share anything. Ever. Felt I had to be strong and deal with my own problems so I could be there to help others. Nobody ever knew who I really was.
I used to be like Tesla. Nobody knew a thing about me. I started weekly visits with my shrink after my suicide attempt, and the floodgates have swung wide. It's actually quite a relief to not be hiding everything.
If you think this is a problem because you're going past your old comfort zone, maybe it's a good thing. If you think you're making other people uncomfortable, and losing friends or affecting your job, then I guess it's something you may want to investigate further.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!