I had a plan in place to move out at the end of this month. In three more weeks I was looking forward to my own space. I was still battling with how to tell my children, but I was eating the elephant one bite at a time. Apparently, I was eating the elephant too slowly…
Well, WH and I were invited to a couple friend’s party. As a part of our “live in separation”, I only go places with him if it is necessary for our children. So, I asked him if he planned on going to the party, because I hadn’t made up my mind yet. He gets upset and says that I don’t have to act like I’m so unhappy around him and that he would watch the kids if I want to go. I didn’t want to get engaged in an argument, so I communicated to him that my decision was not based on him, I just wanted to know what his plans were.
Later that night, I fix myself a drink, go in my room, play on the internet, and send some texts to various friends on my phone. Well, apparently, while I’m doing this, he is looking at my usage on the phone bill (the number of texts and data used). TMI: I then start to have a little fun with myself (hey, sorry, it’s been a while). In the middle of this, he comes in my room pretending to need some pants and asks if I’m awake. I tell him I was sleeping. He says that he knows I’m up from the data / text usage and wants to know who I’m talking to and what I’m doing. He pulls back my covers, sees my current state, takes my phone, and goes outside. Well, he can’t get into the phone (not that I have anything to hide) because it’s locked (as part of his going through my things before), and he refuses to give it back to me. I tell him that I’m moving out first thing Sunday morning (while he is at work) because he can’t respect me or my privacy, yet he’s been running around with various women for the past 12 years of our relationship.
He calls his mother (at 1am, 3am, and 5am) and tells her that I am moving out because he caught me playing with myself (true) while I talked to my “boyfriend” (not true). In between those times, he kept coming in my room, waking me up all hours of the night/morning, asking about charges on the bank statements, accusing me of different things, calling me all kinds of names, and telling me things like he hopes I die of AIDS (while our children slept). He finally gave it a rest at 5am, but had to go to work at 8am. I started packing. We get in the car to get something to eat first, and when I go to pay, my bank and credit cards were missing. (Luckily, I had something on the side in case of an “emergency”). So now he has my phone and my means of money, and I have three kids. I go back home to call his mother and let her know what was going on.
His parents show up and they talk to him when he returns from work and his Dad tells him that he has to return my things. He hands me the credit cards and says that he’s not giving me the phone back because the line is under his name. I told him it doesn’t work like that, and I have no problem getting a phone in my name, but need a phone now, especially as I am on the road with children. He says he left it at work. I pretend to get something out of my car, but instead open his car door, to get my phone. After he realizes I took the phone, he starts rushing towards me yelling and screaming that I’m a slut, whore, @sshole, I am f#cking men and women… the list goes on… all in front of our three children. I go in the bathroom and lock the door and his Dad says that they are getting me out of the house and the children are coming with me. When I come out of the bathroom he continues his rant, in front of his parents and my children, which included that I was “playing with my p*ssy (true) on the phone with my boyfriend (false)” in his house. Talk about embarrassing..
I go to my inlaws and my son’s first question is: “Mommy, why do you have a boyfriend and a girlfriend?” I tell my son that Mommy doesn’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend and that I am home every night with him because he is my world.
Despite what almost everyone else on here would do, it would have been an opportune time to tell my son that Daddy had many, many girlfriends, but I just couldn’t do it, because, unlike my WH, I don’t like to include children in adult situations.
Oh yeah, and on the way to my inlaws, he has my phone turned off. I told his mother, and of course she had him to turn it back on.
So, where I am now is that his mother is a liason to discuss who will pick up the children.
Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.
~ Ok, Done
Did it break?
Now, say “Sorry” to it.
Did it go back to the way it was before?
Now, do you understand?!
I agree, kg201. The way I see it is that he doesn’t like the way I have responded to HIS infidelities.
ETA: My 6 year old was apologized to by my WH. But, apparently he believes that Mommy was wrong. He keeps asking if I have another boyfriend, he tells me that he wants to go home, and that I should stop texting on my phone so much then Daddy would cool down. So, I see that I will have to explain things to my son, but definitely when things cool down and I am in my house on my terms.
[This message edited by last.chance65 at 9:45 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)]
You must get temp orders in place NOW!
The doosh tried to do the same shit with my phone, turned it off and took me off the bank account. He also cut off the cable tv.
I had temp orders in place, which meant he was not allowed to do any of that.. but many Waywards do not play by the rules (they did not in the marriage, don't expect them to during the divorce either). The kids got very upset when the phone/tv were turned off... And pressured him into turning my phone back on immediately.
Get yourself legally covered. Like, yesterday. He won't stop playing nasty games, and his parents should not be trying to control a grown-ass man throwing temper tantrums.
It's OKAY to be scared.
Being scared means you're about
to do something really, really brave.
If you didn't see this on a previous post, it is a good article that summarizes the whole issue.
Regarding him : you can't make sense out of crazy.