It sounds like you;ve been neglected for a while. Please reach out and get help. I see you have only posted 27 times since 2011. You might consider posting more often to help sort your thinking...be careful I don;t think you will here what you want, but you will hear what you need.
What actions has he done to prove or show he his remorseful?
I'm sorry you are being treated this way. Stay strong!
My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.
I think the question is can you be happy with the relationship you have?
It doesn't seem like the relationship you have is acceptable to you.
Can you imagine a life without this man, what that might be like? My counselor often tells me that I have no idea how good it could feel to not be in the relationship I'm in. Perhaps that is something for you to think about as well.
I don't trust him.
That is a problem right there. You cannot have a healthy marriage without trust. When I realized I could not longer trust my XPOS I went into stealth mode. My gut, like yours, was telling me something was not right. It's hell being the affair police, but that is the only way to determine if your gut feelings are right (at least it was for me). You will continue to be miserable if things continue as they are. In my case, my detective work uncovered much more than I even suspected. Disappointing, heartbreaking, but also validating at the same time.
Everyone has their own breaking point, and only you can determine that. But remember that knowledge is empowering. Start thinking about the "what ifs." What if he is having another affair? What if we do separate/divorce? What are my options legally? What if I am being suspicious for nothing and he isn't having an affair? Can I live in this relationship without something changing?
For the record, his actions scream RED FLAGS! Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words...
Keep coming back here and you will get tremendous support!
*Cough* NPD (or other personality disorder) *Cough*
If he's cooperating with you enough for MC insist he go to a psychiatrist for testing. Do NOT tell him specifically why, just express vague concern about him.
(Edited to add) Talk to the psychiatrist beforehand on the phone and explain you suspect NPD or another personality disorder. Psychiatrists, most (and do ask) understand how to deal with testing/interviewing a possible NPD to get them through the process. They are VERY resistant to this type of testing/treatment because they're perfect, obviously, and the problem is everyone else.
[This message edited by SeeingRed at 6:19 PM, June 10th (Tuesday)]
This was after we'd been separated for a few months, I was starting to gain some clarity on what the relationship was really like (I had been emotionally abused for years), and WXH was begging me to take him back.
My friend said to me something along the lines of: at this point, it's not even about the cheating anymore.
Really, it didn't matter to me, and it shouldn't matter to you, if he's currently having an affair. Whether or not he is, he's shown you that he's the kind of guy who can, and he's also shown you that he's blown the chance at R you've given him by continuing to be an asshole.
Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Is this the life you'd envision for your best friends or kids? What would you tell them?
Only you can make this decision. Obviously, I'm biased, having done a lot of research on whether true personality change is possible (answer: no), and after seeing so many people find themselves in terrible marriages attempting R, frequently with another D-Day 5 or 10 years down the road.
You are the parent of your future self. Where do you want to be in 5 years?
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny