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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: Told our sons
♀ 43525
Member # 43525
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tonight we really finalized that this is all happening. I told STBX that I didn't want to blindside our DS (9) when he moved out, so I was going to tell him tonight. We sat down as a family, and STBX told him he was moving out. He COMPLETELY ignored that he has cheated, and focused on his anger, blah blah. Well, DS was hurt so bad. I could see he was so upset, his heart was breaking. I told STBX I wasn't happy with this, and I went on and told DS that there was more. I wanted DS to be sure he never blamed himself. As delicately as I could do, I told DS what happened. He turned to his dad, and was ready to explode. We talked some more, and he calmed some. He is so upset. He has cried some. He was upset with me that I didn't tell him sooner...he's a quirky little guy, thinks he can fix everything and has a STRONG desire to protect his mother. He told his dad at one point he'd really love to hit him. I so understand his anger...there were times I thought the same thing! In the end, he was calm, but sad. He told me he is worried about "being one of the kids who comes from a home without 2 parents and going mental." We talked about getting him into counseling, or talking to the youth pastor. He seemed very open to that. I'm going to talk to him Weds night and see about setting up some times for them to talk.
DS 14 was told a couple weeks ago, and has been his normal self. He is not STBX's bio child, but said he wanted to visit and be a part of his life. STBX is pretty good with him, he's raised him almost all of his life.
I hate that my boys are going through this. I hate that STBX put them in this position. I was so proud of our "family" and that DS 9 was from an "intact home." It upsets me so much that STBX took that from us.

Me: BW 39
Him: STBXWH 47
Married 10 years
2 sons, 14 and 9
DDays 2004,2008,2012 and 5/8/14

Posts: 60 | Registered: May 2014 | From: USA
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((hiding & boys))))

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40250 | Registered: Aug 2011
♂ 38245
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there Hiding. it sucks and there is nothing fair about it. the kids suffer, and that's hard to witness. Telling my kids was one of the worst days of my life. the counselor advocated lying to the kids so we did. told them we grew apart and fought too much and that kind of crap.

if i were to do it over again i would have told them the truth. they figure it out eventually and will feel lied to.

best wishes for you. k

Me: Creating a better life for myself
Her: Somebody else's problem
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 601 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 3

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