SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

newlysingle posted 6/9/2014 23:27 PM

A friend called tonight to say that the Gnat had a profile pic up of himself dressed as a woman. I refuse to look as I'm really trying to keep NC and move in with my life, but WTF? I need to vent about it somewhere.

I think I've mentioned this on here before, but I'm fairly certain he's either gay or bisexual. He admitted some attraction to men right after DDay. Hello Kitty is a woman, but she is only friends with gay men and somehow works with a clothing business that caters to gay men. I suspect that this is how they met. His FB page is under a fake name and none if his real life friends or family are on it. So I think he feels safe "expressing" himself there.

There's really nothing to say other than it's so freaking confusing. WTH is he engaged to Hello Kitty? I honestly just wish he was gay and had a boyfriend. That I can understand and explain to the kids. I have no idea what is coming down the pipeline with this.

Who the hell was I married to?

homewrecked2011 posted 6/10/2014 00:25 AM

Get your friend to print out the picture and keep it. You may need it in the future....

newlysingle posted 6/10/2014 00:33 AM

She did save it as a screen shot, but I'm not sure how it could help me. It's not illegal to dress as woman. I just wish he could be honest with me about who he really is. I know that's asking too much though.

Nature_Girl posted 6/10/2014 00:59 AM

No, it isn't illegal to crossdress or be transgender. However, as a mother I would think you'd want to ensure that he has made plans on how to tell the children, or how to educate them so he can come out to them, or whatever else. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but some degree of sensitivity needs to be utilized in regards to the children. The fact that he is being very public with this suggests he's not thinking this through. There are social ramifications for the children. As their mother, you ought to be a part of the overall plan to help them understand.

newlysingle posted 6/10/2014 01:08 AM

I agree completely, but he is not going to discuss it with me. I've tried to have conversations with him regarding his sexuality and he just gets angry and defensive. I don't think he's comfortable with himself enough yet to do that.

My gut feeling is that he's coming out of sorts and Hello Kitty is hand holding him through the process. I don't think she's smart enough to realize however, that once he completed this transition, he'll probably leave her in the dust.

I hope that one day we can have an honest conversation about whoever he is and discuss it with the kids. I'm not holding my breath though.

Softcentre posted 6/10/2014 01:37 AM

Crossdressers are not necessarily transgender or gay. There are many who are heterosexual but simply enjoy dressing up as a woman. Many gay men would not enjoy dressing as a woman. Transgendered people feel they were born into the wrong body, they may be gay or heterosexual. Sexuality is more complicated than that.

newlysingle posted 6/10/2014 01:46 AM

I hear you, but I do think he's attracted to men. Long story, but he basically admitted to me after DDay that he did and that he'd had experiences with men in the past, but not sex.

I know sexuality is complicated. I just don't know what to make of this. There were no signs of crossdressing at all in our marriage. However, him being gay wasn't really a shock to me. I felt like there were some red flags that pointed in that direction.

Softcentre posted 6/10/2014 01:56 AM

NS - So he may be bi, gay and/or transgender too. Very confusing for you in trying to make sense of your M etc. Have you got an IC? Sounds like he has been hiding himself from everyone for a long time and is very good at it. Hard to see your suspicions become reality though, isn't it? (((NS)))

emptiness2014 posted 6/10/2014 08:54 AM

Sounds like he is very confused and may only be starting the coming out process to himself at this point. He may only come out as a cross-dresser, or it may be that he is gay or bi. Based on your info that he admitted to experiences with and attraction to men in the past, it is likely he is gay or bi but still in denial. The general theory is that same sex attraction gets stronger with age and time. Whatever is going on with him, it makes for some confusion ahead for your kids and you will need to have a plan in place. You will need to teach them that there is nothing wrong with being bi or gay. No matter how you feel, they need to know that their dad is ok and there is nothing wrong with him. Hard I know, as I am going through it too. My stbxh and I are separating because he isgay and has cheated on me. Still don't know how or when we will explain it to the kids, but they are young enough it won't be a huge adjustment to them.

Hugs.

newlysingle posted 6/10/2014 09:24 AM

Thanks. I have no issue with him being gay. I'd be relieved if that's all this is. We are very liberal and my kids are exposed to gay people quite a bit. I actually have a gay friend moving in with us for a few months. Ironically, he told me that he and his ex-boyfriend thought the Gnat was gay all along.

I just want him to get to wherever it is he's going to end up. It also makes me angry that he's going to enter another marriage with a woman when he obviously has all of these confusing feelings. However, she's stupid enough to go along with it.

I know my kids will be fine whatever happens. He will always be their father and as long as he keeps them safe, he can do what he wants. It was just really a blow to hear that though.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 9:26 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)]

newlysingle posted 6/10/2014 09:27 AM

No, I'm not seeing an IC at the moment, but I'd like to. I'm about to leave for 5 weeks to go back home though. I'm thinking I'll do it again when I'm back.