I can see pain in his eyes when I cry.he sits and holds his head in his hands and says he's so sorry he hurt me and us.
Im so in love with him still it scares me sometimes.I do genuinely believe hed do anything to make me trust him again. I hope in time I will
[This message edited by LA44 at 6:53 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)]
For now your focus needs to be on you and your child. Take good care of yourself. Is your H in IC? Is he reading? While you tend to your needs and baby's, he can look into figuring out his issues so that he can truly work into becoming the man you and your child need.
We lost our way after our second son was born. Hopefully, with the birth of your son, lots of talks and good support, you two find a well-lit path.
[This message edited by LA44 at 6:52 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)]
It's funny how sometimes the people you'd take a bullet for,are the ones behind the trigger.
Before this he was loyal loving kind and worshipped the ground I walked on.
He's still in there and parts of it are shining through now.
Complete transparency, open honest talks,always calls and texts throughout day.
Says sorry daily, for the bad things he has done .he tells me where he is n who with,if he sees in my eyes that I'm doubting he gets my coat so I can go with him,all these things help me. He had n/c since day he told me.altho it wasn't much contact in run up to confession,he was very ill (guilt I imagine) finally realised that what he was doing was making him more ill. For him the weight lifted the day he told me for me it loaded me down with a burden to carry,but daily I feel it getting lighter.
I never thought my husband would do what he did, but its happened and I can't change it.
I do get tearful daily but he's patient and kind,and says I haven't left him so that's hope enough for him that one day ill forgive.
I do believe together we can get through it .maybe it had to take something very bad to happen to make him realise his problems and get help and make us see what matters in life and not to take it for granted again!
I am happy to hear that things are moving forward positively for you. I just read your bio, and I feel like our husbands stories are very similar. My WH has been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder for a little over a year now. His A was from Jan-April with a woman he met on Ashley Madison. He went on the site to become someone different. We have had money issues, he is still struggling to get his BA (he has been in school on and off for 10 years), I make more money than him, his family always points out his failures, etc. He originally wanted to chat with women so that he could feel like he was someone else. His A was with a woman that was having struggles of her own (special needs child, WH of her own) and they also did not just have sex, they would get coffee and talk. From what he and she have confirmed, he never spoke about the stresses of his real life, and never spoke badly about me. I suppose that provides some comfort. When I was contacted by his A partners husband, my world shattered and it took 2 weeks before my WH admitted sex. He says it was only once, that over the 2 month affair they talked online only for about a month, then met a handful of times. I am starting to believe him, her story matches, but like you I can't fully understand why he didn't feel like he could turn to me when he was struggling and I didn't realize how much he thought of himself as a failure in life. He said to me that he didn't think he was good enough for me, and since he already didn't deserve me, each time their A progressed to something more, he just thought he was proving to himself how much he didn't deserve me. He even said to me, when I told him I want to reconcile, that he was surprised and it made him feel even worse that he had hurt me so badly and I was still a strong woman and loved him so much I was by his side. My DDAY was just this past Friday, so I am glad to see someone who is going through a similar situation as myself and see you moving forward. Congrats on the baby! I hope he brings much joy. We are holding off on kids until WH finishes school, and we repair the damage done to our marriage. Hugs to you, please keep in touch and I will be following your inspiring story.
PS You are a very strong woman to be enduring what you are and raising a little boy. I am glad your WH is a strong male for your son so far and I hope he continues.
"Reconciliation means working together to correct the legacy of past injustice." - Nelson Mandela