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The pain hurts / my story

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mbjr73 posted 6/10/2014 09:23 AM

Hello all,

My wife packed her things and left yesterday with our son who is 10. We have been married 14 years and were together 6 years before that. She cheated after 1 1/2 years of marriage. We got through it.

Then about 5 years ago I found out she had cheated again. thought we got through that she apologized and did the whole boohoo thing.

Then this past January I received a message from a mutual friend that my wife had confessed to his wife that she met a great guy and was gonna leave me for him.

I messed up instead of digging for information, I checked the guy out on facebook. then confronted her about him, she said he was just a friend, then two days later I went to look him up again on FB and he had blocked me from viewing his page and his wife's.

I have another alternate FB account I used it to message his wife what was happening, she never replied back but has since changed her FB name back to her madain name.

When I did check my wife's FB account all messages were deleted.

I got up one morning alittle earlier then normal and she was on the phone with him.
I gave her the ultimatum to stop all contact of get out.

Then this past Saturday her and my son were in bed watching TV I poked my head in to tell my son hi, and she tucked something behind the blanket , I asked her what she was hiding and it was her cell phone, I am assuming she was texting him, so I told my son his mom is seeing another man and she will probably be moving out.

Well Yesterday I got home from work and her stuff and my sons stuff was gone. My heart sank MY SON IS MY WORLD.

I got ahold of her on the phone and she told me I can see my son whenever I like but I did not want to be a weekend dad.

I feel like just letting her move the guy in so my son will be home we I get there but I know I can't do that. Me nor her can afford a Divorce at the moment, well unless her new guy has money which will mean I may get screwed twice. I am on the verge of having to file chapter 7 as it is.

Just refinanced the house to have more money for groceries and this happens.

I am sorry the post is so long I just needed to tell you guys/gals in hope for support my heart is bleeding right now.

I am a drinker usually 12 pack per night, I am not violent and do not do stuff to cause trouble I am a happy drunk but I think it is because of all her years of cheating. anyway last night I could only drink one beer because of the pain.

I will give her what money I can to support my son, I am worried is she files for divorce I might have to pay alimony AS well as child support.

again long rant sorry, and Thanks!


[This message edited by mbjr73 at 9:24 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)]

Junebug0525 posted 6/10/2014 09:39 AM

I'm sorry you have to be here. I recommend talking to a lawyer ASAP. Find out what your rights/responsibilities are. Look up the laws in Georgia for alimony when it comes to adultery.

Now gently...

Don't bring your son into this. It's not his fault. Don't badmouth his mom regardless of what she does. He will figure these things out as time goes on, but he doesn't need to hear any of it from you. You just need to let him know that you love him and his mom loves him. He's going to be upset about all this enough without having to hear one parent talk bad about the other.

Second, I recommend getting some treatment for your drinking. It's not your wife's cheating that causes you to drink, just like nothing you did caused her to cheat. Personal responsibility and accountability. Now, if you want more than just EOW visitation, you need to quit drinking. That can be used against you.

There is a lot of advice on this forum. I don't know much about the legal stuff. My ex and I were able to resolve everything without lawyers (which sometimes I regret, but mostly it's been ok), so I don't have any advice other than to talk to a lawyer.

emptiness2014 posted 6/10/2014 11:54 AM

I am so sorry. My kids are my world. I am sad enough thinking about the days I won't see them, I can't imagine what you're going through.

I second the quit drinking. For a number of reasons: alcohol is a depressant - it will make your sadness worse, it costs money - money that you don't really have, and it could be used against you in a custody case.

Also go see a lawyer. Asap.

Kajem posted 6/10/2014 11:57 AM

First things first breath. Eat and hydrate. Do what you can to protect yourself financially, physically, and emotionally.

A lot of lawyers offer the first consult for free- go and become educated on legal separation and divorce in your state.

Most states are promoting 50:50 parenting time. You most likely will get more than every other weekend.

Call an attorney or three talk to them. A lot of fear went away when I actually discovered what was in my head was false.

I'm sorry you find yourself here, but this is the best place to be when dealing with infidelity.

5454real posted 6/10/2014 12:03 PM

quit drinking. see a lawyer. since there has been no custody determination yet, she has no right to take the child from his family home. she could be facing legal repercussions.
quit drinking
your son needs you, not a drunk, happy or not.

mbjr73 posted 6/10/2014 12:26 PM

Thanks for your advise and support, The not drinking isn't really a problem I can go without drinking. I have an appointment with a lawyer next Monday, I won't be able to afford him right now but maybe I can learn some insight, I wish I had gathered evidence before confronting her about it. But I don't really have any.

I will be getting my son on Friday for the weekend.

Never knew how quite my house was till last night.

Thanks again .

nowiknow23 posted 6/10/2014 12:52 PM

I am a drinker usually 12 pack per night
That's a lot of alcohol, mbjr73. I'm concerned that going cold turkey from that kind of habit may cause some incredibly serious issues. Please talk to your doctor about the best way to quit without hurting yourself.

Welcome to SI.

mbjr73 posted 6/10/2014 14:37 PM

Thanks NIK, I am a BIG man so a 12pk is like a 6pk for most folks and I can go without drinking, I just enjoy some beer, but I will be laying off for awhile until I get things figured out.

PurpleRose posted 6/10/2014 14:44 PM

Acceptance is the first step towards recovery. If you think drinking a 12 pack a night does not equate to a drinking problem then let me tell you about the river you are floating down- called DeNile. My parents also claim they can "stop whenever! It's no problem!" That is bullshit. They are alcoholics.

Being a drunk will not help you in court. It will, in fact, probably hurt your case. Do yourself and your kid a HUGE favor and get to AA, and sober up.

You will need to be in charge of your mind to get through a divorce. You cannot do that while drinking 12 beers a night.

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 2:45 PM, June 10th (Tuesday)]

mbjr73 posted 6/16/2014 12:43 PM

Purple thanks for the advice, I haven't had a beer since Thursday, been feeling to sick, hardly eating, trying to drink plenty of water.

I got my son on Friday she dropped him off at my work, we had a good weekend together went fishing and swimming, watched movies and chilled.

He is 10 years old and I think he knows whats going on I explained it to him best I could and told him that me and his mom both love him to death and none of this was his fault.

Anyway I was dreading her picking him up on fathers day, he wanted to stay till 6PM, so he called her to ask and she let him stay over night and I met her this morning to drop him off on my way to work.

I tried to control myself till I was out of his view, then just started crying and sobbing. I was able to stop it before I goto work.

I hope to get him this weekend.

I am meeting with a lawyer for the free consult tomorrow and discuss what options I have, but I know already I won't be able to payhim $5000.00 anytime soon.

I am not sure if she will get her new man or family to help her get a lawyer and file. I am not sure about much. But for now I will just remain civil and enjoy my son when I have him.

I changed the locks on my doors Friday because her new man was the one that helped her move out. and my son did tell me they were living with him.


mbjr73 posted 7/11/2014 14:36 PM

Update on my separation.
My wife has been letting me get my son on the weekends, this past week I was on vacation for the 4th and my Birthday. She let me keep him the whole ten days. Which I find kind of odd, she has never been without him 1 day since he was born. either she trusts me or wants the alone time with her new man.

Either way I had my son and I am doing the NC except for calling to talk to my son.

She has asked for money to buy him food with, I am going to give her 25.00 which is half of my grocery budget.

She is dropping him off here at work today at 5PM for the weekend.

The sad part is next weekend I will have to work and want see him for a couple of weeks.

Trying to focus on the positive stuff, like less water and electric usage at the house.

And for those wondering I have cut out most of my beer drinking went the whole week while I was off, except for my Birthday then I had a few.


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