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Newest Member: betrayedinil (61145)

User Topic: How do you deal with mc session ending in conflict?
♀ 19234
Member # 19234
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today's mc session was great. However the last ten minutes ended in a conflict. We continued it after the session for five minutes but then wh went back to work. I really hate when It happens this way. Interesting that I usually want to reach out to make up. This time I'm just angry and not going to be the one. Hopefully he will. Otherwise it will be a long week!!

Posts: 327 | Registered: Apr 2008
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you should run to him to make things better, but I do believe you could continue discussing the situation.

Fighting is not a bad thing, be conscious of the way you do it.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 4012 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
♀ 41535
Member # 41535
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, it's a horrible feeling. Half of our sessions end that way right now, for lots of reasons: we are learning how to communicate effectively with each other, she's struggling with initial defensiveness in response to my pain from the EAs, and I'm still dealing with feelings of anger from time to time. I'm sure there are other reasons, too.

We have our sessions scheduled in the evenings with a babysitter so that we can go on a dinner date after. We continue to talk about it after a cooling down period in which we get into the car and decide where to go to dinner. Sometimes we are quiet half the way there, but eventually we start talking about it again.

I think it's to be expected, even though it feels crappy. I had grand expectations of R and WSs capability for demonstrating remorse due to the wonderfully humble WSs found on the website. She's just not there yet and things will be rocky until then, as I will continue to struggle with trusting her until she is.

Good luck. I agree with the pp. I wonder if giving in and running to "make up" is part of the maladaptive pattern in your relationship that needs to change. If that's true, the odds of him coming to you to do so are nil at this point. A continued discussion about the conflict, however, is not giving in. It's being respectful, genuine, honest and authentic in your interactions. Though it is difficult and you will have arguments as you adapt to this way of being, it will be worth it in the long run.

...or that's what I keep telling myself.

XWS: 40
BS: 40
DS: 7
9 year relationship
DDay #1: September 6, 2013 EA for 5 weeks August 2013 with TT
DDay #2: January 2, 2014 EA for 6 weeks summer 2011 with TT
"I am still learning." -Michelangelo

Posts: 967 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Midwest
♀ 39906
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It happened to us 2 weeks ago. We were going at it so bad that our 1 hour appt turned into 2 hours. Good thing we were the last appt of the day. Our MC told us to leave it in the room so we did. It was awkward for the first few min on the car ride home but we actually went on to have a good night.

Posts: 1825 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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