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Newest Member: Happymom3 (55810)

User Topic: Is she leaving or is she not? Advice pls
the past is gone
♀ 28813
Member # 28813
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So dd(2) was in January. The OW was a co-worker. My H informed me that she was leaving the job in June to study for board exams. We both did not want a scandal from the A as we are both at risk if a scandal were to occur. We work in the same field and don't want to lose out jobs or endure the talk and embarrassment.

He has assured me that she would be gone from the office by June. Well it's June and she's still at work. I have asked my H to inquire when she is leaving or I would. He has avoided to ask her. He doesn't talk to her anymore and he only sees her once or twice a week when they are "scheduled" to work together.

My IC says I should confront her because he hasn't. I just don't want the scandal. I don't want to keep nagging my H about it. He is a huge avoider of controversy- he never likes to confront anyone. Help!

Any advice. This whole issue is stalling reconciliation. I'm so angry.

Me 53
Him 53
M 27 years
2 adult kids
OW co-worker age 30. (Ugh)
Dd 1- 2/13/10 dd-2 1/12/14 (ugh)

Posts: 107 | Registered: Jun 2010
♀ 41245
Member # 41245
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there anyone who can "find out" her plans, without knowing the reason why? I find in terms of discretion, there are ways to discover information without revealing too much, perhaps through a neutral third party? ie "I wonder how so-and-so (OW) is doing with her studies for the board exams?" innocently asked..which may give more information.

How unfortunate the additional social pressure that is placed on those of us who find ourselves in this position, having done absolutely nothing to deserve it.

The main question would be is he still involved? If not, then sometimes its just not possible to remove the person. His sincerity and remorse would be key indicators as well.

Married 10 years, together for 15
Me: BS Him: chronic boundary issues, EA for 2 years, DD Spring 2013

Posts: 221 | Registered: Nov 2013
the past is gone
♀ 28813
Member # 28813
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is definitely not still involved with her. And he doesn't want to talk to her, which is why he won't talk to her.

But you are right, sometimes we can't get co workers to move on. In this case though she will be moving on as once she passes the exam she will need to find a new job in that field. I wish it was tomorrow!

I hate that I have to tiptoe around her. We all work in the same building and same field. I did not betray my H, yet even my reputation and career are at risk.

Posts: 107 | Registered: Jun 2010
Topic Posts: 3

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