"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

marlie2014 posted 6/12/2014 13:41 PM

Yesterday would have been my ninth wedding anniversary. The divorce was final just a few weeks ago, so I had hoped to make yesterday a much more memorable day than it was last year -- when my XWH, otherwise known as the Rat, spent at least half of our anniversary dinner talking on his cell phone and then as we were watching a movie later on left in the middle to 'see a guy about a car.' (Now I realize he probably left to see one of his girlfriends, but whatever)

I got up in the morning with a giant zit on my chin, tried to cover it up the best I could, dressed up and went to take care of some business before work. It was a disaster, so I went to work feeling flustered and irritated. The workday wasn't so great, and halfway through the day my shoe broke. I was wearing a very beautiful pair of red-and-tan suede heels, and my left shoe split open at the side. Walking from work to the parking garage was an adventure.

Finally, I went home after work to wait for a professional A/C repairman to come and fix my A/C because it was 106 degrees outside (A/C had been on the fritz since last week and a 'friend' who was supposed to fix it ended up bailing). He was supposed to come at 6pm, so I had hoped afterwards to treat myself to dinner out somewhere; however, he and his fellow repairman didn't show up until nearly 9pm, at which point I had already given up the idea of dinner out in despair. I ate some ham and cheese and crackers, turned on classical music and settled on my sofa with a book.

I didn't think I was going to think too much about my wedding day, but I did. My attention wandered a few times and I found myself walking sadly down memory lane, remembering how happy I was that day and what a good match we seemed to be. Little did I know what sick tendencies were lurking under the surface. I had to shake myself to stop thinking about it; I wished I hadn't spent the evening alone, but I had no choice because it was either be terribly hot or wait for the late repairmen.

By the time the repairmen came, I was just finishing up a workout which helped chase some of the marriage demons away. One good thing at least happened yesterday -- they fixed the A/C in about 15 minutes and it cost me the equivalent of $16 U.S. dollars.

Finally I took a shower and went to bed.

Happy anniversary to me.

When that day comes, do any of you think about the ghosts of anniversaries past or feel anything much? I really wanted to make it a great day, but everything went wrong until the end of it.

norabird posted 6/12/2014 13:46 PM

((((marlie))))

Dreamboat posted 6/12/2014 14:07 PM

(((hugs)))

The first few years after the D are hard. But it does get easier, I promise. Last year it came and went and I did not even realize it.

nowiknow23 posted 6/13/2014 14:31 PM

Lord, honey. What a day.

I've had three anniversaries since everything blew up. The first one was a great day - I was on a cruise with my best girl pals, and we snorkeled with sea turtles. I didn't think about it being my anniversary until late in the day (vacations tend to screw with my sense of date and time).

The next one would have been our 25th, and all our friends were celebrating their 25th anniversaries with big trips, parties, etc. That one was tough.

This last one, I didn't even think of it until it had passed and even then, it was a fleeting thought.

You'll get there, honey. Until you do, big hugs. (((((marlie)))))

dontknowwhyme posted 6/13/2014 15:02 PM

It certainly does get easier with time. Mine was last week. I didn't realize it until two days after. Oops guess I don't so much anymore.

marlie2014 posted 6/13/2014 15:33 PM

Thanks, that helps. Last night was better. I went out to dinner with a friend and we went shoe shopping, too. Definitely a better day!

reallystruggling posted 6/13/2014 20:04 PM

if it is any solace to you, i was married for almost 2 decades. ihave been divorced for 4 years. and only after reading your post did i realize that TODAY would have been my wedding anniversary. must've slipped my mind :) i used to cry on anniverary date, DDay date, his birthday. now i just plain old forgot it because it simply isnt relevant in my life now.
hugs.

better4me posted 6/14/2014 10:45 AM

When that day comes, do any of you think about the ghosts of anniversaries past or feel anything much?

Each year it seems to get easier... I think sadness on anniversaries indicate we valued our marriage, our dreams, vows etc. meant something to us. It is a understandable thing that this makes us sad, even years later, because it means we valued something that our WS's didn't value. I'm working at letting myself feel all my feelings, even the ones I don't "like"...rather than trying to push them away or avoid them. Sadness is a natural human response.

That said, I like having something planned with friends for "those" days, but sometimes that doesn't work out. Glad the next day was better (SHOES!) and that your air conditioner now works!