It is not an affair since you weren't married at the time. I assume nothing she can admit to that happened before you were married would ruin your marriage.
Bring up the fact you know she is lying when she said her mom took the pictures.
Also, bringing up the past like this after so many years of a faithful good marriage could be asking for trouble. Do you really want to open a can of worms.
If this is really tearing you up, just tell her it is bothering you so much. Odd, after 29 years of marriage this should suddenly come up, she should suddenly mention it.
And I cannot remember every girl's names I was with 30some year ago no matter how many times someone asked me.
If you find out the whole truth to what happen 30 years ago will it affect your marriage?
Is knowing the truth going to really be helpful?
You have to weigh all that out, I wanted to hear more about what my husband did before we were married but all it did was bring me pain. My counselor stated and he was right, it isn't helpful in our marriage what happen years before we were married.
Unless this will be breaking point of your marriage and if you find out what you really don't want to know. Is it really worth it?
You think she ever cheated while you were married?
I also have a great memory and there are still names from that long ago I don't remember. But I think if I was with a girl and she called me again, I might remember.
The problem here is that her reluctance to answer your questions honestly, is now making you wonder more and more.
When someone hides something and it is obvious, it just makes it that more curious.
Is there ANY answer that she could give you that could hurt your marriage, any answer that could ruin 29 years of a fine marriage just like that?
If not, tell her that.
I guess, if it were me, I would be curious, because that is the way I am.
And I would also wonder, why in the world my wife went so far as to tell me these things and then stop from telling me the rest. Almost like, if you werent going to tell me the entire truth, why the heck did you bring it up in the first place.
she admitted to an EA culminating is a parking lot kiss after a Christmas Party
From what you say, it sounds like you were satisfied at the time that she told you the entire truth about the EA. Are you now doubting that?
I think it is great you and her can have talks like this. Make sure you can keep it that way. By that I mean no matter what she admits to, try very hard not to get mad, threatening anything or stuff like that.
If she is willing to talk, keep talking.
Do you honestly forgive her for what she had done to you before you were married? Or are you just taken aback from all of this?
You last message was how could she have acted differently when we went to the reunion. It sounds to me you're actually hurt about what she did.
How can someone who is crazy in love (she pursued me quite intensely) do that and just put it aside. That part kind of eats at me, too.
I have never been one of those that believe someone can just forget.
I mean, yes, anyone can forget a ONS when they were single.
But I do believe in this case your wife does remember who this person is/was.
Just be careful and don't start a big fight over this, something that happened so long ago and before you were married.
If it continues to bother you, and your wife continues to say she doesn't remember. Is there any realistic way you could call the other girl and say, we were talking about the past, can you tell me the guys name.
Without causing a huge fight. The last thing you want to do know is ruin your marriage over this.
Continue talking with your wife just like you did when you and her had that heart to heart talk.
If you're happy don't let this ruin what you two have.
Me: I know things have been stressful in 2014 with you losing both of your parents in a span of four months and it meant the world to me to get away last weekend for our 29th anniversary, and reconnect. We have a good history. We have survived a lot, raised two wonderful daughters, and through it all, I felt that when push came to shove, I could count on you. You would be there for me, and I you. Remember a month ago as your father was dying, he asked me to always take care of you and that is a promise that I will keep. Our vows 29 years ago mean something in a time when so many see them as empty promises.
There is nothing more I would like than to once again recommitted to each other in everyway - heart to heart. But there is a problem I have that only you can help with. I'm hoping you will find it in your heart to help me get through this.
When we discussed the now infamous Beach trip where you admitted to a ONS I looked you in the eye and you seemed sincere in answering all of my questions about what happened. As I stated then, I still thought you knew the guys name but told me you couldn't remember. But I let it go, but in my heart I think you know/knew him. But it was so long ago, we weren't married, so I let "sleeping dogs lie." Then, as you know, just a few months ago, I came across the pictures of that very same Beach trip and a couple were taken by a third person. When I showed these to you and asked who took them, you once agsin could not remember, got very quiet, and 15 minutes later, just out of the blue, stated your mother must have taken the shots. Point to note: it could not have been her, she was working that week, she has never centered a photo shot in her life, and why would she take a pic of your friends butt while laying out for a tan. So here's what I need to say. I do love you, I will always take care of you, and we are in it for the long haul. However, there is an empty space in my heart because this story does not add up at. There are many missing pieces that make me think you have not been forthcoming with ALL of the details. And that hurts me to no end because I want to believe you letter to letter. But I cannot with this issue. Maybe this will seem trivial to some given the time lapse, not married, etc.; however, it matters to me. It matters to me that I can look into your eyes and trust you completely. Is that important to you?
Me; At that point it has to rest, either she will admit something then, or maybe later, or not at all. I will not bring it up again.
I really don't know if it is a great idea to mix it with what you want her to give you for your birthday.
She probably is looking forward to getting or giving you anything but that.
IMO, I think it best to separate the two things.
Keep your birthday separate from this truth.
You asking her this could bring up BAD memories for your wife. She might be lying because it was bad.
She said it was awkward and painful and ultimately confessed to the entire ordeal, or so I thought.
She called me later at 3am and woke me with "how do you feel about us and where are we going, etc.)
I think it is best that you leave it until the time is right. Have your birthday and make it fun.
When you feel the time is right, explain to her that you can't live wondering the rest of your life. It is not fair. She is the one that started it by telling you in the first place.
She cannot leave it hanging like this.
Also remember, thinking you know the truth and being right is different than actually hearing the truth from her. It is worse when confirmed.
So just be ready for the worst possible answer. And then work it out from there. And again, you are talking about a long time ago.