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a little white lie..??

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amiready posted 6/13/2014 08:19 AM

SO, WH and I were talking the other night about moving, we still haven't moved but are working towards it (some days I believe it and some days I don't). I was upset that he wasn't taking a more active part and he was making excuses as to why he wasn't... We got into an argument over vacation plans (my mom is helping us with her vacation home)and long story short-I have an Iphone and you can tell which applications were last used by hitting the home button. I do that so that I can close the apps and save my battery.
Well, I went over to my phone and realized that he had been looking at my text messages with my mom.
I point blank asked him if he was searching for something in my messages (He had said something that made me sure he had read the texts, and then when I saw that someone had opened the texts and it wasn't me... I asked if he was looking for something and he looked right at me and said , "no, why would you say that?" i told him that he used words that were in texts to my mom and he said "no I didn't". I know it seems trivial and hard to explain but I am worried that he outright lied to me about this. We have both been open about leaving our emails out,phones out and he has been transparent but to use a text in an argument and then lie that he opened it.. am i overreacting!?!?

jo2love posted 6/13/2014 18:17 PM

I hear what you are saying. You both have access to each other's phones. Yet he chose to lie over being honest. This is concerning. Could he be telling you other lies? This would be good to bring up in MC. Sending strength.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:22 PM, June 13th (Friday)]

Gotmegood posted 6/14/2014 00:55 AM

No, to me it isn't an over reaction to be stunned and frightened at the prospect of being lied to by your spouse....but particularly after having found out about infidelity, which is a huge bunch of lies. It would scare me. I would address it. Does he understand what being lied to feels like for you? If you are in counseling, I'd def bring it up.

amiready posted 6/19/2014 11:22 AM

Thanks for your support and feedback. I brought it up, however, he denies he did it. It is really gnawing at me and makes me second guess what happened... I have been telling him over the past couple of months that I have been feeling very unhappy and like we are stuck and not moving forward and now I feel like this being lied to is a huge step back and re-introducing feelings that I had felt I had worked through. I am desperate to keep moving for my marriage and my children but I am getting tired. Tired of always feeling like I am waiting for something else, tired of fighting, tired of the whole thing.... I am assuming (from reading lots of posts here) that this up and down is normal, but how do you dig yourself out of a downward turn. Because this has happened I feel like its different from just the regular ups and downs. I don't know how to describe it, but I have a feeling I am not alone in having setbacks. I really appreciate everyone's help and postings, I can't tell you how much they have gotten me through and will continue to get me through.

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