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need_hope posted 6/13/2014 10:11 AM

I've been mostly lurking for the past several months but I wanted to share what has been going on in my life.

I lost my job a couple of months ago. It was a terrible blow emotionally because I loved my job and the company I worked for. I could have seen myself working for them until I retired. But, c'est la vie. It happened and I had to adjust. After a couple weeks of self-pity and licking my wounds - okay, maybe more than a couple weeks - I finally took a hard look at what I wanted to do.

First, I decided to take the summer off. I can swing it financially, so that eased my mind.

Secondly, I am not sure that I want to stay in the same field. I ended up in banking and IT mostly by happenstance. I may want a change and I'm willing to take the time to explore my options.

Thirdly, I've always wanted to write. I've always wanted to put pen to paper...or fingers to keyboard...and tell a story. I've written and published some poetry but have always been afraid to expand into something longer.

So, I decided to spend the summer writing. I am writing MY story. I'm starting the story when I was just a normal teenager from a normal middle-class family. I'm covering how I met the X and started dating him at 16 and how the grooming for emotional abuse started even way back then. I'll take it through the entire marriage and the escalation of control and abuse. I'll finish with the devastating effects of infidelity and the need for help and healing.

People who haven't lived through it don't understand the pervasive and soul-crushing consequences of emotional abuse. Maybe my story will help to give hope to someone living in similar circumstances. Maybe my story will help someone who hasn't experienced it have a better understanding of the incremental escalation of abuse. Or maybe it will just be a cathartic exercise for me. Regardless, I'll be able to place a check mark on my bucket list.

And, considering the shit ton of lemons that life has handed me over the past several years, it's time I finally decided to make some lemonade.

Charity411 posted 6/13/2014 10:33 AM

Good for you! I admire your courage. I totally agree that people don't really understand the effects of emotional abuse and infidelity. They don't understand why you don't just leave.

norabird posted 6/13/2014 11:04 AM

Your attitude is inspiring. We can't change what happens to us but we can control how we handle it. Make that lemonade!

need_hope posted 6/14/2014 10:17 AM

Thanks Charity. I don't know if it is actually courageous but it is definitely an opportunity that I couldn't let pass by.

need_hope posted 6/14/2014 10:21 AM

Thanks norabird. It's been an interesting journey so far. Right now I'm in the regurgitation stage - just trying to get things out and on paper. Editing and making sense of it comes later!

better4me posted 6/14/2014 10:48 AM

I'm in the regurgitation stage
^^^made me laugh and sounds like what happens when I write, although I'm not sure I like the visual image

How very cool that you can make this time to cross off an item on your list!

[This message edited by better4me at 10:49 AM, June 14th (Saturday)]

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