He has lost all credibility, my respect, my love.
1/18/16 filing for divorce.
Divorce final 4/8/16.
I can't say I've done this, but I already have a pixie cut so there wouldn't be much to cut.
However a couple of days ago WH asked me if I was ever going to grow it out. He (like most men) prefers long hair. The prostitute (the one I know of) had very long dark wavy hair, I know this because I found plenty of it left for me on the hotel sheets!
Anyway, when he asked if I was ever going to grow it out, it sent a wave of fury over me, so much so that I literally wanted to have a Britney Spears moment and just shave my head!!!
So, I haven't done what you did, but it certainly crossed my mind. We all have a lot of crap we keep pushing down on the inside and eventually it has to come out, sometimes not in the most healthy ways. I know there are better ways to handle things, are you in IC, MC, do you have someone you can talk to? If not, I suggest you get into IC, it does help to have someone you can spill your guts to!
In the mean time, know that we're here for ya!
I haven't done it myself but I know others who have.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Are you in IC?
"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown
It has never been long again. It never will be.
I think it's some cleansing of spirit, starting new, purging of evil.
Plus for it was a fuck you to him. He went on a weekend trip to "go fishing" he really was with her. Of course at that point I only had suspicions.
... you know ... because it seemed like such a great time to be making those kinds of decisions.
Been happily separated for 15 months, hate my future ex-wife, still love all my tattoos.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
Never did it, but that urge was strong for months.
She gave me a cute VERY short pixie. I told her I really liked the cut she gave me. She said, "you MUST. You have done this twice." We had a chuckle and she gave me a hug.
The urge was so overwhelming I just couldnt stop myself.
BS (me) 40
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years
4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA
married 19 and 7 kids
He has now decided he can't do it anymore and left
I think this may be a normal thing for people under extreme distress and trauma. I'm not sure why.
I cut my hair very short after my first miscarriage. I didn't want to look in the mirror and see myself looking the same as I did when I was blissfully pregnant.
This is something that a lot of the patients did when under extreme stress, as others have noted.
Still, I think, if you are not already getting professional help, it is time to get some, and discuss this incident with your psych pro.
edited for typo
[This message edited by seethelight at 10:40 AM, June 23rd (Monday)]
I think it's rather natural after a traumatic experience like infidelity. Even with just a "normal" breakup, I think lots of women feel the urge to change things up and end up doing something different with their hair.
However, I *did* take the scissors to a bunch of my clothes and a hammer to a bunch of my jewelry. I just wanted to get rid of the past and start fresh, so you could have caught me numerous times at the flea market and clearance sections of stores trying to replenish my wardrobe and accessories.
I will admit to being a cutter in high school when dealing with another traumatic experience I endured, and while I can't speak for all cutters, I will say for me, I was hurting so bad emotionally, I wanted something else to hurt more. It was a weird sort of emotional release for me. I realize now how self-destructive that behavior was and how it didn't solve anything, but it did make me feel good at the time. I think I had some self-loathing as well, so it didn't matter to me at the time that I was hurting myself.. Luckily, I've found other outlets for my pain and anger, such as breaking old cheap dishes into a garbage can or cutting up pictures of my ex into a million pieces.. Sometimes you just need a release..
I would suggest some IC for you as well. Something I see here on SI a lot is how hard it is sometimes for betrayed spouses to love themselves again and be proud of themselves and take care of themselves. Even though none of this was our fault, so many times we internalize this and try to find ways we were responsible for them cheating. I hope you know that NOTHING you did or didn't do caused him to cheat. He always had the choice to be honest and leave you, but he was a selfish manipulative pig and took advantage of you. Always remember that..
And I just remembered the one other time in my life I had the urge to chop my hair, and that was after the birth of one of my sons. Perhaps sometimes we are so stressed and want to make life easier, so maybe we think cutting our hair would make life easier when we have a lot on our plate.. That could be part of it too..
It's really not surprising to me at all that you want to look and feel different, but now you need to own it. Get thee to a hairdresser and try to enjoy the new you
Probably ruined a good 50 hours of work because the project was just that complex. Silly probably, stupid definitely but it was nice to get the aggression out and it was better than some of the other things that crossed my mind.
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
The mirror thing - also very normal. My mom told me she couldn't look at herself in the mirror after my Dad left her for his AP. I couldn't for a while either. Occasionally I would catch glimpses of myself and think, "who's that pretty woman?" and was heartbroken that the inside of me didn't match the outside, and how much was stolen from me....
OW was his ex he always convinced was his friend .. moved in her and knocked her up , got together behind my back
Ddays : many in 2009 and 2010
final dday : Sept 2012 after being broken up 3 w