The kids are 14 and 11 and they have both said they do not want to live with him and they want to stay with me. I don't even know what he plans to do with them while he is at work. I guess sit at his mom's house (because she works all day too) while I am here available to be with them all day? I have been trying to find a job with no success.
He always swore he would never try to take the kids from me. I knew he was a liar but I actually believed that one. I don't know how I am going to be able to afford a long drawn-out custody battle but there is no way I am handing him my kids.
I even offered him the chance to see them on Father's Day and he declined and said he didn't think they wanted to see him. They don't but the offer was still there and I would have taken them to meet him. And he said no but wants full custody?
Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him
You've been home-schooling the kids forever and a day. You are their caregiver. End of story. No judge is going to hand those kids over to your WH.
He's just rattling your cage. Make sure to hit him square between the eyes with it when you swing open the door and walk away to freedom with your kids in tow.
My WH sent over a BS offer this week. His attorney told mine,"well, I know xyz won't happen, but I needed to get something down on paper and over to you.".
Breathe. It won't happen.
One thing my atty told me,,,, DO NOT ASK HIM TO GET THE KIDS. Just quietly start writing on a piece of paper EVERY day Yes or No did he get them and for how long. This will tremendously help you!
You've got to see an atty, and ask if you have a right to free atty since you are being taken to court....
Also, he is trying to intimidate you. In my state - SC it is REALLY hard to get the kids from the mom, especially a stay at home mom and the kids don't want to go w him.
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
His co-workers asked him when that happened if I was normally a heavy drinker and he told them no, that it was very out of character for me. However, several months before he had to come clean to his boss that HE had an alcohol problem and was getting drunk on hard liquor every night. The kids have even see him so drunk he had to sleep in the bathtub. He lost his first job as a teenager for drinking on the job. He also has a tattoo on his shoulder of the Busch beer logo.
He has admitted to multiple therapists that he has a drinking problem. SO why on earth is he trying to use my one night of poor judgment when he has 2 decades of it. I didn't get drunk around the kids. I was gone but he has gotten extremely drunk in front of the kids all the time. There is no alcohol in my house and anyone who knows me knows that I rarely ever drink. I'm willing to never have another alcoholic beverage for the rest of my life if necessary, it is not a big deal to me. He mixes alcohol with klonipin on a regular basis.
He had my dad's ashes in his mother's shed and I made arrangements with her to come and get them because my husband was not letting me have them. So I drove to that county and when I got to my mother-in-law's house he was there but she wasn't. I asked him if we could discuss child support and visitation and he backed me up against his mother's kitchen counter and had his shoulders bowed up and was screaming in my face and clenching his fists. I was scared and slapped him across the face to get him to back off. He immediately stepped back and said, "That is all I need" and then left. I began to load my car up with the things I had come to get and he showed up with the cops. He claimed I just attacked him out of nowhere and I admitted to slapping him but he claimed I scratched him up too not telling them that was when I was falling from the car.
They refused to even allow me to file a report and I had to spend the night in jail until I could have a bond hearing the next morning where I was let out with a no contact order. He has told me numerous times that he wants to stay in contact with me so he can stay involved with the kids. When I offered to let him see the kids for Father's Day, I called his mother to facilitate that and not him. Then he emailed me to say no.
My kids can testify that they have never seen me hit him, even though I did admit to doing that on that one occasion, and I never hit my kids. I am 5'0" and weigh 105 lbs. I don't have the physical ability to cause serious harm to anyone without a weapon which I do not and did not have. I should not have slapped him but I was afraid he was going to hit me and he would not let me move from against the kitchen counter. He also has a history or throwing things at me and shoving me.
I have already had many consultations with attorneys because I have known for months that this marriage is over. I have called several to see if they will take payments and so far none have called me back. Hopefully I will get some better news on Monday.
Document EVERYTHING. Everything he says, does, when he sees the kids, his prescriptions, his drinking, whatever you have proof of. This will come in handy with your lawyer and in court to help you remember the facts.
You do need a good lawyer. If you call a shelter, they can usually help you find resources and sometimes even have low-cost lawyers available - they can also go to court with you to get a restraining order if needed (and if he made the comment that he wants to get rid of you, and he is aggressive towards you or baiting you in order to get you to be aggressive in self-defense, you may need one.)
You need a good support system. Try not to ever be alone with this person. And also, be sure to document the baiting!
Calmly but strongly you need to realize,
You Have the Control Now.
He knows that, and he's throwing shit against the wall, hoping it will stick. But all it does is leave a smelly mess.
Remember, "YOU" don't have to prove a thing, he does.
And remember this, Divorce is a Business transaction. That's all. If he and his attorney can drag emotional issues into it, they can cause you to loose focus.
My wife is doing the same thing. Instead of trying to raise her social status by being a better person, she chooses to destroy things around her to look better.
But when it comes down to the Judge, he will see the real truth.
Oh, and your kids will probably have a say so in this with the Judge, so don't worry.
Just remember, you're in the drivers seat now, and he's just some mutt in the road, chasing cars. If he caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it. So let him bark his ass off.
And NEVER sign anything he or his lawyers give you, until your attorney sees it.
In my case, My wife's petition was full of wild crap, and my lawyer has filed an amended petition. We have thirty days here to sign it or dispute it.
If he loses he will be ruined financially and I don't that he will ever be able to repair his relationship with the kids. Why would anyone want to pay such a high price? I have emails from him and the family members he will attempt to use to say I am unfit saying that I have been a great mom. SO they are going to have to testify against their own words.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Take back your control.
He had my dad's ashes in his mother's shed and I made arrangements with her to come and get them because my husband was not letting me have them. So I drove to that county and when I got to my mother-in-law's house he was there but she wasn't
If a situation like this happens again, stay outside with your phone ready to call police. If he refused to get the ashes you call the police non emergency or you go to the police station for their assistance. Your H is probably going to try and bait you more so you need to proceed like you are walking through a mine field. The biggest key to this is to not let your emotions take over. If you feel that they are then you need to retreat and regroup. The more you react in panic and fear the tougher a road you make for yourself.
Definitely get yourself an attorney quickly so they can guide you.
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.