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tigereyes posted 6/14/2014 06:59 AM

I have been trying to save up the money to file myself but he beat me to the punch since his mom paid for his attorney. He has asked for an expedited hearing and wants custody of our 2 minor children! I have been a stay at home homeschooling mom for 22 years and he is asking me to pay child support and pay his attorney's fees!

The kids are 14 and 11 and they have both said they do not want to live with him and they want to stay with me. I don't even know what he plans to do with them while he is at work. I guess sit at his mom's house (because she works all day too) while I am here available to be with them all day? I have been trying to find a job with no success.

He always swore he would never try to take the kids from me. I knew he was a liar but I actually believed that one. I don't know how I am going to be able to afford a long drawn-out custody battle but there is no way I am handing him my kids.

I even offered him the chance to see them on Father's Day and he declined and said he didn't think they wanted to see him. They don't but the offer was still there and I would have taken them to meet him. And he said no but wants full custody?

Softcentre posted 6/14/2014 07:05 AM

Honey, he won't get them. He's trying to psych you out and create a power imbalance so that you get frightened and don't negotiate strongly.

nekorb posted 6/14/2014 07:29 AM

What a fuckwit.

You've been home-schooling the kids forever and a day. You are their caregiver. End of story. No judge is going to hand those kids over to your WH.

He's just rattling your cage. Make sure to hit him square between the eyes with it when you swing open the door and walk away to freedom with your kids in tow.

My WH sent over a BS offer this week. His attorney told mine,"well, I know xyz won't happen, but I needed to get something down on paper and over to you.".

Breathe. It won't happen.

careerlady posted 6/14/2014 09:57 AM

He is just trying to create a false bargaining chip. Later he'll offer you custody with him getting EOW in exchange for no alimony, the house, etc. the most he could ever get is 50/50 and you are documenting how much time he is spending right? You can use that against him in court

homewrecked2011 posted 6/14/2014 10:16 AM

On monday, call several attys and get free consults.

One thing my atty told me,,,, DO NOT ASK HIM TO GET THE KIDS. Just quietly start writing on a piece of paper EVERY day Yes or No did he get them and for how long. This will tremendously help you!

You've got to see an atty, and ask if you have a right to free atty since you are being taken to court....

Also, he is trying to intimidate you. In my state - SC it is REALLY hard to get the kids from the mom, especially a stay at home mom and the kids don't want to go w him.

tigereyes posted 6/14/2014 11:19 AM

He is spending no time with the kids. We have a no contact order so he is using that as the reason. He claims I have serious alcohol abuse issues. In April, he and I had a fight, I went out with a friend and for the first time in my life drank shots. I ended up in the ER with alcohol poisoning. I have never done any thing like that before or since. I NEVER drink hard liquor and have the occasional glass of wine. He is using that one night to paint me as a rip snorting alcoholic.

His co-workers asked him when that happened if I was normally a heavy drinker and he told them no, that it was very out of character for me. However, several months before he had to come clean to his boss that HE had an alcohol problem and was getting drunk on hard liquor every night. The kids have even see him so drunk he had to sleep in the bathtub. He lost his first job as a teenager for drinking on the job. He also has a tattoo on his shoulder of the Busch beer logo.

He has admitted to multiple therapists that he has a drinking problem. SO why on earth is he trying to use my one night of poor judgment when he has 2 decades of it. I didn't get drunk around the kids. I was gone but he has gotten extremely drunk in front of the kids all the time. There is no alcohol in my house and anyone who knows me knows that I rarely ever drink. I'm willing to never have another alcoholic beverage for the rest of my life if necessary, it is not a big deal to me. He mixes alcohol with klonipin on a regular basis.

tigereyes posted 6/14/2014 11:32 AM

He also says I have a history of violence against him and have pending battery charges. He did have me thrown in jail last week on battery charges. He started to back over me with his car and the car door hit me so to try to save myself I stood on the running board of his SUV. He was pushing me trying to get me to fall while he was driving and as I was falling I grabbed to try to hold on and ended up scratching him on the neck. I called 911 and reported it.

He had my dad's ashes in his mother's shed and I made arrangements with her to come and get them because my husband was not letting me have them. So I drove to that county and when I got to my mother-in-law's house he was there but she wasn't. I asked him if we could discuss child support and visitation and he backed me up against his mother's kitchen counter and had his shoulders bowed up and was screaming in my face and clenching his fists. I was scared and slapped him across the face to get him to back off. He immediately stepped back and said, "That is all I need" and then left. I began to load my car up with the things I had come to get and he showed up with the cops. He claimed I just attacked him out of nowhere and I admitted to slapping him but he claimed I scratched him up too not telling them that was when I was falling from the car.

They refused to even allow me to file a report and I had to spend the night in jail until I could have a bond hearing the next morning where I was let out with a no contact order. He has told me numerous times that he wants to stay in contact with me so he can stay involved with the kids. When I offered to let him see the kids for Father's Day, I called his mother to facilitate that and not him. Then he emailed me to say no.

My kids can testify that they have never seen me hit him, even though I did admit to doing that on that one occasion, and I never hit my kids. I am 5'0" and weigh 105 lbs. I don't have the physical ability to cause serious harm to anyone without a weapon which I do not and did not have. I should not have slapped him but I was afraid he was going to hit me and he would not let me move from against the kitchen counter. He also has a history or throwing things at me and shoving me.

I have already had many consultations with attorneys because I have known for months that this marriage is over. I have called several to see if they will take payments and so far none have called me back. Hopefully I will get some better news on Monday.

tigereyes posted 6/14/2014 11:34 AM

Oh, when he was having his affair with my former best friend he said in an email that I have a copy of that he wanted someone to trump up charges and take me to jail so he could get rid of me.

Nature_Girl posted 6/14/2014 14:53 PM

Everything you're sharing sounds like classic "Men's rights" tactics. These guys can and do win custody from the mothers. I don't want to scare you, but I do want to infuse some righteous anger in you so you will get the best, most aggressive lawyer you can find, one who will vigorously defend you and know how to fight back against these bastards.

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2011/08/05/read-excerpt-from-phyllis-cheslers-book-mothers-on-trial/

https://abatteredmother.wordpress.com/2011/04/14/mothers-under-siege-tactics-of-the-fathers-rights-movement-how-can-a-good-enough-mother-protect-herself/

http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

NaiveAgain posted 6/14/2014 16:00 PM

He is abusive. He is also manipulative. Call a woman's shelter. He is baiting you, then taking the results to try to look like he is the good guy.

Document EVERYTHING. Everything he says, does, when he sees the kids, his prescriptions, his drinking, whatever you have proof of. This will come in handy with your lawyer and in court to help you remember the facts.

You do need a good lawyer. If you call a shelter, they can usually help you find resources and sometimes even have low-cost lawyers available - they can also go to court with you to get a restraining order if needed (and if he made the comment that he wants to get rid of you, and he is aggressive towards you or baiting you in order to get you to be aggressive in self-defense, you may need one.)

You need a good support system. Try not to ever be alone with this person. And also, be sure to document the baiting!

Fire96 posted 6/14/2014 16:42 PM

Tigereyes,

Calmly but strongly you need to realize,

You Have the Control Now.

He knows that, and he's throwing shit against the wall, hoping it will stick. But all it does is leave a smelly mess.

Remember, "YOU" don't have to prove a thing, he does.

And remember this, Divorce is a Business transaction. That's all. If he and his attorney can drag emotional issues into it, they can cause you to loose focus.

My wife is doing the same thing. Instead of trying to raise her social status by being a better person, she chooses to destroy things around her to look better.

But when it comes down to the Judge, he will see the real truth.

Oh, and your kids will probably have a say so in this with the Judge, so don't worry.

Just remember, you're in the drivers seat now, and he's just some mutt in the road, chasing cars. If he caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it. So let him bark his ass off.

And NEVER sign anything he or his lawyers give you, until your attorney sees it.

In my case, My wife's petition was full of wild crap, and my lawyer has filed an amended petition. We have thirty days here to sign it or dispute it.

Fire96

tigereyes posted 6/15/2014 12:27 PM

I hate that my kids are going to have to be put in the position to testify. How can you claim to love your kids and then proceed to drag them through one of the most traumatic experiences they can go through? I don't want an ugly fight but if that is the direction he chooses then what other option do I have? Our 21 year old daughter has attempted to plead with him to stop this, that he is alienating them all. He had asked her to act as a go between and carry messages back and forth between us. I said NO!

If he loses he will be ruined financially and I don't that he will ever be able to repair his relationship with the kids. Why would anyone want to pay such a high price? I have emails from him and the family members he will attempt to use to say I am unfit saying that I have been a great mom. SO they are going to have to testify against their own words.

tigereyes posted 6/15/2014 12:29 PM

Nature Girl, thank you for those links. I am a firm believer that you have to know the other parties moves. At least I have some idea what to expect. He is more of a scumbag than I thought and I am really questioning my own judgment in ever marrying him and certainly why I stayed for so long.

nowiknow23 posted 6/15/2014 12:33 PM

Please get a VAR and carry it with you. Do not ever meet this man without a witness present. Do not ever talk to him - all communications in writing (email preferably, but text will do as well). Document every single thing.

Gr8Lady posted 6/15/2014 13:05 PM

Get a notebook and date time all entries of WH visiting the kids. Document your offer to see them Fathers Day.
Document every call every visit.

Take back your control.

tigereyes posted 6/15/2014 19:28 PM

He is such an idiot. He is trying to accuse me of alcohol abuse and he "liked" smirnoff on Facebook. Clueless this one is.

Nature_Girl posted 6/15/2014 19:30 PM

Screen print it. What an idiot.

tigereyes posted 6/16/2014 10:32 AM

Again, kids tried to call him at work and it goes straight to voicemail. They attempted to send him messages on facebook and asked him questions and he ignored their questions, said he loved them and that it will all be better soon. Better for whom?

MovingUpward posted 6/16/2014 11:08 AM

First off you need to not be alone with him. Get the VAR, have witnesses.

He had my dad's ashes in his mother's shed and I made arrangements with her to come and get them because my husband was not letting me have them. So I drove to that county and when I got to my mother-in-law's house he was there but she wasn't

If a situation like this happens again, stay outside with your phone ready to call police. If he refused to get the ashes you call the police non emergency or you go to the police station for their assistance. Your H is probably going to try and bait you more so you need to proceed like you are walking through a mine field. The biggest key to this is to not let your emotions take over. If you feel that they are then you need to retreat and regroup. The more you react in panic and fear the tougher a road you make for yourself.

Definitely get yourself an attorney quickly so they can guide you.

tigereyes posted 6/16/2014 11:11 AM

I had a VAR and he stole it from me.