Hi missingmyhubby. I just saw your question on the 180 out in general which led me here. I'm very sorry you are going through this. You have gotten some good advice so far. I have to agree with Skan. This guy is walking all over you. This....
i confront him and he admits right away but feeds me some bullshit line something like "yeah, if you wanna call texting another girl i only met once "cheating" then yeah..i cheated" walks away and shuts me out.
This is what is referred to as gaslighting. It's what a wayward does to make you think that you are crazy.
Anyway, to answer your question from General on the 180 and to give you the official welcome suite of links that you should read up on, you can find most of the abbreviations here in the upper left corner in the Healing Library. Please check that section out if you have not done so already.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/library.asp
You received this link in General to for the 180 which is designed for you to detach, can be found under BS FAQ here:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11
And more 180 info under the target thread here:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=232785
I would also recommend reading these target threads in the Just Found Out forum:
Tactical Primer
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=235051
Great Posts for Newbies to Read
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=361740
Boundaries and Consequences 101 for all new BS
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=385631
Before You Say Reconcile...
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=406548
20/20 Hindsight: What I should have done when I Just Found Oud
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=446349
Honey, they always affair down
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=326449
Also, please read these as well as prep for any sort of upcoming confrontation that you may have with the OW that he's been texting with.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/no_contact.asp
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/boundaries.asp
Unfortunately as some of the other's said, he has most likely gone PA with her. Very gently here, you need to get yourself tested for STDs. Very unpleasant thought I realize, but a necessary caution for yourself. And do not have sex with him again until you see his results as well.
will the 180 backfire in my face? I am still trying to make this marriage work if possible but i feel like a good deal of those things will make him crave attention and go back to contacting the OW or heaven forbid a new OW. I am going to give it a try regardless but i'm worried :-( what if this does more harm than good??
The 180 is not to use to drive his behavior. It is for you to detach and get mentally stronger. Mentally you are not in a good place and need to get yourself strong so that you can make better decisions. Stop trying to drive him crazy by being sexy. Stop any sort of behavior that you think you are doing to get a desired response from him. It will not work. It sounds very much like he is in the fog of his A and is going to continue to be there. He's using you. Please make it stop.
Sending you strength and courage to get you through. Keep reading. Keep posting.
yop