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Healing does come, slowly

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Nature_Girl posted 6/14/2014 16:51 PM

I want to share with you what I'm about to do. I am about to put on a shelf the many, many books I've relied on for three years. Books with titles about rising above abuse, coparenting with a jerk, splitting, divorce poison, and many more. Not that I won't need to refer to them in the future. Indeed, I'm sure I will.

It's just that I don't need them every single day anymore.

For three years I've been slogging my way through Hell. I've had to fight my way out of the shadows of my ex-husband's sexual addiction. I've had to reconnect with my inner child & integrate my emotions & psyche to heal the abusive wounds of my past, both in my childhood as well as my marriage.

The journey isn't over, of course. I will keep the book out that helps people get past their breakups because there are some good exercises in it that I think will benefit me. It's just that I'm needing to let go of some of the hurt and pain that's fueled my footsteps. I've been writing a memoir in the hopes that others one day can see parallels between their present Hell and the nightmare I once lived, giving them courage and inspiration to take charge of their lives once again and find their own path to redemption. The writing and sharing with my writing group has been another avenue of healing for me, and with each chapter I feel myself becoming lighter.

I am becoming enveloped by that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. It isn't a train (LOL!), it is hope. I can smell fresh air.

Life does get better. Sometimes the night we have to endure is unfathomably long, dark and fraught with terrors and horrors both seductive and profane.

But life does get better. We have to be willing to surrender to the pain and be transformed. I am not the same person I was when I entered this tunnel of destruction. And I'm glad for it.

Gemini71 posted 6/14/2014 19:32 PM

Bravo!

There was a link to a good article posted in General that talked about the pain of betrayal, but also talked about the ability to heal and actually grow in response to trauma. That doesn't mean that 'trauma is good', but that we can turn it into an opportunity for growth. Sounds like you have really done that and not just "survived infidelity", you have thrived.

Kajem posted 6/14/2014 23:29 PM

Does this mean no more garage posts?

You have been an inspiration to me. Thank you.

K

Nature_Girl posted 6/15/2014 00:38 AM

Well, I was thinking it would be spooky fun to post a pic of the Son of Sam collection...

dmari posted 6/15/2014 01:48 AM

NG ~ If YOU can proclaim that you are healing, then that gives the rest of us hope and reassurance. I don't want to offend you ~ know that this comes from a place of love and admiration ~ but you have been and continue to be in quite possibly the shittiest situation because of your ex.

I'm so proud of you and thankful for all the support you share here!!

SBB posted 6/15/2014 04:12 AM

I can smell fresh air.

Very well said. This in particular.

tesla posted 6/15/2014 06:36 AM

(((NG)))

sparkysable posted 6/15/2014 08:32 AM

Bravo Nature_Girl!

Some of us here have some fucked up XWH's, myself included, but yours HAS to be the top contender for the most fucked up individual.

But we can get through it. It takes time, and it won't be without scars, but we'll get there.

StrongAlone posted 6/15/2014 09:18 AM

Beautiful post NG. I wish you so much success with your memoir. All the books I read post DDay #3 on sex addiction only made me feel worse and very confused, they really don't tell the whole story.

We are only left with 2 choices in the aftermath of all this, rise above or keep getting dragged down by our exes. You are rising so far above he will soon be but a speck in your life! Good job.

IrishLass518 posted 6/15/2014 10:32 AM

So happy that you have come to this point.

[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 10:32 AM, June 15th (Sunday)]

FaithFool posted 6/15/2014 11:39 AM

Sometimes the night we have to endure is unfathomably long, dark and fraught with terrors and horrors both seductive and profane.

That is so poetic and so true. Glad to hear you're making such progress, you are one tough cookie.

caregiver9000 posted 6/15/2014 12:08 PM

Love this!

It is worth noting and celebrating. We (the collective we of SI) did not come here to wail and die with company. We came to survive, in search of the help to make it to the other side. Thanks for leading the way through one very very dark tunnel.

Lola2kids posted 6/16/2014 12:00 PM

Beautifully written.

Good on you N_G.
So glad to hear you are thriving.

BrokenDaisy posted 6/16/2014 16:47 PM

So well written (((NG))) You are such an inspiration to me! You are amazingly strong. Keep up the good work.

Mom4ever posted 6/16/2014 17:46 PM

So happy for you. It gives the rest of us hope that our day will come eventually. Thank you for sharing!

Tripletrouble posted 6/16/2014 21:20 PM

]

For you, a survivor, an inspirer, a mom, a friend, a woman of strength.

nowiknow23 posted 6/16/2014 21:36 PM

NG - You sell yourself a little short, honey. Your healing and your new life are hard won with sweat, tears, blood, and strength. You have earned every bit of sunshine and hope ahead of you.

And you haven't just earned it for yourself, you've brought many others along with you, shining your lamp on their path as you go. Amazing.

norabird posted 6/17/2014 15:29 PM

(((NG)))

You have given so much healing to others here. I am glad you are finally coming into your own.

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