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Newest Member: Mrpink (61487)

User Topic: Need A New Approach
♀ 43580
Member # 43580
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been trying to get my WH to talk with me. Whenever I start to ask questions he gets frustrated and asks me why I keep asking the same questions over and over? He says that he has already answered my question and doesn't know what else to tell me.

He says that I know everything and doesn't understand why we keep rehashing it. To be fair, my WH has never been one to discuss feelings. He grew up in a family where you just keep that kind of thing to yourself. So it is something we have always struggled with in our marriage...It is not just because of the cheating issue.

Any ideas how to lead WH to talk about issues without him feeling that he is being attacked. How do I make him understand that just because I know about it doesn't mean we just pretend it never happened?

Me:BW 52, Him:WH 57
DS 27, DD 25; Dday: 4/19/14
Married: 30 years
Reconcile: A work in progress...
Dday: 4/2014 TT for over a year.
You're not alone in how you've been, everybody loses we all got bruises

Posts: 37 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Land of Oz
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Counseling could help with communication. I would sugfest a written timeline so u can process at ur pace. He cheated so tough shit if u ask the same damn question everyday until u heal. If hes remorseful he do the right thing.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 43242
Member # 43242
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After a traumatic event, your brain needs to keep going over and over the event until it can process it, take it in, and integrate it into your daily life. It's what rape victims and survivors of natural disasters do. Can your WH understand it in those terms? Would it make him more sympathetic?

And yes, counseling is a very good venue for this.

Me & WH: 50, married 20+ years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Conclusion: Some things are too broken to be fixed.

Posts: 780 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 3

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