Side note, speaking of fears.
OM has 5 kids, one is a boy in puberty. My fear is he will decide a man needs to be in his home and he tries to take over that role.
This OM (his Dad) dumped my wife and was onto another woman within a couple of months....confirmed by my pastor. It has also surfaced my wife was not his first.
My concern is that this puberty-aged boy will do as your son wishes you would do. He will see his Mom in pain, his Dad inflicting it, him ill-equipped to deal with it as it is (his Dads issue)and he will lash out against his Dad's other women in any way he can lash out. Sadly, this could be against our own daughters....confronting them, calling their Mom dreadful names....ugh.
If they get D'ed, the risk will go up...not down.
So how do I deal with that?
The same way I am processing my wifes affair and our current marital state. I address that which I can control....myself. I choose as healthy as I can and conserve my energy. Energy is wasted on "what ifs" like that I just mentioned.
But reading your sons reaction does get me back in touch with that fear. Not all bad.....just need to sit with that fear and NOT react to it until such time it is necessary. Short of moving, not much I can do about the consequences of adultery.
And moving will have its own stress on our girls.....
I pray for him and his family daily. Yes, some of it is protective prayer....for if they can improve the health of their family my family will be more safe. But I also pray for it because of the implications his actions have for the future of his 5 kids. They are developing their OWN FOO issues as I type this. Kids may be resilient (hate that phrase, but has some truth) but they also pick up on far more than parents give them credit.
Your spending time with your son is golden.
Meg Meekers wrote Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. Her single biggest take home message is to simply "be there" for your kids.
When they fight against you they are not doing it out of hate....they are doing it out of fear. They effectively are wanting to see if they are worth fighting for.
What you are doing right now with your son is showing him he is worth fighting for. Even if it costs you BIG TIME, you are willing to pay the price.
I didn't have that with either of my parents....and that was displayed to me in grand fashion at age 12. Parents D, Dad disappeared and Mom was swallowed up by resentment to the point of neglect.
I wish you were my neighbor. I could use another thoroughbred or two to hang with.
I am trying to do what you are doing, what Meg Meekers knows to be true.
Keep the faith. Keep posting....we may not be neighbors, but that doesn't mean I can't pick up a tip or two from you.
God is with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 3:34 PM, June 16th (Monday)]