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Newest Member: bob74 (46035)

User Topic: Shittiest Father's Day
SadInNC
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, we are just breaking all kinds of records in my house for every single Holiday since Christmas 2013. Birthdays, Valentines, Easter, Graduation, Mothers Day and now Fathers Day.

They have all been the worst ones in 27 years. DDay was Dec 5th 2013. He is still lying about stupid shit and more defensive than ever. The affair is over but his stupid lying is killing me and our marriage.

We fought all day today. In between, he openened up gifts from the kids and I even gave him one. Such a weird and crappy day. I feel like we've reached a new low point.

R is very quickly becoming a vague dream I thought I had once upon a time. I need strength, people! I want to be able to enjoy life again. I want to laugh until I cry and watch the sunset. I want to learn how to cook a perfect lobster and eat it with melted butter. I want to live again!!!!


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 345 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Sad, I understand.

The in between limbo sucks.

When they haven't quite figured out how to step up and it leaves you wondering where the eff your spouse went is horrible.

Are you in your own IC? It really is time for you to concentrate on you. I cannot say it enough. Getting myself to a healthier place and allowing me to be ok on my own or in a marriage was a huge step.

Letting go of the outcome, not becoming indifferent towards your husband, but truly letting go of what you can't control gives you a sense of freedom.

(((hugs))) along this road, I know sometimes it just seems so long.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3872 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
lostcovenants
♀ 40637
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sad)))

You're right, holidays suck. I tried to made this a good one for my fWS. I think he appreciated it. He is still lying to me about stupid crap. It's like the death by a thousand cuts. I just wait for the next one, watching for the next drop of my blood. I am working on pulling my heart back for my own sanity. I hate this, why won't they just get it? I'm afraid if he ever does get it that it will be too late, I will have finished pulling my heart back in order to save myself.

Why is this our life?

I'm sorry we all find ourselves here. It truly is an ongoing nightmare. (((Hugs to you))) sadly, you are not alone


Haha! The jokes on me, another DDay November 20, 2014! A date that will live in infamy, along with July 8,2013, oh yea and 36.5 years ago right after we got married. Hat trick!! WH is tremblingaspen. Life sucks.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
SadInNC
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Karma,

I'm not in IC. Don't have the money and I'm not sure if I could find one that would be good enough to handle all of my shit.

It really is time for you to concentrate on you. I cannot say it enough. Getting myself to a healthier place and allowing me to be ok on my own or in a marriage was a huge step.

I can see the importance of this as I've been soul searching myself to death lately. It's the "getting to the healthier place" that is the hard part. Positive thinking and reading help me somewhat. Fear of the unknown or of making the "wrong" decision keep me in limbo.

Letting go of the outcome, not becoming indifferent towards your husband, but truly letting go of what you can't control gives you a sense of freedom.

I like this! I am going to try and remember this everytime he gets defensive or delusional about the "facts." Everytime he gets convenient amnesia or tells me that he told me the truth when it was me who caught him in a lie, (so I feel that I'm loosing my f---ing mind,) I will try and remember that I can't control what he does.

God help me.


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 345 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fear of the unknown is normal but when your known is a state of unhappiness...would the alternative really be worse? Don't let a fear of change keep you stuck in an unsatisfying place.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
SadInNC
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost,

The other day, I was out with my friend and was about 25 min away from home. I called my WH and said, "I'll be home in about 15 min." I looked at her and said, "Yea, I know it's a 25 min ride but I'm just lying like he does."

I did it because that's what he does to me. Very stupid. No reason for it. I guess it was me purposely disrespecting him in a very dumb way that he never even noticed. I noticed it. I enjoyed it.

I don't want this to be my life.


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 345 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
SadInNC
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fear of the unknown is normal but when your known is a state of unhappiness...would the alternative really be worse? Don't let a fear of change keep you stuck in an unsatisfying place.

Norabird, this is very profound, true, scary and makes me want to cry in a fetal position - then get up and go to battle for myself!

Faith.
Courage.
Strength.
Perseverence.
Tenacity.



BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 345 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
RippedSoul
♀ 40055
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad,

IC is wonderful if you can afford it, but there are other means of finding yourself again in the meantime. I feel like every post I make on this site advocates strengthening yourself. You will be your constant companion the rest of your life. YOU. So you need to work on being a person you admire and respect and like and love and enjoy and support and encourage and . . . YOU!

Read books--self-help, relationship-building, how-to (build a birdhouse, play the guitar, learn French, cook the perfect lobster, etc.), escapist. Spend money where it will do the most good: a massage? a haircut? a makeover? an interview suit? an evening gown? a wok? a dance class? Take time to be with friends. Go to the gym. Enjoy the great outdoors (beach, hike, park, jog, bike). Go to church. Or to a symphony. Or to a movie. Or to a women's retreat. Or to a career convention. Or on a cruise.

The point is to take control of the portion of your life that you can help guide. Make some plans, some goals, dream some dreams, and then start working for them. If your WH decides, ever, that he wants what you're having, then you'll be strong enough to make room for him--if you still want him and if he's willing to do the hard work himself. Until then, you'll find a sense of peace in being proactive. Hugs!


BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 481 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
SadInNC
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, RippedSoul!

I started a list of "Things I Want To Do." I have little dreams and goals (as well as big ones) that I can start working on. Even if it's, cook a lobster today for the first time, learn violin, see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway or watch the sunset on the beach. Whatever it is, do it or make plans to do it!

I made another list of "Things I've Never Done." It's a silly list but it helps me to think about my life. A few are: I've never been fishing, I've never changed a tire, I never ate a snail, and I never played on a sports team. I don't necessarily want to do these things, I just haven't done them.

Third list is "It's Been Too Long Since I've..."
Laughed until I cried, held a baby in my arms, saw a rainbow or had mind blowing sex. This list makes me kinda sad.

The lists get me thinking about ME and that was your point. I guess it's time. I guess it's time for a lot of us on SI to do the same. Infidelity does that to some of us. It forces us to soul search.


BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person


Posts: 345 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
lostcovenants
♀ 40637
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad, I find myself changing as well and not for the better. My language has gone downhill. It seems like a need to swear to vent my anger and sorrow and horror. That was never me in the past. :(


Haha! The jokes on me, another DDay November 20, 2014! A date that will live in infamy, along with July 8,2013, oh yea and 36.5 years ago right after we got married. Hat trick!! WH is tremblingaspen. Life sucks.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
deena04
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, June 16th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry. Holidays just suck beyond belief anymore. I told my WS not to bother with my birthday, Valentine's, or anything else this year. If he gets me an anniversary gift, it's going straight up his a$$! I hope it gets better for you. Sometimes this just ends our marriages for us.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
L-I-B-E-R-A-T-I-N-G ME

Posts: 1308 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 11

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