He is only going to get worse without his wife there I imagine--the guilt and loneliness seem like a bad combination.
Gently...he is not going to get better while his wife is his rudder. My wife and I both used each others as rudders for life....thinking the other's strengths would be used to fill in our weakness's. We falsely thought that since the other was doing what we are weak in, we didn't have to strengthen that part of us. It worked....until it failed completely.
I will always be the more analytical one, my wife the artistic one. So I am not saying we become just like the other....hardly. Our differences are our strengths as a union. If we were identical, one of us would be unnecessary! But M is a training ground, a growing-out station. As we become healthier we are looking to each other not to carry us, but to learn from and walk more well-rounded on our own.
I use Every Mans Battle. I am also considering attending Al-Anon as my wife is a COA and I have heard, like others have, that Al-Anon can support people who are in relationship with people who come from alcoholic settings. I am also curious as how these meetings might help me with my own internal addictive, compulsive, habitual use of porn. SA-Anon meetings are 2 hours away....Al-Anon are 2 blocks away. The analytical part of me is doing the math on time and fuel expense......
Its a tough thing....to love someone enough to step back and let them struggle. As a CoD....I know this battle.
Keep the faith. Build your support network. Post often. We are meant to fellowship.
God is with us all.