SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

After all these years

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

honesttoafault posted 6/17/2014 00:17 AM

xWH#1 and I have been D/S for over 25 years. His was more of an exit affair, and he left and wouldn't talk about it.

DS 38 just told me that he saw xWH#1 for Father's Day and for the first time in over 25 years, xWH told my son " I still love your mother"

I cried when he told me.

Geez, you would think after all these years it wouldn't bother me, but it does.

I still love him, or more precisely who he was, because I don't know him now.

I guess I'm crazy, but I thought I'd put it out there.

nowiknow23 posted 6/17/2014 00:19 AM

(((((honest)))))

one2ndchance posted 6/17/2014 00:57 AM

I am not the same person I was 25 years ago. That's a long time and many people have the capability of growth and change. Many people learn from their mistakes.

I'm not saying this is true for your xWH#1, but would it be surprising to you if it were?

momentintime posted 6/17/2014 01:09 AM

The "you" he has in his head isn't really you. He has edited the memories and you most likely wouldn't recognize yourself if you could see into his mind. Also he was making points with his son.

I hope his comment didn't upset you. I don't mean to be a downer, just thinking this was not your reality.

Kajem posted 6/17/2014 05:56 AM

I don't think you're crazy at all for crying.

I'd think you were crazy if you wanted to move in together. . THAT would be crazy.

southsidecali posted 6/17/2014 10:23 AM

unfortunately and as sad as it might seem i agree with moment.

They love who they "create" in their mind, the edited version.

StillLivin posted 6/17/2014 10:24 AM

What he feels isn't love. If he "loved" you all these years, he would have made it right a long long time ago.
Maybe he is missing what he had when you were in his life, but he doesn't "love" you enough to fix himself or give you true R.
What he feels is regret.
I know in my situation, I have great earning potential (as in 6 figures) and will live up to it once I finish school. I'm intelligent and educated. I'm selfless and material things didn't mean a lot which freed up most of my money to combine with his and he was driving around in extremely expensive SUVs, wearing name brand clothes, expensive training and schools and nice clothes for his kids.
If he misses anything, it is that Shrek will never be the type to earn more than minimum wage if she ever gets off her fat ass and gets a job.
He is perilously close to losing his expensive SUV that I helped him get. She is ugly and stupid and an embarrassment. He won't even admit he is dating her to his friends and family. I on the other hand am attractive, and he showed me off like a prized possession to everyone.
I'm gonna hazard a guess that you had so much more to offer than the OW and now he is regretting that his fantasy had a head on collision with reality when he got with OW.
If you are still hurting after 25 years, some part of you didn't properly let go. Give yourself permission to have closure. You nailed it, you love who you thought he was. That man isn't anywhere to be found anymore.
(((honesttoafault)))

honesttoafault posted 6/17/2014 22:24 PM

Thank you for all your replies.

It took me years to come to terms with him leaving. He never talked to me about why, never talked at all. On the brighter side, he was the poster boy at how to pay CS and SS. He left almost immediately with the A and didn't put me through the horror of TT, gaslighting, false R, etc that current WH has put me through.

I always felt that we were far too young to have been married (I was 18, he was 19) and we started a family immediately.

It took me a long time, but I forgave him in my heart.

But, although I do know that people change in all those years, there are some things that I feel are basic and don't change and from talking to our sons over the years, the basic honesty, etc is still there.

Honesty? In a WS?

I really felt that xWH#1 was so perfectionist and wanting to be good, that him having an A, he couldn't face me any more.

BTW, he didn't stay with the OW and did end up marrying a very nice woman who had nothing to do with us, after I had remarried.

Thanks for listening.

This shit doesn't seem to end. I thought I was truly over him, but I guess I, like him, might have an ideal memory in my head about why I loved him in the first place.

norabird posted 6/18/2014 12:04 PM

((((honest))))

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.