Thank you for all your replies.
It took me years to come to terms with him leaving. He never talked to me about why, never talked at all. On the brighter side, he was the poster boy at how to pay CS and SS. He left almost immediately with the A and didn't put me through the horror of TT, gaslighting, false R, etc that current WH has put me through.
I always felt that we were far too young to have been married (I was 18, he was 19) and we started a family immediately.
It took me a long time, but I forgave him in my heart.
But, although I do know that people change in all those years, there are some things that I feel are basic and don't change and from talking to our sons over the years, the basic honesty, etc is still there.
Honesty? In a WS?
I really felt that xWH#1 was so perfectionist and wanting to be good, that him having an A, he couldn't face me any more.
BTW, he didn't stay with the OW and did end up marrying a very nice woman who had nothing to do with us, after I had remarried.
Thanks for listening.
This shit doesn't seem to end. I thought I was truly over him, but I guess I, like him, might have an ideal memory in my head about why I loved him in the first place.