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Can I block his calls/email??

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NWfleur posted 6/17/2014 01:46 AM

Without getting into a bunch of details, I would like to block my EXWH's texts and emails. I would get my kids (who he calls about once a week) some sort of pay-as-you-go cell phone, so he still has contact with them. I just think it's in my best interest not to have contact with him unless it was totally necessary. I blocked him on FB and Instagram, but that doesn't stop the texts or emails.

He isn't stalking or harassing me per se, but interactions with him are so toxic and unhealthy, and it truly is affecting my emotional health, even though we've been divorced for going on two years. He will send me a text that will get me completely frustrated, and it's hard to take the high road, but then when I react I'm doing exactly what he wants me to do, get angry. He seems to feed on it. He moved across the country, rarely sees his kids, and generally thinks his support payments are the same as being involved with his children. I can let go of what happened between us, but I can't as easily let go of how he abandoned his kids. I'm totally fed up. His latest text was to inform me that he decided "not to cancel" his summer one week visit with the kids (this is the ONLY vacation he takes with them all year) but that he'd be bringing his new girlfriend of one month. Then he had the audacity to say, "btw, you used the wrong "there" in your last text." Seriously, because grammar is the first thing I'm thinking about when texting him. Totally condescending, childish and rude.

My only concern is he might say that cutting him off is not in the best interest of our kids. Again, they would be able to contact him. But since we don't co-parent and it's only every several months they see him, I don't see any reason we need to be in contact. Has anyone else blocked their ex in a situation like this?

[This message edited by NWfleur at 1:47 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)]

Bluebird26 posted 6/17/2014 02:15 AM

What does your court orders say? I would be concerned cutting off all contact, what about an emergency?

Are your children old enough that they can answer the call and you don't have too? I just hand the phone to my kids if he is the caller id shown, because I don't want or need to talk to him.

Can you set up a specific ring tone for him? Can you let his voice calls go to a message service so you can decide if you need to call him back?

Or perhaps a separate email address that you only check once a week ?

I would love to have no contact with my ex either but it's in our orders that he has to use my phone number to contact the children, this also prevents a lot of issues as well such as organising visitation directly with me and not our children, cuts down on his ability to meddle and alienate my children as well.

I just don't speak to the x unless it's urgent. As a general rule, we email only.

[This message edited by Bluebird26 at 2:16 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)]

Kajem posted 6/17/2014 06:09 AM

Does he have a set schedule of when he contacts the children? Example Monday evening between 7:30-8, and Saturday morning 9-10?

If he is using your phone to make those arrangements, then set a schedule for him. You don't need to tell him. Set your ringtone for all his communications to silent. Only pick up during those times. Eventually, he will figure it out.

Is it the number of texts, phone calls or the content that has you upset. I would be upset by him introducing the gf. It is a heads up, as much as it sucks. It is in the children's best interest for you to know this ahead of time you can get your head ok with it, because you might have to help your kids deal with it. He's not around to help them, you are.

If he's wanting to know each time they bump their knee he gave up that right when he walked away. You can email a weekly update.


Ailanthus posted 6/17/2014 09:46 AM

Hugs to you, NW.
I did install an app called Mr. Number, which blocks phone calls--you still can see that the call came, but it gets hung up, I think. I also set up a filter on my email accounts so that he can't contact me; the emails will go right to the junk box. My X remarried almost instantly and so I don't want any contact with him; he has terrible boundaries and for the sake of his new wife and children, I refuse to be in his life at all. Now, we didn't have kids, so that's different from your situation. YMMV. I hope you come up with a good solution.

southsidecali posted 6/17/2014 10:38 AM

I think you can block his calls/text-but need to leave open a method of communication.

It can work both ways though if you use some sort of online parenting calender

debbysbaby posted 6/17/2014 18:08 PM

I don't see how you can realistically completely block him but I second the idea to set up a separate email account where you will get his emails. Let him know the other email account is nonfunctional. Then set up filters for your regular email account where his messages get automatically deleted and you never see them so he will get the message eventually if he tries to passive aggressively ignore that request that you're not seeing them.

Change your phone number and get a Google voice number to give him that his messages will go to. Then they will go to voicemail or text message in your Google voice account and you can check those only when you want to as well as the email. You do have the option to forward those calls to your regular phone for example if the kids are with him for vacation and you want to make sure you know if someone calls. You can still call him back through the Google voice app where he doesn't see your regular phone number but only the Google voice number.

million pieces posted 6/17/2014 18:53 PM

For a while I totally blocked my ex, had him call my mom if their was an emergency. His communication got a lot nicer after than.

Must Survive posted 6/17/2014 19:08 PM

My STBXH is blocked on my cell/txt. House phone is turned off, so if he calls, it sounds like it rings, then goes to VM. I never have to know if he has called. DS16 has his own cell so they can have communication when DS wants it (not very often).

Email is available, but I have never received email from STBXH. I know he does try calling my cell using different numbers, but I just ignore calls I don't know who it is from.

NWfleur posted 6/17/2014 20:01 PM

Thanks for all the insights. We don't have court orders that specifically address this. He only sees them for a weekend about three times per year, so I'm not too worried about emergency contacts or difficulty coordinating. If there was an emergency, I could figure out a way to get in touch. He lives all the way across the country so when the kids have gotten sick it's not like he's available anyway. And for the times they are with him, I can just call the go-phone or his mother's line, since he always stays at her house for his visits (she lives 3 hours from me and he won't pay for a hotel once he flies to this coast, I have to drive them there any back. But that's another story!)

I did block him on my phone last night and I felt immediate relief. It's not just him contacting me, it's that it's really hard for me to not react and give "crickets" to him when he says something rude or uncalled for. So this just cuts all that toxicity out of my life, both ways. He can still call his kids on the go-phone. If he needs to be in touch with, he can email. I like the idea of a separate email filter that I check periodically. I set this up already, actually.
I'm sure he'll tell me I'm being "childish and immature" but it will be over an email that I don't have to look at. Much harder to ignore texts!

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