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Tell me that this is for the best

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houseofpain posted 6/17/2014 10:51 AM

My WH has a history of emotional affairs and sexting/emailing multiple women. Whenever I get wind of another indiscretion, he becomes sad, remorseful and can only say that it has nothing to do with me and that he is messed up. He becomes very distraught when I bring up separation or divorce. Well, this past Sunday, I found a woman's phone number in his wallet from a bar he visited when he was out of town. I texted her. She gave me a blow by blow of everything that happened - how he told her he wasn't married (he wasn't wearing his wedding ring), he bought her a drink and tried to pick her up. She did not end up going to his room, but she said he wanted her to. So it's not just emailing and texting and emotional attachments, he is full-on picking up women when he is out of town.

I threw him out last night. He, again, is distraught and saying that he was drunk and that he is very sorry. Clearly, he has a serious problem.

Please tell me that there is no cure for this behavior. He is doing everything possible to worm his way back. I know he is sad, but he is also a liar. I know this.

No12turn2 posted 6/17/2014 11:01 AM

Short answer...You deserve better

lynnm1947 posted 6/17/2014 11:01 AM

You got him out--GOOD FOR YOU! Now have the gumption to keep him out. Serial philanderers are not good partner material. They're always sad and sorry--sorry you found them out. I could have saved myself many years of heartache if I'd learned this after the first bimbos!

(((houseofpain))) Be strong.

MindMonkey posted 6/17/2014 11:22 AM

Is he out of town often? He got caught this time but he seems pretty brazen. How many times has he done this and not got caught?

You kicked him out. Just grab some heafty bags and finish the job. I admire your strength.

Pass posted 6/17/2014 11:30 AM

Please tell me that there is no cure for this behavior. He is doing everything possible to worm his way back. I know he is sad, but he is also a liar. I know this.

Who cares if there is a cure? He has a history of getting caught, and then just doing it again. And he's sad? The best cure for that would've been to not screw around.

Good for you for turfing his arse to the curb! He deserves no more chances.

FrmrBH80124 posted 6/17/2014 11:31 AM

He has shown repeatedly that he won't change. You did the right thing to throw him out of the house. He has disrespected you multiple times. You and your kids deserve better.

Until he changes, it's time to move on. Good Luck!

steadfast1973 posted 6/17/2014 11:31 AM

She turned him down... How many others did not?

Can he change? Maybe, but he has to do it... And he seems to have no interest in changing.

theroadahead posted 6/17/2014 15:20 PM

He's clearly not trying to change. You deserve better.

Random thoughts posted 6/17/2014 15:25 PM

Your kids (his too) deserve better....they are learning from both of you, how to be a dysfunctional adults and have dysfunctional relationships.

Stop it now.

sisoon posted 6/17/2014 16:46 PM

He's the only one who can change himself.

IMO, it's great that you've stopped trying to change him. This is for the best.

needfriendshere posted 6/17/2014 16:56 PM

Wow! This really resonates with me. Your H sounds a lot like mine. I really admire you for having the strength to do what I could not do - throw him out - for his own good, whether he knows it or not.

I have promised my H that is I ever catch him again, he is out of here. And I keep my promises.

You have done the right thing. Don't let his sniveling weaken your resolve. My H can actually cry on demand. I know that sounds harsh, but, although he does it all the time now, I remember him doing it when I begged him to let me know if he was cheating about 3 years ago (halfway into his 6-year A). Don't fall for it!!

I send you hugs and wish you luck with whatever road this takes...

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