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simplydevastated posted 6/17/2014 11:15 AM

I just sent off an email to DD7's teacher. There has been an on going issue with one of DD7's classmates.

This is what I sent:

Hello 2nd Grade Teacher,

With the end of the school year coming up quickly I know things are busy. I wanted to send you a follow up message to the below emails as I was wondering if you had a chance to talk to DD7 and Classmate about what has been going on. DD7 told me last night that something happened at 2nd recess where Classmate drew an oval in the dirt and told DD7 that she had to stand in it the entire recess. DD7 said that she wasn't going to do it and Classmate then said to her that she was going to make her stand in it. I don't remember what DD7 said happened leading up to when Classmate drew the oval.

DD7 has said more frequently that she wants to leave XYZ School because of this and last night she said she wanted to switch classrooms. Obviously this is not an option, and I'm upset to hear this is what DD7 wants to do. I am at a loss regarding all of this because when Classmate first came to the school they seemed to click right away and seemed to be good friends.

I'm wondering if a meeting with you, the principal, myself, and DD7 would be beneficial. I don't know what to say to DD7 anymore about this. I also understand there are many sides to the stories and I'm only hearing part of it.

Thank you for your time and assistance.



I've gone to the school before regarding an issue with classmate and I was informed at that time that classmate is in a foster home. I have no idea what this girl has gone through to be pulled from her home and placed in foster care. I'm hoping, really HOPING, that the foster mother is trying to work with her. The drawing an oval and trying to make DD7 stand in it sounds an awful lot like a punishment that maybe she had to endure so it seems normal to her. I don't know. I'm just worried about my DD7.

*ETA* When classmate first came to the school she latched onto DD7, literally. She would cling to her arm and follow DD7 wherever she went. Now this is a total flip.


[This message edited by simplydevastated at 11:18 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)]

MovingUpward posted 6/17/2014 11:41 AM

If you get no response then I would encourage your DD to tough it out for the rest of the year. I'd also arrange a meeting with the principal looking for ways to help your dd out next year. Maybe it is different classrooms maybe it is telling your DD to seek out one in charge to help handle the situation because right now it is a one on one confrontation and the stronger (mentally, physically, or emotionally) will prevail. This classmate might have some charm and manipulation tactics since your DD doesn't just get pissed off and punch her. Also by going to the one in charge there can be a history created and if this classmate needs help they will be able to catch it faster.

Sending lots of mojo your way.

simplydevastated posted 6/17/2014 11:50 AM

Thank you Moo.

I did tell DD7 to find other kids to play with for the rest of the year.

I think you're right about the manipulation part. It seems that when DD7 tries to play with other kids that's when classmate is nice to her.

Another incident...

After school one day I'm cleaning out her backpack. There's always something interesting in a 7 yr old's backpack. This day was no different. I pull a good size chunk of asphalt out of her backpack. Yes you read that right, asphalt.

I standing there confused and said...

ME: DD7. Why do you have asphalt in your backpack?
DD7: because classmate was going to throw it at good friend and I stopped her.
Me: Why didn't you put it in the woods or another part of the playground?
DD7: Because I didn't want her to find it and throw it at him so I brought it home to throw it away.

I guess another question should have been how did she bring it through the school to her classroom and get into her bag with no one seeing it.

I'm going to give the teacher one last chance, then I'm going to the principal. I try to go through the "chain of command" but this is ridiculous.

dameia posted 6/17/2014 15:47 PM

Since this girl is a foster child it's very likely she is acting out because of her own emotional turmoil. It sounds like your DD7 is a very sweet, compassionate girl and this other girl senses that weakness and tries to pounce on the "weaker" person.

I would definitely let the principal know what's going on and make it known you don't want them in the same class next year.

I'm sure it's difficult for the teacher to try and handle this situation, since there is only so much she can do to deal with foster girl. But your first priority is your DD, so don't feel guilty going to the principal.

If all else fails, in my area the magic words are; "If you can't help me I'll take it up with the school board." And if the school board refuses to help, "I will discuss this matter with a lawyer." Works every time. (Of course these tactics are usually used when dealing with services, IEP's, etc. so I'm not sure how they would work here).

SpecialK posted 6/19/2014 07:39 AM

It sounds like she is treating you daughter like she is being treated. I would call whoever monitors foster children and have them ask her if her foster parents make her stand in an oval/circle as punishment.

simplydevastated posted 6/19/2014 08:29 AM

I'm wondering if maybe that's why she was pulled out of her home and put in foster care? I don't know. She picked it up from somewhere.

I spoke to the teacher yesterday and they are not allowed to play together, sit near each other at lunch or anything else. She also made sure that they are not in the same class next year.

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