It has been months since I posted on here. And, I could write a novel of all the things that have happened during the course of those months.
Just a bit of back story. STBXH is a serial cheater. DDay #1 happened years ago. Spent 5 years in False R and then was slammed with DDay #2 almost a year ago. (I have plenty of reasons to suspect several other affairs but have been working hard with my counselor to let that go.)
Our divorce is at a stand still. He refuses to settle. CS is being fought from his side. And Custody is a mess.
The reason I'm posting now, to make a long story short, is that I was awarded Temp. Sole Physical Custody of our children following a very serious incident involving STBXH and OW. And, we're now fighting through the courts regarding the children. It is a never ending struggle. He has serious control issues and I believe the only reason he is fighting to have the kids back is because it is a way to get back at me and because he is a narcissist who see the children as an extension of himself. He only wants them when it looks good for him.
I wish I could have sat back and laughed as the karma bus hit him full force. He was arrested following this incident, which my children were present during, and it has severely damaged his "image" both personally and professionally. I wish I could have said, "I told you so." But sadly, all it did has done is create instability in mine and my children's lives. The courts do not seem particularly helpful because he didn't directly hurt or threaten the children. I was awarded the temporary order but when we went last month to discuss how to proceed, our custody conciliator didn't seem even remotely concerned by the charges against him. She seemed hesitant to agree to the supervised visitation that my attorney requested but that is ultimately what he was given. My STBXH spent 90% of the conference blasting me and making himself look like an idiot. But, sadly, I'm very aware there are not laws against being a jackass.
We are heading back to court again very soon and my attorney isn't optimistic. He feels that given the facts of the case and that my STBXH is doing all the things he is required to do, that they will probably suggest we go back to the original stipulation. How do I deal with the fear that this is causing me? How do I let this man take my children? They are school-aged and clearly can't defend themselves.
The further away from my ex I get, the clearer the picture becomes. He tried to paint this current situation as some sort of isolated incident because he is a veteran. But, looking back on our marriage I can see that isn't the case. He has a history of controlling behavior and while he never out right hit me, as he did to OW, he would get in my face and back me against walls and furniture. He was extremely manipulative with me on an emotional and mental level. He had a way of making me feel like I had done something wrong and he still tries to do that with me now. He has all the signs of an abuser and does a very good of making people believe he is the victim.
I'm sorry if this is rambling and vague. I guess I'm just looking for anyone who has been in a similar situation. It was hard enough not seeing my children for two days out of the week, even before all this happened. Now, I feel that I'll be constantly worried about their safety while they're in his care. I don't know if he would ever physically harm them but I'm fairly confident that they will continue to witness unhealthy behavior between their father and OW, who has chosen to "stand by her man." The children are in counseling and their counselor is aware of the situation and is keeping a close eye on them. The school is aware as well and they have been a tremendous help. I've tried to have eyes and ears everywhere. Guess that's all I can do. Create a safety net and a support system for the kids and pray like crazy that he doesn't do something reckless.