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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:43 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
I hope your consultation with the lawyer went super well.
Why are you looking at a text during IC????? IC is a place and time to work on yourself. A text is an interruption.
I'd really like to see you reframe what you're doing. You see yourself as being pushed into D by a W who has some power over you. You could see yourself as accepting reality and choosing to D rather than stay in a terribly painful M with a woman to whom you've given too much power over you.
You call yourself a Samurai. If you really aspire to that, read a lot of Zen, a major principle of which is detachment.
And remember:
D - don't
E - even
T - think
A - about
C - changing
H - her.
[This message edited by sisoon at 6:11 PM, June 17th (Tuesday)]
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
LostSamurai (original poster member #41347) posted at 11:42 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
Thanks everyone. The IC/MC recommended I go see a mediator so I don't have to worry about all the fees. SO I am in the process of finding one and scheduling an appointment for Thursday.
I am the wandering samurai, and I found my freedom...
Schadenfreude ( member #43075) posted at 11:46 PM on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
The fees are cheaper in the long run than supporting her a@@ for years in a dead M. A mediator can work. Just understand they don't care what the deal is as long as there is a deal. You still have to fight for your own interests.
brokenblackbird ( member #29541) posted at 1:04 AM on Wednesday, June 18th, 2014
ICs are great people to talk to when sorting out emotions, but I wouldn't take legal advice from them. Just like I wouldn't try to get emotional support from my lawyer, but they are GREAT for legal advice!
You think you can mediate with a woman who can't be half-assed to remember a counseling appointment? Don't get screwed. Get a lawyer.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:22 AM on Wednesday, June 18th, 2014
I respectfully and heartily disagree. Your wife has shown tones of NPD and she will make your D a nightmare and leave you with nothing if you use a mediator.
She will screw you over and make it all your fault. No WAY See a lawyer. Protect your rights your retirement and your rights as a father.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
Chicky ( member #18622) posted at 2:52 AM on Wednesday, June 18th, 2014
Agreed. Whatever fees you pay now will be a drop in the bucket compared with what you most likely will end up paying by using a mediator.
Givers need to set limits because takers never do. THIS GIVER DID and because I stood my ground, we are happily RECONCILED!
Thinkingtoomuch ( member #31765) posted at 4:09 AM on Wednesday, June 18th, 2014
So sorry about this painful day, LostSamurai.
I agree with using a lawyer instead of mediator, from my take on these boards.
Good luck going forward.
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