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Newest Member: FrustratedJoker (61483)

User Topic: Today's the day
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope your consultation with the lawyer went super well.

Why are you looking at a text during IC????? IC is a place and time to work on yourself. A text is an interruption.

I'd really like to see you reframe what you're doing. You see yourself as being pushed into D by a W who has some power over you. You could see yourself as accepting reality and choosing to D rather than stay in a terribly painful M with a woman to whom you've given too much power over you.

You call yourself a Samurai. If you really aspire to that, read a lot of Zen, a major principle of which is detachment.

And remember:

D - don't
E - even
T - think
A - about
C - changing
H - her.

[This message edited by sisoon at 6:11 PM, June 17th (Tuesday)]

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16799 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♂ 41347
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. The IC/MC recommended I go see a mediator so I don't have to worry about all the fees. SO I am in the process of finding one and scheduling an appointment for Thursday.

I am the wandering samurai, and I found my freedom...

Posts: 1045 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
♂ 43075
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fees are cheaper in the long run than supporting her a@@ for years in a dead M. A mediator can work. Just understand they don't care what the deal is as long as there is a deal. You still have to fight for your own interests.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
♀ 29541
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ICs are great people to talk to when sorting out emotions, but I wouldn't take legal advice from them. Just like I wouldn't try to get emotional support from my lawyer, but they are GREAT for legal advice!

You think you can mediate with a woman who can't be half-assed to remember a counseling appointment? Don't get screwed. Get a lawyer.

Posts: 1424 | Registered: Sep 2010
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I respectfully and heartily disagree. Your wife has shown tones of NPD and she will make your D a nightmare and leave you with nothing if you use a mediator.

She will screw you over and make it all your fault. No WAY See a lawyer. Protect your rights your retirement and your rights as a father.

Him: FWS
Kids: 18 & 20
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

Posts: 13279 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ 18622
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreed. Whatever fees you pay now will be a drop in the bucket compared with what you most likely will end up paying by using a mediator.

Givers need to set limits because takers never do.

Posts: 921 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Planet Earth
♀ 31765
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry about this painful day, LostSamurai.

I agree with using a lawyer instead of mediator, from my take on these boards.

Good luck going forward.

Posts: 882 | Registered: Apr 2011
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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