Last night WW spent an evening out having dinner with her sister. We are rarely apart now, since I don't have my trust in her back after being blindsided with a 5 1/2 yr affair and then 11 months of TT. But we are moving out of state this summer so she definitely needed time with her sister before we leave, and I get that.
Being separated made it a tough evening for me, and I hoped she would recognize that and ask me about how things went for me while she was out. But when she got home, she didn't bring it up so we just made small talk about the evening. Finally, when I thought I had given her enough time to ask if she was going to, and it didn't appear she was going to, I verbalized my desire to have her show an interest in the difficulty of my evening and ask how I felt, how I handled it, etc. She told me that triggered her - because her AP would always ask if she thought of him, talked about him, etc, while they were apart. And she began to despise him for it.
I thought I was trying to practice good communication and verbalize my need, but instead I get compared to the AP. I'm still trying to learn what I'm justified in asking for in this reconciliation; sometimes I feel like I have been walked all over and now I'm being manipulated. Did I reveal that I'm a self-centered, egotistical bastard by telling her I wanted her to ask me how I was?
I thought about it, and decided I feel if you love someone, you'd WANT to know about their needs - so you can try to meet them. But I feel like I got shot down, and made to feel guilty about wanting to be thought about.
I'm just not sure what is right. Maybe it was self-centered of me? I feel confused. When I re-read what I've posted - I think it may come across as weak, whiny and unmanly. It does not "feel" right to talk about my feelings, needs, and desires.
I think I can get there, but I want to be confident that my needs and wants are healthy and mature. This is an opportunity to rebuild myself from the ground up after all.
[This message edited by Crushed15Feb13 at 8:57 AM, June 18th (Wednesday)]